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Double-Helix Twist

Aliases: (the) Joo (boy) Archnemesis: Topgun Talwar's Cocaine Addicted Bear Birthday: February 21, 1984 Diet: Coffee & the souls of all mankind Entourage: 2 fat guys, a Filipino & a girl named Ryan Finishing Move: Fluffy-Bunny Death Strike Heroes: Mohandas Gandhi, Batman Location: (Please Don't Call It) The O.C. Occupation: Drug Dealer, Pro Wrestling Cameraman Quote: "...Freddy Valentine hasn't done shit!"

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About Me...

The infamous Myspace biography; where to begin? Well let’s start with the obvious. My name’s Evan, I’m a 6 foot 4 stick, born & raised of Orange County in southern California. “(Please Don’t Call It) The O.C.”

Let’s get a little more specific. I have Tourette’s Syndrome, though you’d never know it unless I told you (like I just did). I’ve worked for years to keep the more obvious symptoms suppressed, though I have a relatively mild case so it’s rarely been an obstacle for me. On occasion though you will find me mixing a word salad, or see some involuntary motor ticks shooting off. I curse like a sailor though I doubt that’s the Tourette’s talking.

I was a child actor from the age of 13 to 18. Minor parts here & there in commercials, student films, Indy flicks, and the like. Don’t ask what I’ve done or if you would have seen my in anything because I never did anything special, and I doubt you would’ve seen or even remember some random bit role in a pork product commercial or a children’s lip-synching show. As a child acting was something that I was very passionate about, but you can fast become disillusioned in the business by the informal & oft times callus nature of the casting process & the politics that might accompany it. I say that to sound like a big deal, but really I sucked. I got out of it because I had the face of a 12 year old by Hollywood-standards, and at 18 years of age & standing 6 foot-whatever it was very unlikely that I’d be cast for anything. Who at the Disney Channel is gonna want a 6 foot giant playing a kid who isn’t even in Jr. High yet? I outgrew the industry literally, I gave up a normal social life during those years, and I was tired of the effort that was required of me so I quit. I still have a few friends I talk to or see now and then, but I have no interest in returning to that line of work. Besides, I still suck.

I wouldn’t mind returning in a different capacity however. I have an aptitude for creative writing, and the notion of screenwriting has crossed my mind on more than one occasion. Though I can probably see myself becoming a novelist sooner than a screenwriter. I also enjoy poetry rather thoroughly.

I’m a little conflicted when it comes to my life’s pursuits. I have a wide interest in a number of academic areas, and my major has been changed countless times to reflect those interests. In all likelihood I’ll end up dead in a gutter, stuck in a cubicle which may lead to my ending up in a gutter, or teaching something along the lines of history to a bunch of crybaby emo kids in high school. Since I don’t know what I want to do I’ve taken my time in college, taking classes that I have a genuine interest in rather than the classes that are required. I’m just searching for something that will spark my interest and will make me want to spend the rest of my life in a job related to that field and enjoy it. I may be too picky about the situation as we all have jobs at one point or another that we hate, but if I have a choice I’d like to pursue a career that I can actually enjoy for the most part. Because of my ass-backwards philosophy on my college education I’m close to a couple of Associate degrees in Philosophy, History, and English. I might not have a use for them down the line, but I figure I might as well go ahead and knock those out of the way if I can.

As a kid I had an interest in professional wrestling. I know it might seem amusing, even ridiculous, but don’t be too quick to judge. In any event as I grew up I made a few acquaintances in the professional wrestling industry. Now I work for an independent wrestling promotion as a cameraman, and a member of the ringcrew. I enjoy the job, the company of people it places me in, and the excitement that it presents. It’s also given me a number of amusing stories to tell like the time I was choked out with a sleeper hold at an IHOP in Hollywood at 3am, or the time I got knocked head first into the ring-post while filming at ringside & wound up with a mild concussion. That last one was my own fault; I didn't get out of the way in time. Childish as it may seem to most people it is a rewarding job, and I value the time I spend working in such an unusual business.

My family’s pretty interesting. My dad is an amputee & a cancer survivor as a result. He had a rare & aggressive strain of sarcoma a few years ago that forced doctors to amputate his right leg above the knee. He’s a workaholic, and his side of the family is decidingly evil. They could all die and I swear the world would be a better place. My mom is… well, my mom. I’m amazed she hasn’t lost her mind putting up with my crap and all the problems our family has had to deal with over the years. My brother is a high functioning autistic. If you ever saw Rainman this will be easy to explain. Place yourself at one end of a spectrum, and Rainman at the opposite end. My brother is in between in terms of intelligence, social capabilities, coping, and so on. If you meet him you’d just think he’s rude, and/or has a short attention span.

Random Tidbits of My Likes & Dislikes...

Batman Begins, Children Of Men, Boondock Saints, and Fight Club are among my favorite movies. While I will watch just about anything, including Who’s That Girl (I should go to prison for that), I am firmly against any musical artist (esp. hip hop) who star in their own movie & play a character near identical to themselves trying to make it in the music industry on some level. It’s just fucking lame & a bullshit way for them to avoid tooting their own horn by a technicality.

“Fuckbuckets” is my favorite curse word, and it’s MY curse word. I invented it, so don’t fucking steal it you kleptomaniacal piece of crap! Oh, I also like the word “apeshit,” but rarely find an occasion to use it as it’s a verb that doesn’t work well as an expletive. And of course, the good ol’ F-Bomb itself. Who doesn’t love to say “Fuck?” I also love the phrase “broken condom” because it’s such a powerful phrase that can illicit any number of extreme responses depending on the person & the situation. Oh, and mom jokes. You can never go wrong with mom jokes. Even if you’re just spewing out one bad mom joke after another, the goal is what’s admirable.

I love to eat Jambalaya, the traditional Thanksgiving meal, and panfried potstickers. Vodka, Tequila, Dr. Pepper (which is the greatest soda of all time), and regular milk are my poisons of choice. Not all mixed together though. That’d be fucking nasty. I am however firmly opposed to mixing energy drinks & liquor. Uppers & downers are not fun for the drunk, or the individual who takes care of them. I've had a few long nights doing just that, and once a trip to the emergency room. I hate alcoholics & that includes myself when I've had tequila which apparently I can't hold if my life depended on it.

I enjoy listening to A.F.I., Audioslave, the Bravery, Linkin Park, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Shiny Toy Guns, & U2. While I love A.F.I.’s early punk stuff I’m far more fond of their more recent material despite the Emo fan base that follows it. Let it be known that I hate Emo kids & Emo music. In stark contrast I’m not too fond of U2 as much as I was, as I almost prefer their earlier material, especially their Irish punk sound. Aside from that I’ll listen to just about anything except the royally redneck, generic, country music. I also can’t stand anything Christian probably because of my disappointment in most Christian organizations.

I’m a dork at heart so I love dorky stuff like Graphic Novels, or plain old comic books. I’ll pick up a few every year usually when I go to Comic-Con with my brother. I’m very fond of anything Batman. Batman: Hush is simply amazing. I’m also a big fan of The Walking Dead. Great stuff.

As for regular books I really like Frank Herbert’s epic Sci-Fi masterpiece Dune, Mick Foley’s insightful Have A Nice Day: A Tale of Blood and Sweatsocks, and Max Brooks’ uniquely written World War Z.

Back to the dorky stuff; videogames. I love any solid first person shooter with good level design and balanced weapons like Farcry, the Half-Life series, and so on. I love just about anything out there that doesn’t flat out suck major balls. My favorite game of all time however is the first Deus Ex. An amazing balance of FPS & RPG elements with an incredible story, and for the time it was made, a huge scope & amount of open-endedness.

My favorite shows are Entourage, South Park, 30 Rock, and Battlestar Galactica. No, not the old Battlestar with Lorne Greene from Bonanza, and Dirk Benedict from the A-Team. Although I don’t mind the original because I’m a dork, and I don’t mind the A-Team either because, well, the A-Team is the fucking shit. They fired a million rounds of ammunition in that show & they never even grazed a bad guy. WTF!? Also, I love any series on HBO. That channel is genius.

Some Even More Random Things...

I like it when it rains, because then I have a legitimate excuse to stay indoors & vege out with a warm drink. I enjoy yelling “JAYWALKER!” out the car window as I drive by jaywalkers. When I was younger I used to draw when I felt creative or bored, now I write poetry, but none of that self-loathing, dark, woe is me, Emo, suicide-wannabe, bullshit. I’ll either try to paint a vivid reality with my words or get a laugh out of the reader. I hate returning messages if the message I got was simply, “Give me a call when you get this.” I hate that. If it’s something stupid, I’m going to be pissed that I gave you a call back. If you leave me a message tell me the jist of it, so I have more reason to call you back if it’s actually important. I hate hypocrites, even myself if I act like one. I once severed my finger tip in the weight room at my high school. My doctor masterfully sewed it back on with only three strategically placed stiches. I'm too loose with my money & need to start acting like the Jew my friends claim I am when it comes to money. I typically sleep on the right side of the bed, and I think it's a matter of walking space around my bed.

That’s really all the relevant information about me, so if you have any Q’s let me know. Or don’t. Be an antisocial prick. I don’t care… asshole.

Sincerely,

Evan

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