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Jay

About Me

Hmmm... let's open my witness protection program package and see what we got : oh goody - a plastic groucho Marx combo mustache and glasses! My new name is Stedman Ritz, king of lounge karaoke singing and international brain donor. I apparently live in Anytown, U.S.A., on the 2nd shelf behind the can of pork and beans with my wife Chevette and my 2 illegitimate siamese sons, Stallone and Mortimer. My turn ons include yard gnomes, the smell of cookies and the collected film works of Tom Arnold while my turn offs include mobs with torches & pitchforks, poking living things with sticks and Jimmy Fallon - how I hate you Jimmy! Just drink your Pepsi and stop giggling!! But cereally folks, my name's Jason, I live in Montreal, Canada. I am 29, single, never married, no ankle bitters, no chickens in bags or giraffes at my window. I love to joke and make people laugh, and I love to push the envelope with humour, but my heart's always in the right place no matter what, even if my mind isn't! I'm the type if you're cool with me, I'll be just as cool with you. I'm the perpetual artist : I want to be the 1st film-directing-rock-star-poet-photographer-chef to land on mars, but right now I work at an accounting firm as a coordinator, which basically means I do everything and anything for a crap salary : orders, repairs, security, poodle juggling and beheadings, but NO ass kissing (unless you're cute n' smell good... I love da booty!) I swear I'm going to have a t-shirt made with a big GT on it - the "General Talent". I do it all, and I do it well - just ask your girlfriend!

My Interests

Lots & mostly includes the crap you'll read below, if you bother, but also love cooking/eating, photography (check flickr.com, user "jizmogg"), film making, writing, playing bass guitar (rocking for 10 years this year!), hockey (go Habs), imaging (photoshop - see my pics), video games, hiking, concerts/shows, and of course COMEDY! Still very broad, I'm open.

I'd like to meet:

Always a pleasure to meet the ladies, but overall down to earth people with good hearts and heads on their shoulders. You gotta have a sense of humour, the more out there the better, but I roll with almost anybody since I'm pretty open-minded. Being cool is just being yourself - too many poseurs and wanna-bes out there. Hmm : How 'bout Elvis Presley? Da fooking king, baby! Meeting a dead dude would be an experience! A zombie Elvis in a floating rowboat with Mayor McCheese, Krusty the Clown and Captain Crunch. Remember kids : drugs are bad, mmmmmmmmmmmmkay?

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Music:

Forget genres - I love music and if it`s good, it's good that's it. Hard rocker at heart, but from hip hop to techno to reggae, latin, whatever, just no modern pop with the Ashlitney HiltAguiDuff O-Boys or whatever shitty variation of it that's out there. I might not like the music you listen to, but I'll never slam ya for it, I just won't RESPECT you... :~) But, as a musician (I do use the term loosely), you shouldn`t limit your exposure to inspiration and knowledge of music as a whole. Personal favs (no particular order): Tool, Radiohead, Elvis Presley, Sublime, the Roots, ACDC(Bon Scott), Madvillain/MF Doom, Ramones, Rancid, STP, RHCP, NIN, CCR (anymore acronyms?), Zeppelin, Sabbath, Miles Davis, Gorillaz, Amon Tobin, The Police, Nirvana, Foo Fighters, DFA 1979, Dj Shadow, Beastie Boys... enough - even this is a small sampling!

Movies:

Pulp Fiction, Fight Club, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, Spinal Tap, LOTR ( if I have the stamina ), Unbreakable, Dawn of the Dead 2K4 + Night of Living Dead '90, Bottle Rocket, Anchorman, 40 Year Old Virgin, Batman Begins, Back to the Futures, Princess Bride, X-mens, Predator, Rain Man, Usual Suspects, Memento, Trainspotting, Matrix (1st only), anything with Olivia "slurp" O'Lovely ;~D ( sorry, for the perv side of things )... and on and on... way too many, despite there being so many horrible movies out there I hate too!

Television:

Who's b.s.realities are these "reality" shows based on? I don't remember ever being stuck on an island with a bunch of beautiful women all stabbing each other in the back for a piece of my action! Very casual with tv. Food Network is tops, especially Iron Chef and Kitchen Nightmares. What else : Daily Show, Conan O'Brien, Hockey GO HABS GO!!!!, Chapelle Show, South Park, Seinfeld, 2 & 1/2 Men, Family Guy, original Trek, Simpsons and just random movies that play. For the moment, Robot Chicken and Prison Break rules and I like to catch Mindfreak with Criss Angel - awesome, check it : I challenge anyone to watch and not be impressed. All good stuff, but I don't schedule myself around the tv.

Books:

A few favs off the top of my head : the Hobbit & LOTR by Tolkien, Trainspotting by Welsh, 1984 by Orwell, the Handmaid's Tale by Atwood, Fight Club by Palahniuk, The Color Purple by Walker, Dracula by Stoker, Interview with the Vampire by Rice, and the Shining by King. Guess I have a penchant for sci-fi / horror. Also peek into Mad Magazine(the classics) and Weekly World News sometimes.

Heroes:

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My Blog

Montreal shooting

About the shootings Wednesday, I actually work at the Place Alexis Nihon office tower, right across the street from the school, and I was locked inside a Winners store in the mall for an hour and half...
Posted by Jay on Fri, 15 Sep 2006 09:03:00 PST

No hairpiece required

Alright, so I'm walking by this store that sells toupees... wigs, rugs, pieces... whatever you like. Now, granted, there have been many leaps and bounds in the field as scientists, doctors, farmers a...
Posted by Jay on Wed, 16 Aug 2006 06:02:00 PST

Need a job?

Greetings Potential Corporate Lackeys,   We at JAY ENTERPRISES Inc. are always on the look-out for hard-hitting, dedicated employees interested in becoming trusted, valued members of ...
Posted by Jay on Thu, 03 Aug 2006 08:20:00 PST

Tastes Like Burning...

Hey All!Okay, 1st blog, what to talk about... well, I'm sitting here eating my 3rd bowl of CHOCOLATE Lucky Charms. I can't help but look at this and wonder where our diets are going. Are they try...
Posted by Jay on Tue, 18 Jul 2006 05:52:00 PST