"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever."
"My life is my message."
"You can't shake hands with a clenched fist."
"Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes."
"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."
--Mahatma Gandhi
"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits."
"Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity."
"God is subtle but he is not malicious."
"Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind."
"Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invaribly they are both disappointed."
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
"Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them."
"You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother."
"Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler."
"Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy."
"Life isn't worth living, unless it is lived for someone else."
"I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones."
"The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."
"The important thing is not to stop questioning."
"Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love."
--Albert Einstein
"Last night I discovered a new form of oral contraceptive. I asked a girl to go to bed with me and she said no."
"Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's a pretty good empty experience."
"My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty."
"Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right."
"Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions."
--Woody Allen
"God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh."
"A witty saying proves nothing."
--Voltaire
"Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
"Lost time is never found again."
--Benjamin Franklin
"I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly."
"I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me."
"If you're going through hell, keep going."
"Before we proceed further let us get one thing clear. Are we talking about the brown Indians in India, who have multiplied alarmingly under the benevolent British rule? Or are we speaking of the red Indians in America who, I understand, are almost extinct?"
"We all are worms, but I do believe I am a glowworm."
"Politics are almost as exciting as war and quite as dangerous. In war you can only be killed once, but in politics - many times."
--Winston Churchill
"I've seen George Foreman shadow boxing and the shadow won."
"The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life."
--Muhammad Ali
"If you want a thing done well, do it yourself."
"You must not fight too often with one enemy, or you will teach him all your tricks of war."
"From sublime to ridiculousness there is only one step."
"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."
"If I had to choose a religion, the sun as the universal giver of life would be my god."
--Napoleon
"Those that know, do. Those that understand, teach."
"To love someone is to identify with them."
"He who cannot be a good follower cannot be a good leader."
"No great genius has ever existed without some touch of madness."
--Aristotle
"Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them."
--Kevin Costner in "Tin Cup"
"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."
"Better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt."
"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most."
"Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it."
"Truth is more of a stranger than fiction."
"Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times."
"What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin."
"Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of congress. But I repeat myself."
"It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog."
"What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light."
"Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry."
--Mark Twain
"Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much."
"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all."
--Oscar Wilde
"The greatest mistake you can make is to be continually fearing you will make one."
"One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men. No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man."
--Elbert Hubbard
"Optimism: The doctrine, or belief, that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and everything right that is wrong."
"Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder."
"Jealous: Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping."
"Friendship: A ship big enough to carry two in fair weather, but only one in foul."
"Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate."
"Alliance: In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pocket that they cannot separately plunder a third."
"Beauty: The power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband."
--Ambrose Bierce
"We made too many wrong mistakes."
"If the world were perfect, it wouldn't be."
"I usually take a two hour nap from one to four."
"When you come to a fork in the road, take it."
--Yogi Berra
"There is joy in work. There is no happiness except in the realization that we have accomplished something."
"It has been my observation that most people get ahead during the time that others waste."
"An idealist is a person who helps other people to be prosperous."
"When I can't handle events, I let them handle themselves."
--Henry Ford
"Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see."
--Arthur Schopenhauer
"As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live."
--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
"A man who won't die for something is not fit to live."
--Martin Luther King
"If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?"
--Abraham Lincoln
"I do not believe in the creed professed by the Jewish Church, by the Roman Church, by the Greek Church, by the Turkish Church, by the Protestant Church, nor by any church that I know of. My own mind is my own church."
--Thomas Paine
"I wanted to change the world. But I have found that the only thing one can be sure of changing is oneself."
"Happiness is not achieved by the conscious pursuit of happiness; it is generally the by-product of other activities."
"Experience is not what happens to a man; it is what a man does with what happens to him."
"All that happens means something; nothing you do is ever insignificant."
"Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted."
"Maybe this world is another planet's hell."
--Aldous Huxley
"All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them."
--Galileo Galilei
"Home is where I work and I work everywhere."
--Alfred Nobel
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"Shit or get of the pot rockstar."
"Its only cheating if you get caught."
"Titties yeah!"
"Don't do nothing I would do."
"She's mooooo sackin me."
"Nothing beats a hot carl followed by a filthy rameriez then a cleveland steamer, finished off by a ballcuzzi."
--Nick Shirk
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"Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise man to be able to sell it."
--Samuel Butler
"Alcoholism is the only disease that you can get yelled at for having."
"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall."
--Mitch Hedberg
"Never pretend to a love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command."
--Alan Watts
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"Man who lays woman on ground truly gets piece on Earth."
--Brandon Janssen
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"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee."
--Jules
[Ezekiel 25:17]