"You're only on the internet right now because Mia Albatross got really bored one day and invented it (using only a broken Nintendo controller and a curling iron)."
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"Whenever Madonna wants to do something controversial, she runs it by Mia Albatross first."
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"Mia Albatross made Heidi Klum cry one time and consider changing her name to Mia Klumatross just so she could be as cool as Mia."
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"Mia Albatross saved me from sharks. She could have totally been on Baywatch, but Hasselhoff didn't like it that she was prettier than him."
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"If she'd have been on Endor, Ewoks would have worshipped Mia Albatross instead of C3PO."
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"Mel Gibson got nabbed for DUI because he was rushing home to write Mia Albatross a fan letter. (Which she would have just tossed in the file with all the other fan letters)."
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"The only reason the Louvre exists is because Mia Albatross won't send the French an autographed picture. They feel they need to be snooty and overcompensate because of this."
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"The reason they don't sell New Coke anymore is because Mia Albatross thought it tasted like shit and nobody drank it."
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"Miami's south beach was at one time a deserted stretch of land that contained a Long John Silvers and a T-shirt hut until Mia Albatross stumbled onto it one day and all the cool, trendy people followed her there."Mia Albatross brokered the peace agreement between upper Tangier and lower Tangier. Blindfolded and on her cell ordering new drapes at the same time.Mia Albatross created the lip gloss color known as Burnt Crimson Dynanimous. She also created 'Tangerine Sunrise' but discarded it because it made lips look too bitchy.Britney shaved her head because Mia Albatross told her bald was going to be in this spring. That is also Mia Albatross's umbrella.Mia Albatross created the sailboat, the salad shooter, the Cosmopolitan, and laser eye surgery.Mia Albatross is actually the Queen of South Dakota.Mia Albatross won an oscar for The Sound of Music and she wasn't even born yet, or in the movie.'Mia Albatross' were Lincoln's last words.
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"So there you have it! For those of you who don't know, Mia Albatross is totally tall, hot, beautiful, witty, fun, engaging, smart, metaphysically potent, talented, a great dancer, a marathon runner, an astronaut (well, technically a 'cosmonaut'), princess of all the unicorn faeries, one time ambassador to Upper Mongolia (not Lower Mongolia, Upper!), a fashion model who once forced an entire pie down Kate Moss - during a runway show!, the inspiration for Barbie, She-Ra and all the chicks in Legoland, an international shoe buyer for a major (and I mean MAJOR) department store, stand-in for Marilyn Monroe (yeah, she went back in time and did that), the inventor of Velcro, Liquid Paper and the modern television remote control. She has personally bitch slapped Lohan, Spears and Simpson (all at once, just like the 3 Stooges) and is currently considering either a Presidential run or taking Ecuador by coup d'état.Put that in your pipe and smoke it." - Jesse James..
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