First there was Original Jesus, then Jesus, then Jesus Christ, then Ted Jesus Christ God, Cyborg Jesus and even Supply-side Jesus. There were lots of men, as well as a few women, named Jesus. Only something was not quite right. God was upset that evil still existed and that Oprah controlled Atheism, Islam, Sciencetology, Paganism, Nihilism, Racism, Sexism, Terrorism and crumbs. God's plan was to create a superteam of Jesii, but not everyone could agree on what this team would be. Suggestions ranged from rough and ready gunslingers to totally sweet ninjas.
To end the infighting, God consulted with the Viking God Loki. Loki designed five robotic lions that could join together to form Ultra Jesus. God picked five people to give the keys to these lions for times when Ultra Jesus was needed.
The five people who hold the keys to the lions are:
* George W. Bush - The Black Ranger.
* Bill Gates - The Green Ranger. (Steve Ballmer was orignally chosen, but was fired for threatening to fucking kill God.)
* Jerry Falwell - The Blue Ranger.
* Britney Spears - The Pink Ranger (recently changed to the orange ranger due to, among other things, a marketing ploy with Fanta).
* Margaret Thatcher - The Red Ranger.
Notibly absent is the Yellow Key which was in the possesion of the Dark Lord Sauron until it was stolen by Sub-Zero during World War I. Sub-Zero presented it as a Festivus gift to renowned professional golfer Kim Jong-Il and it lies somewhere in the Country Club of Pyongyang to this day.
