Duncan Darling profile picture

Duncan Darling

I'm like CHILDREN OF THE CORN meets STRANGERS WITH CANDY. But with more singing and dancing.

About Me


"I aspire to help my fellow man. As long as he is not smelly or dirty or something gross." ~ Cordelia Chase
"I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist." ~ Tammy Faye
"People say I'm extravagant because I want to be surrounded by beauty. But tell me, who wants to be surrounded by garbage?" ~ Imelda Marcos
"It costs a lot of money to look this cheap." ~ Dolly Parton
"The last mosquito that bit me had to book into the Betty Ford Clinic." ~ Patsy Stone
"Nobody's perfect. (Just kidding.)" ~ Elitist Proverb

Okay, so I'm a big old slut for movies and books and have this shameful fascination with trashy celebrity gossip. My friends insist that I'm "funny" (which apparently means both ha-ha funny and peculiar funny). Among them I am known variously as DuncaRoo, Dutch, DuncaDoodle, Punk'n, Button, Double D, Coconut and sometimes even "The Nice One," but that's mostly because my so-called friends are meaner than a rabid pack of winter-starved wolverines. I mean, c'mon! Look at my Top 16 ... cons, cutthroats and crack hos, the lot of them. Most of them suffer from L.A.M.S. to one degree or another. I could toss Whitney Houston, Paula Abdul and Courtney Love into the mix and everyone would get along famously, I can assure you. Clearly, I also try not to take myself (or anyone else) too seriously. I am not a big fan of "fierce" gay attitude.
People do seem surprised to learn that I was raised in a very strict Catholic household, with a blossoming childhood career in what I like to call "God's Little Spotlight" as an altar boy. But in today's material world not even the Pope believes in Limbo anymore and I personally seem to commit at least 3 of the 7 Deadly Sins on a daily basis. And guess what? Not dead yet.
Honestly though, I try to be a good guy ... a friend to rich widows and lost orphans and stray puppies everywhere ... but I guess I'm just not really the "Boy Next Door" type ... unless you just so happen to live next door to me, which would mean that you're that crazy old Cat Lady shuffling around 24-7 in a mangy housedress and rainbow-stripey kneesocks, who keeps her Christmas lights up year-round and spies on all her neighbors ... and you shouldn't even be trolling around on MySpace, you nasty old granny! But have yourself a merry little Christmas anyway.
If you'd like to know anything else (like how I love lightning bugs but detest celery), I guess you could message me or check out the festering pocket of self-indulgent wickedness which passes as my blog. I should warn you though, that I rarely use MySpace anymore, and have made the switch to Facebook. Although all those applications are really becoming a nuisance and I'm getting pretty annoyed by Facebook as well. Anyway, look me up over there!

My Interests

Writing, comedy, wallowing in trashy celeb goss ... but hopefully redeeming myself with fine literature and theatre and other such hoity toity pursuits, living totally beyond my financial means, nurturing my vices and watching them flourish and bloom, shadenfreude, frosted animal cookies, caffeine, vodka, road trips to Montreal, boys, toys, boytoys, carnivorous plants, breaking into song for no apparent reason, lost pygmy tribes (especially the cannibal ones), and of course ...
... World Peace!*

*Yeah, I just threw that "world peace" part in so I didn't seem quite so gay and self-absorbed. :P

I'd like to meet:



I like creative, funny, intelligent, down-to-earth people ... people with at least a lick of common sense. I have this tendency not to add "friend" requests on MySpace unless we message each other or chat a bit at first. There are a lot of big titty pornbots and junebug-crazy creepers on this thing, and my mother taught me never to talk to strangers ... unless they are really, really cute or give me candy. ;)
As far as my taste in guys goes (which is most notoriously bad and definitely a cause for some concern), here is a little checklist of what I am not looking for. I am not looking for guys who are:
a) entirely dysfunctional
b) self-absorbed and shallow
c) compulsively slutty
d) downright fugly
e) inbred Louisiana hatchet murderers.*
*Now, don't all you inbred Louisiana hatchet murderers go sending me hate comments and emails or hop in your rusty Chevy pickups and drive on up here to Canada to chop my head off or anything. Its nothing personal. You're just not my type. Unless, of course, you look something like this:


Duncan Punk'n has Oodles of Gorgeous Friends*

*but these aren't them. Lavern

Lizard

Foxy

Miller

Richie Rich

Crumpet

Jesse

Germy

Lance-A-Hot

Spindleshanks

Miss Aysh

Rasty

Justine

Chupacabra

Miss D of the Fugly Purse

Thieving Steroid Slut

View all of Duncan's Friends

Music:

Sigur Ros, Air, Azure Ray, Frou Frou, Mandalay, Gwen Stefani, Bjork, Scissor Sisters, Sia, Freezepop, Dangerous Muse, The Postal Service, Bent, Figurine, West End Girls, Taxi Doll, Everything But The Girl, Kate Bush, Howie Day, Massive Attack, Jonatha Brooke, Matthew Sweet, Angelo Badalamenti, Royksopp, James Blunt, Missy Elliott, Mariah Carey, The Cure, The Smiths, Danny Elfman, The Cocteau Twins, Emm Gryner, Tori Amos, Rilo Kiley, Blondie, Cyndi Lauper, Stevie Nicks and Annie Lennox.DJs: David Morales, Deep Dish, Peter Rauhofer, Joe Gauthreaux (so HOT!), DJ Tiga (him too!), Offer Nissim, Patrick Dream, Jose Nunez, Jacques Lu Cont.

Movies:


Strictly Ballroom, Nightmare Before Christmas, TransAmerica, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Delicatessen, Pan's Labyrinth, The Illusionist, Adaptation, Beetlejuice, Corpse Bride, Edward Scissorhands, Sleepy Hollow, Pee Wee's Big Adventure, Batman, Batman Returns, Big Fish, Batman Begins, Serenity, X-Men, Borat, The Descent, King Kong, V for Vendetta, American Beauty, The Prestige, Moulin Rouge, Kung Fu Hustle, Hero, The Umbrellas of Cherbourg, Welcome to the Dollhouse, Freeway, Romy and Michelle, Mean Girls, Heathers, Clue, Clueless, Drop Dead Gorgeous, Mirrormask, 12 Monkeys, Gods and Monsters, The Hand That Rocks The Cradle, The Ring, Near Dark, The Hunger, Mommie Dearest, Pretty In Pink, Sixteen Candles, Death Becomes Her, Can't Hardly Wait, Time Bandits, Blue Velvet, Addams Family Values, The Frighteners, The Garbage Pail Kids Movie, The Bad Seed, Kill Bill (Vol. 1 and 2), Lifeboat, Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?

Television:


Veronica Mars, Ugly Betty, Battlestar Galactica, Dexter, Grey's Anatomy, Torchwood, Buffy, Little Britain, Extras, Strangers With Candy, Wonder Showzen, The Catherine Tate Show, The Colbert Report, Alias (I

Books:

Neil Gaiman, Gregory Maguire, Roald Dahl, Jonathan Carroll, Chuck Palahniuk, Timothy Findley, David Sedaris, Alan Moore, Ray Bradbury, C.S. Lewis, Mary Norton, Oscar Wilde, Edgar Allen Poe, H.P. Lovecraft, Jeff Vandermeer, Edward Gorey, Roman Dirge, Stephen King (most of his older stuff anyway), Anne Rice (her's too, before she went completely wiggedy whack and started writing about the life and times of the Baby Jesus), Clive Barker, Poppy Z. Brite, J.R.R. Tolkien, Sheri Tepper, and Thomas Ligotti.

Heroes:


I love people who can make me laugh, make me think, or stir things up a bit. People like Margaret Cho, Amy Sedaris, Sarah Silverman, Sandra Bernhard, Parker Posey, Jennifer Coolidge, the Little Britain boys, Catherine Tate, Dave Chapelle, Catherine O'Hara, Ellen Degeneres, Stephen Colbert, Tammy Faye Baker, Jonny McGovern the Gay Pimp, Clarence from Wonder Showzen, the "Go Fug Yourself" girls, and even that messy little moppet Courtney Love, if for no other reason than she brought back tiaras as a viable fashion accessory. That bitch has some chops.

My Blog

Britney Vs. Kelly ~ Gimme More (Shoes)

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Posted by Duncan Darling on Wed, 10 Oct 2007 08:03:00 PST

Quickie Movie Review ~ Dead Silence

Okay, so this reasonably hot guy (who I guess used to be on "Summerland," a show I never watched) and his gangly stick-figure wife (who has this extremely distracting long storky neck and these little...
Posted by Duncan Darling on Sun, 22 Apr 2007 05:37:00 PST

Vagina Power with Alexyss Tylor

The following video is perhaps one of the most unintentionally hysterical things I have ever seen. It's a local public access TV show out of Atlanta, featuring a mother/daughter team doling out a heap...
Posted by Duncan Darling on Thu, 19 Apr 2007 06:37:00 PST

Alanis' Humps

Ya know, when it comes to Alanis Morissette and her whole "Angsty White Chick Who Broke Away From Her Teen Pop Diva Tiffany-Wannabe Roots and Became a Serious Artiste With A Boxcar Willy Full of Emot...
Posted by Duncan Darling on Sat, 07 Apr 2007 07:43:00 PST

Choda ~ The New Gay Yoga

Choda (or Divatagogo) is one of the sixty-nine schools of homosensual philosophy, focusing on meditation as a path to self-absorption and sexual/social gratification. Ancient texts establishing the b...
Posted by Duncan Darling on Thu, 22 Mar 2007 12:13:00 PST

A Very Convenient Truth

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Posted by Duncan Darling on Thu, 15 Mar 2007 09:10:00 PST

Apocalyptic White Trash

As the "Cult of Celebrity" spirals insanely out of control here in the Last Days (i.e. Sweeps Week), I have recently decided to start my own religion, known as the Church of the Tabloid Revelation. So...
Posted by Duncan Darling on Mon, 05 Mar 2007 08:24:00 PST

Jackie & Debra ~ BFFs no more!

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Posted by Duncan Darling on Sun, 25 Feb 2007 07:34:00 PST

NFCTD

NFTCD is definitely one of the coolest uses for Flash animation that I've ever seen on the web. Artist Caleb Johnston has created an interactive montage of images using snippets of 19th century litera...
Posted by Duncan Darling on Tue, 20 Feb 2007 08:22:00 PST

It's the Year of the Pig (Face).

As today the world celebrates the Year of the Golden Pig according to the Chinese Lunar calendar, I thought it apropos to post the trailer for Penelope. Scheduled for release on April 6, the film star...
Posted by Duncan Darling on Sun, 18 Feb 2007 02:55:00 PST