Lee profile picture

Lee

About Me

I'd say I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not. I excel at not giving a shit. Experience has taught me that interest begets expectation, and expectation beget disappointment, so the key to avoiding disappointment is to avoid interest. A equals B equals C Equals A, or whatever. I also don't have a lot of interest in being a good person or a bad person. From what I can tell, either way, you're screwed. Bad people are punished by society's laws, and good people are punished by Murphy's Law. So you see my dilemma. - George Lass
Yorn desh born, der ritt de gitt der gue, Orn desh, dee born desh, de umn børk! børk! børk! - Swedish Chef
I was born in a brothel in a town which now no longer exists. When I was born, my mother mistook the afterbirth as my twin, and the cuter one too apparently, as I was immediately sold to the cleaning woman for a stamp. The cleaning woman, who went by the name of Magda, lived out at the edge of town in an abandoned freezer with a tramp named Lucky. Magda and Lucky used to fight over whose turn it was to beat me, so to distract myself from the misery of my surroundings, I began to draw, and I drew whatever I could get my hands on - flattened Kleenex boxes, tin cans, fruit... but nothing fresh. I never had a piece of fresh fruit until I was twenty-one, and it was a lime. I still take the existence of peaches on hearsay. I was kicked out of the freezer when I reached puberty, so I hit the open road in search of fame and fortune. For the next ten years I wandered, kinda like that German Shepherd, Hobo, except I don't lick strangers' faces unless I'm fucking them.
....
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Eigth Level of Hell - the Malebolge!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers) Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers) Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful) Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous) Very High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious) Moderate
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy) Extreme
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics) High
Level 7 (Violent) Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers) Extreme
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous) Very High
Take the Dante's Divine Comedy Inferno Test
You scored as Pinhead. You are Pinhead. You come straight from hell. Your curiosity has caused you to make some mistakes in life. But you are now more powerful than you have ever been. You enjoy pain just as much as you enjoy pleasure. Unlike most killers, you like to make sure your victims suffer for all eternity.

Pinhead


95%

Jigsaw


80%

Hannibal Lecter


60%

Candyman


55%

Freddy Krueger


50%

Michael Myers


45%

Leatherface


40%

Jason Voorhees


30%

Buffalo Bill


25%

Captain Spaulding


10%
Which Horror Killer are You?
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TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: Lee Kimber
Birthday: N/A
Birthplace: London
Current Location: London
Eye Color: Bloodshot
Hair Color: Light Brown
Height: 6ft 1
Right Handed or Left Handed: Right
Your Heritage: Descendant of Attilla The Hun, but then aren't we all...
The Shoes You Wore Today: Black trainers
Your Weakness: Women in fire proof race suits
Your Fears: No fears any more. I'll deal with whatever's thrown at me
Your Perfect Pizza: None
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Get my own company off the ground
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: Tosser!
Thoughts First Waking Up: Rude
Your Best Physical Feature: My J-Lo Ass
Your Bedtime: Depends on the circumstance
Your Most Missed Memory: Talking with my Father
Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi
MacDonalds or Burger King: Neither
Single or Group Dates: Single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Neither
Chocolate or Vanilla: Neither
Cappuccino or Coffee: Coffee
Do you Smoke: Yes, but quitting soon...really!
Do you Swear: Why do you ask, you funking cnut?
Do you Sing: No, I growl
Do you Shower Daily: Yes
Have you Been in Love: Yes
Do you want to go to College: BTDT
Do you want to get Married: Maybe, if I met the right one.
Do you belive in yourself: Fuck yes!
Do you get Motion Sickness: Nope
Do you think you are Attractive: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
Are you a Health Freak: Not really
Do you get along with your Parents: While they were alive
Do you like Thunderstorms: I absolutely love them
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: Sorry, I don't drink...
In the past month have you Smoked: Yes
In the past month have you been on Drugs: No
In the past month have you gone on a Date: Yes
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: No
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: What?
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: No
In the past month have you been on Stage: Yes
In the past month have you been Dumped: No
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: No, but what a great idea!
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: No
Ever been Drunk: It's been known, on rare occasions...
Ever been called a Tease: Yes
Ever been Beaten up: Once when I was 17. I swore it would never happen again.
Ever Shoplifted: When I was much younger
How do you want to Die: Spectacularly
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: I'm never growing up
What country would you most like to Visit: Australia
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: Brown
Favourite Hair Color: No preference
Short or Long Hair: Long
Height: Not important
Weight: Not Important
Best Clothing Style: Even less important
Number of Drugs I have taken: A few here and there
Number of CDs I own: Over 400
Number of Piercings: Previously 5, now just one
Number of Tattoos: One, but getting more
Number of things in my Past I Regret: A few, mainly because it's difficult to make amends to the dead.
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!
How evil are you?

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

Tom Hanks, Michael Schumacher, Babyshambles, John Woo and the guy from the quote me happy advert. They just won't know about the bomb in my coat...

adopt your own virtual pet!
You scored as Whips. Your turn on is the "good ol'" whip. You either like to feel in charge during sex, or you like to feel pain. Sex isn't sex unless it's rough.

Whips


100%

Chains/Handcuffs


92%

Biting


92%

Bondage


92%

Blood


83%

Blind Folds


50%
What..s Your Kinky Turn On?
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Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

My Blog

Happy new(ish) year!

Erm, soo...yes! For those of you who read this stuff, and that I haven't already spoken to / accosted / abused / professed undying love to / stalked / thrown fruit at / maligned / laughed at / sneered...
Posted by on Mon, 15 Jan 2007 20:55:00 GMT

More TV Hell

Quick update. Last night was the straw that broke the Camels back when it comes to light entertainment. A friend told me that she didn't recognise a number of the 'celebrities' in the jungle. Of cours...
Posted by on Tue, 14 Nov 2006 10:53:00 GMT

Divorce Lawyer in waiting

Just a quick thought. I'm sick of the whole Paul McCartney / Heather Mills fiasco. I don't care who got their tits out for arabs or who beat up who, all we need is to get them to agree a divorce settl...
Posted by on Wed, 01 Nov 2006 03:21:00 GMT

Ramblings containing a few words slightly ruder than 'bottom'

Yes, I've been quiet for a while, life's just been very busy of late. Lots and lots of things going on, mostly dull so I shan't bore you with all that. Suffice to say, over the last couple of months a...
Posted by on Wed, 25 Oct 2006 12:25:00 GMT

68% Donny Osmond

Who'd have thought it eh? My lookalikes include, a child, 2 black dudes, 2 women, an indian god of some sort and James Hetfield...   Can't help but think that they missed a few important on...
Posted by on Tue, 26 Sep 2006 12:50:00 GMT

Don't let them close the Fox!!!

This is reposted from Alan. Just heard the news and I'm fucking angry! Once again, those with a penchant for the heavier style of music have been screwed over as one of London's best known Rock and Me...
Posted by on Fri, 01 Sep 2006 05:50:00 GMT

Being reminded to remember not to forget

I admit it. I'm ashamed. Not ashamed in a being caught masturbating kind of way but totally, full on ashamed and disappointed with myself. It took Scott to remind me what today was, and there I was, s...
Posted by on Tue, 22 Aug 2006 02:27:00 GMT

Random Rubbish

Ok, it's been a while since an update, so in short, the following things have happened. I've been very busy, Jez got married, Sarah and myself got completely totalled and ended up dancing in a ridicul...
Posted by on Mon, 14 Aug 2006 11:43:00 GMT

Sopping wet pussy

Just a quick update, as I've realised that I don't actually have much to say. My heads in a bit of a spin at the moment. The same kind of spin a cat would experience if it were to step into a washing ...
Posted by on Wed, 26 Jul 2006 06:06:00 GMT

The truth about Vampires

After spending many years in the company of the Undead, having worked with them, drank with them and attended Sisters of Mercy gigs with them, I think it only fair to debunk the various myths about th...
Posted by on Wed, 12 Jul 2006 19:46:00 GMT