Scarlett Jewhansson - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I am currently residing in the beautiful and spiritual, Santa Fe, New Mexico. I just moved back here from a brief (8 month) stint living back in Philly with my parents. During this stint, I accomplished mucho! I applied to many jobs and then declined them when I was hired, retained water, sucked my father's pension dry --sorry Daddy! ,and really just made my parents proud on their couch. Who knew On Demand was so fattening...seriously, I gained 20lbs just watching the Real World/ Road Rules Challenge! I'm a strong believer in the power of ones up bringing in making one who one is as an adult. Here's a little tidbit about my background: I grew up outside of Philadelphia, in a gorgeous suburb named, Ye Olde Wyncote. It was there that I spent my glorious childhood picking and sampling honeysuckles, entering and WINNING kite flying contests, swimming breast and back stoke for the local swim teams, drawing horses with colored pencils, participating in little league with my twin and older brother, and dealing with early onset Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). The chaotic nature of IBS shaped me into the impulsive whirlwind I am today. Waking up each morning with the birds chirping and the sun shining and not knowing whether I was going to shit a thick stream of liquid diarrhea down my leg in the school yard, or not be able to poop at all during potty time, was a lot for a 10th grader to deal with. Anyway, who I am now is a loud and obnoxious woman, with a new (or old...I'm not gonna lie, I'm a total recycler) story waiting at the tip of my tongue to be belted out during a movie/ favorite television program/ graduation ceremony. I've been called abrasive, crude, rude, annoying, fuck you cunt bag you disappoint everyone around you, and zany. But really underneath it all I am average in looks. If you don't like me at first, give it time. If in 5 minutes you still haven't succumbed to the Annie Charm, then you my friend, have horrible taste.I use Gold Bond Medicated Powder on my balls.Layout made by .. Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis on FunnyOrDie.com ..

My Interests

blogging. texting. myspacing. My 511 friends. They are real and mean so much to me. I love you guys! And Sword Day in the Lederman household.I'm an avid flosser...seriously, my dentist should start tipping me out. I usually have a container of Glide mint flavored floss with me in my purse or back pocket. I often ask people if they want to bum a strand much like people lend out cigarettes.I once heard on John Tesh radio, that flossing adds 8 years to your life. So, maybe I'll make it to 32. Or at least have a fighting chance. Floss, do it.

I'd like to meet:

The girl who got her feet cut off at sixflags. The man who raped my mom a.k.a my dadddy. This dork at 27 so we can high five like we always used to... And Jonathan Lipnicki

Music:

Prince, Elvis Costello, Timmy-T, Journey, JT, Ryan Adams, Belle and Sebastian and all the other music on my iPod. But I will only go-go dance to one man's special touch...

Movies:

Beaches, Stand and Deliver

Television:

on the internet only.

Books:

are only good on tape.

Heroes:

Santos Montano and Lou Diamond Phillips

My Blog

Global Warming Rap

If I were going to write a rap about global warming it would start something like this: "Al Gore is a bore Buy a Hummer for forever summer..." please add sweet lines and hot beats ...
Posted by Scarlett Jewhansson on Fri, 27 Jun 2008 01:29:00 PST

Letter to my brother on his birthday.**..

**yes I said "twin" and then "his birthday" rather than "our birthday" because we was born 6 minutes apart at midnight, bitches! We had our own birthdays and our own cakes!!! ...
Posted by Scarlett Jewhansson on Sat, 06 Oct 2007 08:50:00 PST

The Adventures of Bi-Curious Buddy and Friends

I was riding Lizzie around on my scooter (a.k.a. Bi-Curious Buddy) when a hipster on his bicycle whizzes by us, surpasses us by a few speed humps, and turns his little side-swiped bang head to shout, ...
Posted by Scarlett Jewhansson on Thu, 26 Jul 2007 10:05:00 PST

My stomach

My stomach: Where semen goes to die.
Posted by Scarlett Jewhansson on Thu, 26 Jul 2007 09:31:00 PST

What I do here in New Mexico...

Since returning to Santa Fe, I have noticed an odd new behavioral pattern. I have pretty much spent the last 3 weeks leaving skid marks on tiolet bowls all around this "City Different" You'd thi...
Posted by Scarlett Jewhansson on Wed, 20 Jun 2007 04:13:00 PST

On choice, how I spend my time, and the tagging of tips: A bulletin turned blog

Dear 451 of my closest friends, I've been thinking about my life and my actions a lot lately. During this contemplation I have come to one pure and honest conclusion. I spend far too much ...
Posted by Scarlett Jewhansson on Sun, 20 May 2007 04:01:00 PST

Love is blind.

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Posted by Scarlett Jewhansson on Thu, 12 Apr 2007 09:47:00 PST

funny humor comedy laughter

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Posted by Scarlett Jewhansson on Tue, 03 Apr 2007 04:20:00 PST

Childbirth...

I just watched a birth on youtube and have come to the decision that childbirth is not beautiful. In fact, it's quite gross. I mean, I understand the beauty in having a kid but just not in the act of ...
Posted by Scarlett Jewhansson on Fri, 23 Mar 2007 11:43:00 PST

Annocchio by Geppetto

It has recently come to my attention that my heart was made in Geppetto's workshop. It cannot do the things that real hearts can do, like feel and care, for it is made only of wood. And this is also w...
Posted by Scarlett Jewhansson on Tue, 06 Feb 2007 05:31:00 PST