kôechiap profile picture

kôechiap

it's not about the condiment.

About Me

Designed by Doctor Noonien Soong, Lieutenant Commander Ketchup is an android who serves as the first officer and chief operations officer aboard the starship Flagrante Delicto. He is a sentient artificial lifeform designed to resemble a human. His positronic brain allows him impressive computational capabilities and the ability to perform most human activities. However, he has ongoing difficulties understanding various aspects of human behavior and is unable to feel emotions.Weighing 100 kilograms, Ketchup is composed of 24.6 kg of tripolymer composites, 11.8 kg of molybdenum–cobalt alloys, and 1.3 kg of bioplast sheeting. Ketchup's upper spinal support is a polyalloy designed for extreme stress; his skull is composed of cortenide and duranium. Ketchup was built with an ultimate storage capacity of 800 quadrillion bits (approximately 88.8 petabytes or 93 million gigabytes). At the onset, Ketchup was constructed with a total linear computational speed rated at 60 trillion operations per second (TFLOPS). However, through bidirectional sequencing (which compensates for signal degradation) and conversion of his main interlink sequencer to asynchronous operation, Ketchup's computational speed was later no longer limited by the physical separation of his positronic links and, thus, became effectively unlimited.Ketchup's storage capacity is at least 17 times that of Google circa 2005.

My Interests

EATING SAND, pirates, ninjas, robots, secret agents, new socks, and Coulrophilia.

I'd like to meet:

Texas Pete.

Music:

R&B(Robot Balance).

Movies:

forbidden zone.

Television:

the life and times of commander ketchup.

Books:

evasion, jhonen vasquez, philip k. dick

Heroes:

EL-P, Harvey Pekar, Danny goddamn Elfman, Erik fucking Sanko.

My Blog

I HAS A GIRLFRIEND!

JANESSA AND I HAD SEX AND NOW WE ARE IN LOVE! you stay classy san diego.
Posted by kôechiap on Mon, 21 Jul 2008 12:19:00 PST

Animal Husbandry

you look ravishing darlingwelcome to hollywoodwe got politics, heretics, hypocritesand we'll love you as long as you're tumbling downso pray for the sun to never come out againthis is for your safetys...
Posted by kôechiap on Sat, 14 Jun 2008 07:00:00 PST

the ballad of benicio del guano

everything is turning blueoh my friend, what should i do?im sucking sand from a silver spoonit doesn't taste so sweet...it's eating me aliveit's eating me awayjust eat me awaysecrecy ain't freefrom yo...
Posted by kôechiap on Thu, 12 Jun 2008 01:07:00 PST

dream.

last night i had a dream that me and a couple friends crashed a swanky, high security dinner party. we snuck in, only to realize this was no ordinary place... this party was exclusive to people with p...
Posted by kôechiap on Thu, 15 May 2008 04:16:00 PST

yes, that’s a banana in my pocket.

im getting fat. my hair is long and gross. im growing a beard. im ugly. im forgetting how to play an instrument. im socially inept. im an alcoholic. i care deeply for friends that don't.....i have a h...
Posted by kôechiap on Wed, 14 May 2008 03:55:00 PST

_

i find myself defending one "ex-girlfriend" to another "ex-girlfriend". irony! i put those words in quotation marks because when it really comes down to it, i hate to give these people the title "ex-g...
Posted by kôechiap on Wed, 16 Apr 2008 03:12:00 PST

personality bullshit.

You Are An ENFPThe InspirerYou love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends.You are also unconventional, irreverent, and unimpressed by authority and rules.Incredibly percept...
Posted by kôechiap on Tue, 26 Feb 2008 12:46:00 PST

a peek into MY head.

im in one of those totally awkward phases of life where ive been so out of touch socially that i can't communicate good. like, for example, someone might say "it's cold in chicago right now", and i re...
Posted by kôechiap on Fri, 15 Feb 2008 02:13:00 PST

amazing new blog!

i quit smoking. day 11. im getting fatter and i look like bigfoot's retarded cousin. i believe this is why i can't find a job. bout it bout it.
Posted by kôechiap on Fri, 11 Jan 2008 03:54:00 PST

extremely important reading material!

i know i look like a hobo, ok? but i'll tell you one thing, i make hobos look gooooooood. i look around and im like "who's gonna braid my yid-locks?" and i hope it's going to be YOU! or one of your fr...
Posted by kôechiap on Thu, 29 Mar 2007 04:25:00 PST