Deranged sociopath. Shrewd business woman. Attention whore. Blood sucking murderer. Maybe mama shouldn’t have had so much Absinthe with Eryn in utero…..Born to a psychotic psychiatrist heavily involved in medical mutilations of the mentally insane and his neurotic assistant/mistress, Eryn was ditched at a Coney Island sideshow within hours of her birth. Taken in by a microcephalic (that’s a “pinhead†to you and me) and his alcoholic wife and her parasitic twin, Eryn led a life of hard work with no reward. Shut away from the world for her unfashionable “normal†appearance, she grew quite fond of dark spaces and solitude. In exchange for her “companyâ€, the Coney Island “Seal Boy†provided Eryn with an impressive education, even by our standards.Eryn later entered the corporate world as a means to support the family’s dwindling finances as protesters had all but shut down our beloved sideshows, putting human anomalies and freaks out of work to prevent their exploitation. She found her niche as a cut-throat, back-stabbing executive and quickly rose to the top of the corporate ladder (we’ll leave the details of that accomplishment to the reader’s imagination). With her life on a straight track to success, Eryn made a fateful mistake which would come to be her undoing. Eryn auditioned for and was chosen to appear on Season 37 of the Apprentice (thought she looked familiar, didn’t you). This promised to be her ticket out of her conformist corporate life into a life of celebrity and wealth. It was everything she’d dreamed of.Alas, Eryn’s growing mental instability brought on her demise and she was fired in Episode 1 in a display still replayed on “Worst of Reality TV†programs world-wide.
The blow and humiliation was too much for Eryn, and within days, an intense sociopathic rage took hold. What happened is still unclear, even to our dear Eryn. What is known is Eryn’s mental “episode†would have brought on multiple life sentences in a court of law...had she not teamed up with the equally devious Nina Nightmare to build the first banked track derby league in the PNW....
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