Joan Kelly profile picture

Joan Kelly

joankelly

About Me

I wrote a book called THE PLEASURE'S ALL MINE: MEMOIR OF A PROFESSIONAL SUBMISSIVE. I wanted it to say "WHO HAS TROUBLE TAKING ORDERS" at the end of the title, but nobody was with me. And by nobody, I mean the publishers. And by with me, I mean appreciative enough of my fantastic ideas.

The book got a brief burst of publicity when it came out in early 2006, culminating in a one week stint on the San Francisco Chronicle bestseller list, a blurb on the New York Post's Page Six, and a one-off sponsorship deal with a maker of female orgasm enhancement cream. Hold your applause - business also dropped off as soon as the book came out, and I was finally forced to find other employment.

You can start clapping again - I'm unexpectedly happy in my straight job now, and I'm writing another book that can't possibly ruin my current career.

I'm also a comedy groupie, or I guess I should say a hanger-on, since I think groupies get sex out of the deal. I get backstage access at the UCB theater and unexpected opportunities to gaze lovingly at Brody Stevens.

P.S. Please don't post advertisements for yourselves in my comments section, it aggravates me. Putting a tiny font generic happy birthday greeting on your advertisement and posting it in my comments section is putting an advertisement in my comments section, people. For fuck's sake already.

P.P.S. I have a physical condition where I get spasms that cause me to hit the "delete from friends" button when people send me chain-letter messages or post them to the bulletin board.

P.S.S. I put bisexual as my orientation because I don't know what the fuck anymore, when it comes to sex and dating. I should have put "cranky about it," but that wasn't an option for that field.

My Interests

What my cats are doing at any given time.

I'd like to meet:

Andrea Dworkin's ghost

Anyone who likes the heart and fierceness and humor of these people among others:

http://www.theunapologeticmexican.org/elgrito/http://guyanes eterror.blogspot.com/http://antiessentialistspeaksup.wordpre ss.com/http://brownfemipower.com/

Music:

A wide range that reflects well on my character.

Movies:

Rosemary's Baby, Jaws, Flirting with Disaster, Midnight Run

Television:

Love it.

Books:

all the not-boring ones

My Blog

No longer That Fucking Feminist

I forgot to mention it at the time, but I got laid off from my gig as a sex advice columnist.  The editor of Girlistic, who is awesome, put me out of my misery after a year of answering fake ques...
Posted by Joan Kelly on Thu, 14 Feb 2008 02:59:00 PST

I seem to be losing friends...

...at the pace of a couple every now and then.  Not even a "screw you it's over," message from any of them either.  And I'd just like to say, in honor of Martha Kelly and some middle schoole...
Posted by Joan Kelly on Tue, 28 Aug 2007 04:45:00 PST

Winter Issue - Girlistic - TFF column

Dear Joan, I heard that using one of those over the counter numbing sprays for sore throats can help a person perform "deep throat" blow jobs more comfortably. Is it safe to do this, and does it work?...
Posted by Joan Kelly on Thu, 15 Mar 2007 02:28:00 PST

My knee-jerk feminist sex advice column

A couple of nice young women started a new online/printable feminist magazine called Girlistic, and I've let loose with my bossy opinions on other people's private problems in every issue.  Which...
Posted by Joan Kelly on Thu, 15 Mar 2007 02:19:00 PST

Defenseless

Yes I am going to talk about a dream I had last night.  And no I don't care that nobody is ever interested to hear about anybody else's dreams.I am terrified of spiders; I don't wish them an...
Posted by Joan Kelly on Fri, 09 Feb 2007 11:07:00 PST