We discussed Christmas, Cliff Richard and even The Stone Roses...
Q.) Malcolm, 'We're All Going to Die' is being released as your response to the Christmas chart being dominated by manufactured pop acts. Do you think we can ever claim the charts back from the machiavellian grasp of Simon Cowell and co?
No, the charts are fucked, they are the sole possession of the major industry mainstream. Occasionaly people like myself will attempt guerilla style forays, but it seems like we will always be thwarted.
Q.) What should we put in Simon Cowell's Christmas stocking?
We should glue ipod headphones to his ears and force him to listen to the stuff he normally champions as good music. That'd teach him.
Q.) As well as Colin Murray, have you heard from any other celebrity well-wishers who want to banish our airwaves of X-Factor filth at Christmas?
Eh, Ian Brown is backing me too.
Q.) What should we put in Colin Murray's Christmas stocking?
Half of my royalty cheque.
Q.) William Hill gave 'We're All Going To Die' their longest ever odds for a Christmas number 1 with 1000-1! How much of a wager did you stick on it Malcolm?
I put a £10 bet on the other day. Odds were 8/1. Not so good....
Q.) If you are successful in preventing another X-Mass-Factor number 1, what will you do for the new year Malcolm?
I'll do some charity work for a bit until I've washed all of this slime from my soul. And then record a really obtuse and unlistenable album.
Q.) What should we put in William Hill's Christmas stocking?
A murdered race horse.
Q.) The Spice Girls bottled going head-to-head with you for the Christmas number 1. Which Spice Girl would you most like to impail on the sharp-edged peak of a Christmas tree?
None really, nice bunch of girls.
Q.) What should we put in Ginger Spice's Christmas stocking this year?
An ounce of wit.
Q.) It has been stated that, despite the song's negative-sounding title, you feel the song perfectly sums up the spirit of Christmas. For you, what song best embodies the spirit of yuletide?
No comment.
Q.) What should we put in Shane McGowan's Christmas stocking?
Some alcohol of course!
Q.) Cliff Richard has had nine Christmas hits, if Harry wanted to do a Christmas duet with you next year to keep his infamous record in full flow, what song would you cover?
Silent Night.
Q.) What should we put in Cliff Richard's Christmas stocking?
An ashtray containing the ashes of a young upstarts career.
Q.) June Sarpong recently described 'We're All Going To Die' as "horrible" on her soul-less and irrelevant T4 show. What should we put in her Christmas stocking?
Let's be nice about this. How about a new job? A proper TV show? Not just the Hollyoaks advert slot.
Q.) You were once interviewed by Christmassy-sounding model Helena Christensen in The Face, who claimed to be a big fan of Arab Strap. Is she still on your Christmas card list and is she equally impressed with your solo records?
We're not in touch anymore.
Q.) Had Helena wanted to don a sexy Mrs Claus' outfit and appear in the video for 'We're All Going To Die', would you have followed Chris Isaak's lead and pitched her into her second music video?
Yes, of course.
Q.) What should we put in Helena Christensen's Christmas stocking?
a sexy Ms Claus outfit.
Q.) In September 2006, a message on the official Arab Strap website announced the end of the band by stating that "Everybody likes a happy ending!". A happy ending for me would be for you to team up with Aidan for a 'Christmas With the Beach Boys'-style Arab Strap album. Any chance of that in my 2008 Christmas stocking?
None.
Q.) Provost Alex Fowler once exclaimed "These people are a disgrace to Falkirk" when describing you and your former band-mate Aidan Moffat. Have you ever been asked to switch on Falkirk's Christmas lights since this outburst?
Ha. Maybe next year. The town has forgiven me though.
Q.) What should we put in Provost Alex Fowler's Christmas stocking?
Aidan wearing a balaclava.
Q.) Will you be returning to your hometown for Christmas? Describe a typical Falkirk Christmas to me.
No and no.
Q.) What should we put in (Falkirk F.C. Manager) John Hughes' Christmas stocking?
Who?
Q.) You described Kate Moss' beauty on Arab Strap's debut album, what would you put in her Christmas stocking?
A long detailed letter.
Q.) You once sang, "Unless you've been a good boy or girl, you're fucked." I have been a good boy this year, what's the chances of a signed Malcolm Middleton Santa hat?
None.
Q.) As well as Simon Cowell and Cliff Richard, Coca Cola have also been accused of high-jacking Christmas with their red and white Father Christmas subliminal messaging. Should Irn Bru reinvent Santa as a ginger bearded, orange suit-wearing alkie?
That would be great, you should tell them about this idea. Maybe I could do the music?
Q.) In the 'We're All Going To Die' video, your stunt double pulls a cracker with a cracker on a train and wins. If a ginger-bearded Santa imposter tried to do this to your own girlfriend, what friendly Christmas advice would you offer him?
No comment.
Q.) You have described the release of 'We're All Going To Die' as "about the battle for good against evil, socialism versus capitalism, the Scottish cult indie musician versus a global terror perpetuated by Louis Walsh and Simon Cowell". Are you looking forward to the return of Archie Buchanan this Christmas in River City?
Eh, yes. I don't watch it but I met him on a train recently and we shared a bottle of stolen red wine. A good guy.
Q.) As this is a 'Reform The Stone Roses' web-page. What do you reckon Ian Brown should put in John Squire's Christmas stocking?
An apology.
So there we have it, a Christmas with Malcolm Middleton. I am right behind his bid to get 'We're All Going To Die' to number one this year. You can also do your bit by downloading the single by Sunday afternoon (tomorrow). The midweek chart had Malcolm in at no 26.
The single can be downloaded at the following link:
Check out Malcolm's MYSPACE
********Robbie Jay Maddix took time out from his busy schedule to speak to Paulo about his time as drummer with The Stone Roses. Hear what he had to say by clicking the following link and find out just how much Ian Brown has been offered to REFORM THE ROSES... PiratePods.com gave REFORM THE ROSES a call on the 11th August 2007 to discuss our planned mass download. America is interested and PiratePod's Nick spoke at length to Paulo about our aim. Check out www.piratepods.com for more. Enjoy! 3000 Stone Roses fans voted in our poll to decide which Roses track we should download in the week beginning 27/08/2007. Here are the results: The Stone Roses split up almost 11 years ago. To show them how much we want them back, we organised a mass download on the week commencing 27th August 2007.I AM THE RESURRECTION was chosen and downloaded by an estimated 5000 Roses fans.The download didn't get The Roses back into the charts but REFORM THE ROSES isn't finished yet.We have a lot more coming up soon so keep checking back.All you have to do just now is add us as a friend by clicking on the link below:We have attracted more than 20,000 Roses fans who all want THE STONE ROSES to reform. This truly is What The World Is Waiting For!To support REFORM THE ROSES, you can also add the following banner to your page:Just add the following code to your 'About Me' or 'Who I'd Like To Meet' sections and our banner will be displayed on your page!