Ziado

I am beside thee. Neither am I in rites and ceremonies, nor in Yoga and renunciation. If thou art a true seeker, thou shalt at once see Me: thou shalt meet Me in a moment of time. I got my layout design from LastWeekend.com!LastWeekend.com - FREE Layouts! Daaaar dah dahdah daaaar dahdndahndah, daaar dahndah daaar dah, daaar dah. I was playing air guitar and shouting that after I came up with today’s column heading. If you hadn’t guessed already, those are (my interpretation of) the opening bars to Dire Straits’ ‘Money for nothing’ off the Brothers in Arms album. Classic I tell ya. Okay, well, ahem. Back to the writing of the column then. But it does lead me in to the phenomenon of groupies. The song laments the fact that these rockers get legions of willing females to engage in all manner of depraved activities and all with no strings attached. Money for nothing and your chicks for free. “Look at them yo-yos”, “Banging on the bongos like a chimpanzee”, “Little faggot with the earring and the makeup”. Exactly… how the hell do they do it? Those poncy poodle rockers with makeup and perms had women creaming their seats, whilst us lowly normal guys had to beg and plead for a fondle, let alone 10-in-the-bed drug-fuelled romps. The groupie is a special creature. Whereas you might have to fork out large amounts of moulah to an attractive prostitute to fulfill your sexual fantasies, and even then she scolds “But I don’t do greek”, with a groupie you just say: “Bend over and let me hit that ass like a high-hat!” and she obliges willingly and even gratefully. There is not a man amongst us that would deny that the idea of a groupie is not entirely a kak one. Yeah, yeah, pelt me with tampons, but I’m just being honest. Men have come a long way since our cavemen days. Do I hear a collective “Pfffft!” from the female readers? In those days our trusty club would secure us a mating partner with a soft thud on her cranium and that’s just the way it was. Why I say we have evolved is that men actually derive an enormous amount of pleasure out of the fact that the woman actually wants to sleep with us. Not just that, but she is willing and takes pleasure in the activity herself. That is what turns us evolved men on.Now groupies give men all of that and more. They are certainly willing. They will do anything your testosterone-crazed brain wants to do. They will even boast about it afterwards, even if you were the worst shag of her life. The groupie relationship works for men, because it strokes our fragile egos. Perhaps, in a world that is actually run by women, we get that little taste of what it was like to have the power…. Way back when.Chicks for free. That’s an interesting line right there. It implies that chicks are not free… and they aren’t. Engaging in a sexual relationship with a woman costs. Before you bust an ovary, hear me out. I’m not talking cash here, although that is one way to do it. What I’m talking about is a reciprocal arrangement. It costs time, effort, emotion, caring, and love. If a man is not willing or able to put that in, then he won’t get much out. I’m not saying that men invest for sex… er… but suddenly that there looks like it could have some truth in it. I don’t know, go and blaze a blunt with an anthropology student and get back to me after you talk that through.What the hell am I getting at? Sorry, I don’t plan this shyte before it comes out I kinda just go with the bowl-splattering flow. Spontaneous prose is what Jack Kerouac liked to call it, but now I’ve just gone and befuddled you even more. Let’s get this straight: Groupies offer men a purely physical form of no strings attached sex that meets their immediate sexual needs and fantasies. Is it a healthy relationship? Well sexually, for the guy, yes. For the girl, I’d hazard to guess no, but she perceives that she is getting something out of it that is worth the sex. Is it a meaningful relationship? A resounding No. It all boils down to the whole alpha-male thing really. These girls simply perceive these dudes as being alpha-males, which means they wanna bonk them stukkend, because alpha-males can supply a better start for their off-spring. Although Jack and Kelly Osbourne are certainly proponents for a counter argument.So we haven’t come far then have we? At the end of the day it is just: “banging on the bongos like a chimpanzee”. Groupies. And why are they the bane of all existence? Well let’s take this from the perspective of logic (something you can’t go wrong with ever!): DJs/ Rock stars = music Music = the new religion Religion = the opiate of the masses (Karl Marx) The masses = groupies Groupies = opium induced blood sucking leachesSee, reason never fails! I could leave it there, but that would be no fun at all… so I’ll add justification to reason for good measure (and yes, surprisingly I am a woman who can reason and justify – surprise, surprise). I hate groupies, coz they suck, I mean literally. They are at the bottom rung of club society, hovering near the ground looking for titbits to suckle on… I mean it’s filth pretty much. They are the blood sucking leaches, prostituting homegirls with nothing better to do…and possibly the worst thing is that they do not understand the music!(Insert muscle flex) … While everyone is getting high on either the music or the drugs or both, these chicks are getting their grimy little blood suck mouths closer to the pulsating phallus of the DJ’s hand on the mixing desk, rock stars fingers on the guitar strings. They are poisoning the true love and respect that real aficionado’s (that means fans) have for the music that is being produced. This makes me hate them more than my fuck buddies inflatable beer bottle.And they are seriously depleting the status of well versed female music lovers, making us look like dumb ass fuck machines who know nothing about fours and eights, PA systems and monitors. Their sheep mentality makes them nothing more than blind followers of a faith they don’t understand – while this is not uncommon, see America and followers of the Catholic Church – it still pisses on the real music lover’s parade. I’ve got to admit though that these blood-music-sucking beast leaches are at least intelligent enough to pretend: they pretend to know all the songs and just LUURVV the music to death. They pretend the quasi (no pun intended) musso freak is hot, coz they can drink on his tab and say they went home with the band. They pretend to be fans, and pass off as DJ/ band doormats for the town they are in that day… ouch, the truth can be a bitter pill – but not as bitter as the many morning after pills the leaches have to take :0They are often the bane of the music star’s girlfriend/ boyfriend and just general friends lives, and reserve the right to intrude at any point to “just say HIGH and thanks for the awesome gig, you were great”, at the very point that you are having and deep and meaningful conversation with someone you actually know!So, some of the dudes fall for it. Groupies come with the territory one may say. Sure, cool man. Have your cake and eat it – enjoy the ride. Appreciation for real fans comes in small measure, ja, and lets admit too that the groupie phenomenon can all go very psycho on you if you let it. I mean musso’s are in the realm of the priesthood, making religion and all, of course you are going to get followers – blind and faithful.After all we all know the penchant some priests have for screwing their altarboy groupies. It goes without say then that some followers are just there for the free sherry (aka the blood of Christ) and communion. Others are there to make the spiritual connection.Either way, Marx had something going on with “Religion is the opiate of the masses”. And I still hate the blood sucking leaches.