Things that are fresh:
"If the good doctor would, please show the class how babies are made."
"Thank you. It's really quite simple, Brandon. Let me just start with this chart here..."
Things that are fresh:
"If the good doctor would, please show the class how babies are made."
"Thank you. It's really quite simple, Brandon. Let me just start with this chart here..."
Mmmmmm, dubstep. This mix right here is disgusting...
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Baratone Freestyle . Swift /Manzy P
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Add to My Profile | More VideosMiami Nocturnal 8 am?
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Space people.
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I love all sorts of music, but my favorite general categories would be: 1. electronic music, especially dnb, dubstep, and house; 2. hip-hop, of all flavors, and; 3. latin music, especially reggaeton, cumbia, duranguense, etc.After that, I also got much love for 2-step garage, grime, jazz, classical, techno, industrial, salsa, etc. etc. etc.A few random artists (don't you hate these lists?): Beck is a demigod, Postal Service, Def Jux & elP, Morissey, Saul Williams, Photek, Krust, Ray Kieth, Dillinja, JMajik, Klute, Dom & Roland, Dylan, NIN, LTJ, Goldie, POTD, Sage Francis, Lyrics Born, Pantera, Metallica, Slipknot, Tool, Sepultura, the Mushroom Jazz series, MeatBeat Manifesto, Aphex Twin, Plug, Nirvana, Filter, Toadies, Prodigy, White Zombie Roni Size, Adam F, Bauhaus, Spamgazm, Portishead, Poe, Josh Wink, Eminem, Dr. Octagon, Frank Sinatra, Badu, Johnny Cash, Radiohead, WHAM!, MIA, Human League, John B, Calibre, High Contrast, Kraftwerk, Dresden Dolls, Numbers, Swisha, Kanye, Outkast, Bach, Haydn, Jedi Mind, Sonic Youth, Kid 606, Total Science, Dizzee, Tech Itch, KRS, Decoder, Kosheen.
~*Brandon by the numbers*~Number of cigarrettes smoked in my lifetime: 30,000-35,000
Number of high schools attended: 1
Number of middle schools: 2
Number of elementary schools: 4
Number of siblings: 4
Number of full siblings: 0
Number of step siblings: 2
Favorite video game series: Dragon Warrior/Dragon Quest
Hobbies: 1
Favorite color: blue (duh)
Favorite color in grade school: red
Sign: Sagittarius
Nasty Ouija board incidents: 1
Favorite numbers (in order from favorite to less favorite): 4, 12, 67
Favorite animals: cats (duh), squirrels, people, I guess
Miles on my car: 117,000
Times given plasma, 2005: 23
Times given plasma, 2006: 6
Plasma given, mL: 21,750
Approximate weight: 49 pounds
Ounces of coffee, monthly: 12 oz.
Most number of roommates at a given time (including me): 4
Longest drive: Dallas, TX to Oakland, CA (1718 miles)
Number of times run over: 1 (it was just my foot)
Broken bones, lifetime: 1
Concussions: 1
Glasses: No
Number of babies made: 0
Roller coaster rides: 2 (terrified)
Cars owned, lifetime: 3.....
1985 Toyota Corolla
1982 Chrysler
1999 Saturn
$ spent on customizing cars: $1 on a bumber sticker
Surviving grandparents: 1
Surviving parents: 1
Close friends friends in Bluebonnet Memorial Park: 2
Number of nationalities in my blood: 4
Percentage European: 100%
Number of jobs, lifetime: 10
Number of jobs, 2005: 0
Worst pay: $5.15
Best pay: $10+
Colleges attended: 3
Tuition, Brookhaven: $450
Tuition, UNT: $3500
States been in: 18
Mental states been in: 849
Countries been in: 3
Countries I want to see: 193
Years of basketball: 4
Years of football: 5
Years of baseball: 4
Skating rink lock-ins attended in the 80's: 2
Times scared by "Thriller" video in the 80's: 1
Shows I remember from the 80's: Sesame Street, Mister Rodgers, Pinwheel, Eureeka's Castle, HeMan and SheRa, Garfield and Friends, Heathcliff, Smurfs, Today's Special, Pinwheel, TNMT, etc, etc.
Trips to church, 2005: 0
Trips to church, 2006: 1
Cats rescued: 1
Cats owned, lifetime: 4
Cats owned now: 1 (RIP Callie)
Spanish stations in my car presets: 4
Hip-hop stations in my car presets: 2
Public stations in my car presets: 3
Alternative stations in my car presets: 1
Pairs of flip-flops owned currently: 3ish
Number of real LTR's, lifetime: 2
Longest one: about 22 months
Number of additional entries about love in this survey: 0
Number of times gone dancing per month, this decade: about 3
Number of full-scale concerts I've attended: 4
Best live performance: Kosheen
Pairs of earplugs owned: 1
Times used: 5
Number of apartments rented: 3
Percentage of life spent under Mom's roof: 84.2%
Perfect attendence awards, year, middle school: 2
Greatest accomplishment as a preschooler: memorizing the state capitals
Greatest accomplishment since: taking out the trash on time
First CD's ever purchased: Offspring, Snoop Dogg
Car accidents of any type involved in: 5
Number in which I was injured: 0
Number even remotely serious: 2
Number that were my fault: 1
Reason: fell asleep at the wheel.
Number of carchases I've been involved in: 2
Number of which I was the chaser: 0
Number of times needlessly jumped: 1
Collars ruined by gnawing while typing, 2005-06: 2
Percentage of shirts from thrift stores: about 80%
Percentage of pants from thrift stores: about 10%
Average wait between shaves: 48-72 hours.
How much I give a damn: 0
Hair products used, daily: 2
Money spent when replenishing both products: $5-$6
Favorite soft drink: Dr. Pepper
Favorite food: pizza
Others: sushi, orange chicken, pasta
Number of people who will read this far: 0
A couple that have stuck out in my mind is The Grapes of Wrath, The Great Gatsby, virtually anything by Stephen King, always loved Greek and Roman myths, Beowulf. Never been a real big novel reader, as I usually read for information rather than entertainment. Right now, I'm reading a collection of short stories called "La Republica de East L.A." cuz it's an easy read for people who speak half-assed Spanish.*~ From The Book of the Subgenius ~*End o' the world drill: First, pretend the Ecohell/Econocataclysm has arrived. Then rehearse the following: Rape. Pillage. Looting. Tearing tin cans open with your teeth. Get depressed and imagine your gums bleeding and your hair falling out from radiation. Wander up and down the street pretending everyone but you is dead. Kill anyone who comes near you. Mutter. Look for loved ones. Get pissed at the President and the Russians. Give up and die. Try this on Sundays with friends, and you'll be a lot readier than most people.*~ From The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostevsky ~*From Book VI: The Russian Monk; Chapter 3: Conversations and Exhortations of Father Zossima. The Russian Monk and his possible Significance....Look at the worldly and all who set themselves up above the people of God; has not God's image and His truth been distorted in them? They have science; but in science there is nothing but what is the object of sense. The spiritual world, the higher part of man's being is rejected altogether, dismissed with a sort of triumph, even with hatred. The world has proclaimed the reign of freedom, especially of late, but what do we see in this freedom of theirs? Nothing but slavery and self-destruction! For the world says:"You have desires and so satisfy them, for you have the same rights as the most rich and powerful. Don't be afraid of satisfying them and even multiply your desires." That is the modern doctrine of the world. In that they see freedom. And what follows from this right of multiplication of desires? In the rich, isolation and spiritual suicide; in the poor, envy and murder; for they have been given rights, but have not been shown the means of satisfying their wants. They maintain that the world is getting more and more united, more and more bound together in brotherly community, as it overcomes distance and sets thoughts flying through the air.Alas, put no faith in such a bond of union. Interpreting freedom as the multiplication and rapid satisfaction of desires, men distort their own nature, for many senseless and foolish desires and habits and ridiculous fancies are fostered in them. They live only for mutual envy, for luxury and ostentation. To have dinners visits, carriages, rank, and slaves to wait on one is looked upon as a necessity, for which life, honour and human feeling are sacrificed, and men even commit suicide if they are unable to satisfy it. We see the same thing among those who are not rich, while the poor drown their unsatisfied need and their envy in drunkenness. But soon they will drink blood instead of wine, they are being led on to it. I ask you is such a man free? I knew one "champion of freedom" who told me himself that, when he was deprived of tobacco in prison, he was so wretched at the privation that he almost went and betrayed his cause for the sake of getting tobacco again! And such a man says, "I am fighting for the cause of humanity."How can such a one fight? What is he fit for? He is capable perhaps of some action quickly over, but he cannot hold out long. And it's no wonder that instead of gaining freedom they have sunk into slavery, and instead of serving, the cause of brotherly love and the union of humanity have fallen, on the contrary, into dissension and isolation, as my mysterious visitor and teacher said to me in my youth. And therefore the idea of the service of humanity, of brotherly love and the solidarity of mankind, is more and more dying out in the world, and indeed this idea is sometimes treated with derision. For how can a man shake off his habits? What can become of him if he is in such bondage to the habit of satisfying the innumerable desires he has created for himself? He is isolated, and what concern has he with the rest of humanity? They have succeeded in accumulating a greater mass of objects, but the joy in the world has grown less...Some random Quotes ~*"Everyone suspects himself of at least one of the cardinal virtues, and this is mine: I am one of the few honest people that I have ever known." F. Scott Fitzgerald from The Great Gatsby"Whenever they's a fight so hungry people can eat, I'll be there. Whenever they's a cop beatin' up a guy, I'll be there . . . . I'll be in the way guys yell when they're mad an' I'll be in the way kids laugh when they're hungry an' they know supper's ready. An' when our folks eat the stuff they raise an' live in the houses they build, why, I'll be there." John Steinbeck from The Grapes of Wrath"I'll touch 'em all the way to the trash can is what I'll do..." Meatwad"Yes, sir, an intelligent man in the nineteenth century must be, is morally obliged to be, principally a characterless creature; a man possessing character, a man of action, is fundamentally a limited creature." Fyodor Dostoevsky, from Notes From Underground"I am a sick man. I am a spiteful man. I am a most unpleasant man." Fyodor Dostoevsky, from Notes From Underground"the most intense pleasures occur in despair." Fyodor Dostoevsky, from Notes From Underground"I've only taken to an extreme that which you haven't even dared to take halfway." Fyodor Dostoevsky, from Notes From Underground"Your whole crew is ice cream fudge." Dr. Octagon, from 3000*~ From The Catcher In the Rye by J.D. Salinger ~*"Women kill me. They really do. I don't mean I'm oversexed or anything like that -- although I am quite sexy. I just like them, I mean. They're always leaving their goddam bags out in the middle of the aisle.""If there's one thing I hate, it's the movies. Don't even mention them to me.""You should've heard the crowd, though, when he was finished. You would've puked. They went mad. They were exactly the same morons that laugh like hyenas in the movies at stuff that isn't funny. I swear to God, if I were a piano player or an actor or something and all those dopes thought I was terrific, I'd hate it. I wouldn't want them to CLAP for me. People always clap for the wrong things. If I were a piano player, I'd play it in the goddam closet.""I still had my red hunting hat on, with the peak around to the back and all. I really got a bang out of that hat.""I'm the most terrific liar you ever saw in your life. It's awful. If I'm on my way to the store to buy a magazine, even, and somebody asks me where I'm going, I'm liable to say I'm going to the opera. It's terrible.""I call people "prince" quite often when I'm horsing around. It keeps me from getting bored or something.""I hate saying corny things like "traveling incognito." But when I'm with somebody that's corny, I always act corny too.""It's funny. Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody."*~ Mitch Hedberg was amazin' ~*If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get pissed off at turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Someone needs to tell the turkey "Man, just be yourself. I already like you, little brother. You do not need to emulate the other animals. I used to draw you." (Stares at hand.)I think a rotisserie is like a really morbid ferris wheel for chickens... "We will take the chicken, kill it, impale it, and then rotate it. And I'll be damned if I'm not hungry! Because spinning chicken carcasses make my mouth water! I like dizzy chicken! With a side of potatoes of some sort."I was in a restaurant and I ordered a chicken sandwich, but I don't think the waitress heard me because she said, "OK, how would you like your eggs, sir?" I tried to answer anyhow: "Incubated. And then raised. And then beheaded. And then plucked. And then cut up. And then put on a grill. And then put on a bun. Shit, it's gonna take a while. I do not have time. Scrambled! You fuckin' confused me."I think Pringles' initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles was a laid-back company. They said "Fuck it. Cut 'em up!"I make instant oatmeal in the morning then I don't do shit for an hour. Makes me wonder why I need the instant oatmeal. I could make the regular oatmeal and feel productive.As a comedian you have to start a show strong and end the show strong. Those are the two key elements. You can't be like pancakes, all exciting at first but at the end you're fucking sick of them.I had a stick of Carefree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.The Kit Kat candy bar has the name "Kit Kat" imprinted in the chocolate. That robs you of chocolate! That's a clever chocolate-saving technique. I'm gonna go down to the factory, and say "Hey, you owe me some letters."I wanted this candy bar in a vending machine..the button I was supposed to push was "HH", so I went to the side, found the H button, and pushed it twice...fuckin', potato chips came out, man, 'cause they had an 'HH' button, for Christ's sake, you need to let me know! I am not familiar with the concept of 'HH!'I can't wait 'til this set is over, 'cuz I've got a roll of Lifesavers in my pocket, and pineapple is next!I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.I used to buy a lot of M&Ms, they're a delicious candy. But then I switched to aspirin. I find that if you hand your friend two aspirin, he doesn't look at you like you're selfish.I've never been in a rotating restaurant, but one time I took my girlfriend to a merry-go-round, I put her on it, and I gave her a burrito.I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.I saw a wino; he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude you have to wait!"Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.You know they call corn-on-the-cob "corn-on-the-cob," but that's how it comes out of the ground, man. They should call that "corn," and call every other version "corn-off-the-cob." It's not like if you cut off my arm you would call it "Mitch," then reattach it and call me "Mitch-all-together."I like baked potatoes, but they take too long to make. Sometimes I throw one in the oven, even if I don't want one. By the time it's done, who knows?