sharpening my fingernails,(religously),puncturing inflatable objects and well-maincured lawns with my stilettos when people are not looking, 'accidentally' hitting small children and toddlers with my handbag (CUNTS, the lot of them. If you can't speak properly then if I was you I would SHUT THE FUCK UP. Before I CHEW YOUR FACE OFF.)
Things I am not interested in:
YOU.
I am interested in me, though, and I imagine you are too, so we could talk about that. Just don't think we'll be having some cunty little chat about men over a bottle of your warm chardonnay and a moldy Silk Cut Ultra, whilst your cat rubs its flea-infested fur again my bespoke woolen trousers. For your information, I only drink drinks you can ignite with a naked flame. I also fucking hate cats.
I'll get my PA to get back to you on that one.
Since you ask, there is a special someone I would like to meet. I'm looking to adopt a small African child, as apparently that is in fashion at the moment. He will have to have a pretty face because I cannot stand ugly people; they are so terribly distracting. Please get in touch if you see one around.
Enya.
Films where the main charcater is thinly veiled version of MOI, such as The Devil Wears Prada. Other films and characters within them of course are based on me, such as Rachel Weisz's character in The Constant Gardener (although I'm sure that is screamingly obvious to anyone who has seen the film).
Darling, I don't watch it. I'm ON it.
Books where the main character is inspired by me. Books about me. Books in which I feature in a cameo role. I also like reading other people's diaries, but not if I am supposed to read them like that cunty Bridget Jones's diary. Load of silly old nonsense.
Good, old fashioned dictators. None of that doe-eyed, soft-bearded Osama Bin Laden nonsense.