Dougal Robert Davidson Reid

About Me

Hi there! I'm in my mid twenties and am not as interesting as I used to be. I think the most interesting thing that ever happened to me was when I had a dream in which I became a woman and had sex with myself as a man and woke up having a female orgasm. Although this was a dream so I don't know if I can count that as me being interesting....I also once had a dream where I was about to get raped but they ended up just licking my nipple instead...... I was in a Busted tribute band called "It don't work" (the k on work was backwards) but split them up to form a new group to encourage literacy amongst children. This group was called the "Phrazin' Squad", I was in a dillemma whether to spell it Phrasing to promote proper use of grammar, or Phrazin' to show the sort of artistic licence language allows. I was DJ D:Note, there was an MC Meta4 (4 always spelled numerically) and we were briefly joined by an Ally Teration. We planned to tour schools and shopping centres nationwide but did not get the government funding we required to achieve our plans and so disbanded. I like to think of myself as a misanthropist but I get on with people too well to justify this. Despite my cynicism I enjoy happy endings and feel cheated if I dedicate a lot of time to something only to find out that things don't work out alright in the end. I have two lovely cats. One is very small. The other one is not so small but has a tiny head. The tiny head cat also looks pregnant, but she is lying. During the hot snap in which I am writing this I have noticed that I sweat more from my neck than any other place..... I recently shaved my head which makes me look like a strange Sinead O'Connor/Demi Moore hybrid Hair having grown back I am now interested in two things. Finding out who killed Bob Woolmer and finding someone who can help me make a rave version of the theme tune to Poirot. CLICK THIS LINK BELOW!!! HELP US OUT! MyGen Profile Generator

My Interests

Schadenfreude, telling people that Colin Hendry has just been appointed as their manager, doctoring photos so it (vaguely) looks like John Fashanu is in them, hanging around in places where I am either unwelcome or unwanted, pretending I do things which I don't actually do, drawing on myself.
Multiple Choice:
Poo or Wee? Poo!!! Wee is shit!
Earth, Fire, Wind, Water or Heart? Water
Cat or Dog? Caaaaat
Patball or Squash? Patball
AIDS or Cancer? Good AIDS or bad AIDS?
Sportsperson, Actor or Musician? Sportsperson
Scissors, Paper or Stone? Scissors!
Sweet or Savoury? Savoury
Fruit Salad or Blackjack? Blackjack
Word Association:
Cupboard Nigel
Grass Green
Treasure Chest
Tom Powell Innocent
Train Late
Cup Mmug!
Food Yum yum
Duck Where?
Boo! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Favourite:
Rhyming Slang? Apples and pears (Flares)
Thing Made of Wood? A stick!
Piece of Cutlery? A fork
Onomatopoeia? Vrooooooom
Wrestling Move? Armbar
Ex Wimbledon Striker and Gladiators Presenter? John "Fash" Fashanu
Item of Clothing? Hat
Crisps? Hmmmm, tough one. Maybe Roast Beef and Mustard Brannigans
Pub Game? Until recently I would have said darts, but now I would have to say stand up if you're a gaylord

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I'd like to meet:

People who don't stereotype themselves by morphing themselves into the latest trend or incarnation of celebrity culture. Usually done in the form of wanky musicians. As Pat Bateman says "Because I want to fit in" Someone who can help me make a rave version of the theme tune to Poirot.Also the man in the video below (I love the intimidating the non-existant batsman aggression after about 21 seconds).. width="425" height="350" ..

adopt your own virtual pet!Lord Barky is great. Put one of his treats in the top corner and then quickly put one in the other top corner. Repeat this for hilarious results... width="425" height="350" ..

Music:

The Smiths, Stone Roses, Mansun, Joy Division, Manics (pre disappearance), The Cure, New Order, Suede, PJ Harvey, Magazine, The Clash, Buzzcocks, Bjork, McAlmont and Butler, Depeche Mode, The Pogues, Billy Bragg, Carter USM, Radiohead, Happy Mondays, The Kinks, Rolling Stones, Motorhead, Faith No More, Velvet Underground, Placebo, Thin Lizzy, Tomahawk, Tricky, Massive Attack, Aphex Twin, Prodigy, Sam Cooke, Marvin Gaye, James Brown, The Isley Brothers, Otis Redding, Al Green, Percy Sledge, Lynden David Hall, Barry White, Lionel Richie, The Backstreet Boys, Michael Jackson, Prince, Point Break, S Club 7, Wham!, Elvis Presley, Queen, The Proclaimers, Grandmaster Flash, Public Enemy, Eric B and Rakim, Willie Nelson, Johnny Cash, Kenny Rogers, Tchaikovsky, Bach (JS), Puccini, Vivaldi, (Dave) Beethoven, Strauss, Mozart. I've probably missed a few out but everyone else is carp. .. width="425" height="350" ..

Movies:

Anything with Macauley Culkin in. Except for Richey Rich that was carp. Also I want to see the film "McBain: Let's get silly" (And now here is my Woody Allen impression "I am a neurotic nerd who likes to sleep with little girls.")

adopt your own virtual pet!

Television:

A fan of Chris Morris and a few other comedies. Apart from that I only really watch Neighbours. Being a bit of a pretentious twat I prefer to listen to Radio 4. Oh and the obvious stuff everyone likes like Flog It!, Cash In The Attic, Bargain Hunt, Bootsale Treasure Hunt, Car Booty and on a bad day The Antiques Roadshow and Lovejoy.

Books:

I love books, but I don't read as much as I should. Though I have been improving on this recently. As of the time I write this I am reading "Heart of Darkness" and "Alice in Wonderland". I generally prefer plays to other forms of literature. Wilde, Hemingway, Poe, Easton-Ellis, Eco and Pinter are a sample of my favourite authors. John Donne's For Whom The Bell Tolls is probably the most inspiring piece of literature I've ever read.

Heroes:

I'm not really sure if the term "Hero" is right, I certainly have people I greatly admire like: Gandhi, Karl Kennedy, "Alan" from Modern Toss, (actually the actor who plays Karl Kennedy is called Alan, perhaps Alan is just a great name? I think Gandhi had a son called Alan). I also admire people who stand up in the face of adversity, like Tiananmen Square man.+ Jon Dunn and Darren Xrub..... and Jack Ford, quizmaster of the Auctioneer and Hole Dave and well all of the staff there, but especially Jack and Dave.

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My Blog

My gambling experience

Right, I recently discovered I had $20 in my online poker account. So I played a bit and was doing alright, started playing a bit of blackjack. Doing quite well. I keep winning at this blackjack stuff...
Posted by Dougal Robert Davidson Reid on Sat, 28 Apr 2007 09:10:00 PST

Lyn Scully - The Prosecution

Lyn is a wobbly headed idiot who spawned children so insignificant they can be broken down as follows; Stephanie Scully - a woman whose only personality trait, aside from being quite nice, is that she...
Posted by Dougal Robert Davidson Reid on Mon, 09 Apr 2007 03:07:00 PST

Noel Hate

I'm growing increasingly disturbed by the presence of Noel Edmonds in my life. My hatred for him has eclipsed Lyn Scully proportions. Every time I go to the pub I know he's going to be in there and I'...
Posted by Dougal Robert Davidson Reid on Mon, 15 Jan 2007 04:00:00 PST

Alternative National Anthems

I get the feeling that most countries national anthems have become outdated. In keeping with the times I think all countries should change their anthems to something more modern. I have written a list...
Posted by Dougal Robert Davidson Reid on Tue, 10 Oct 2006 04:50:00 PST

Ideas for TV shows. Some new takes on old shows, some new ideas

Idea for new TV programme called "Beale or No Beale" in which contestants pick boxes at random that may or may not contain members of Eastenders Beale family. After a certain number of boxes are opene...
Posted by Dougal Robert Davidson Reid on Sat, 23 Sep 2006 04:14:00 PST

Baguette Javelin

You may have heard, and I can confirm it to be true, that I have now broken the world record for the baguette javelin after I launched one over Deptford Bridge in the early hours of this morning. As I...
Posted by Dougal Robert Davidson Reid on Fri, 15 Sep 2006 02:19:00 PST

World of Fash

This is a show in which member s of the public audition to see who is most like John "Fash" Fashanu When Fash was back in time he beat up Biff and shagged Marty McFly's mum. You know that bit in ...
Posted by Dougal Robert Davidson Reid on Sun, 30 Jul 2006 07:35:00 PST