The Sueb - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I am afraid of squirrels. I think they are evil little creatures that are just waiting to attack and torture me. I am fairly certain that one day a gang of them will charge me, run up my leg and claw my eyes out, squirrel-laughing the whole time. Spring sucks because the squirrels are all out of hibernation and they are frisky. They are frisky and they are watching me. The next time you get up early and make your way outside, just look around. Those damn squirrels are everywhere. Sitting on dumpsters, flicking their whispy little tails. Stopping mid-way down telephone poles and tilting their evil little heads, like they are deliberating if now is the time to attack. Sometimes they look right into your eyes and take a few steps toward you. Don't even try to deny it, those two tiny little squirrel-steps strike fear in even the burliest of manly-men.

My Interests

Popin & Lockin, Yo-yos, local music, Graceland, Guinness & Whiskey (a lady's drink), race cars & cock rock, yellow mustard, cracker-tots, classic bubble gum, making t-shirts with random quotes on them, puddle jumping, playing log-lady vs. log-man, fritos and fountain sodas on the front yard, sunburned bass players and avoiding the Lord Of The Rings trilogy at all costs.

I'd like to meet:

Someone with a never-ending supply of green Trident gum. Hot damn is that shit good. Don't try and fool me with other brands, I know better.

Music:

The Girls Just Want To Have Fun soundtrack. Over and over. And over.

Movies:

Billy Madison, Zoolander, Amelie, Bowling for Columbine, Igby Goes Down, Run Lola Run, Pecker, Anything from Kevin Smith (except Vulgar, I still need a shower on the inside), Pee-Wee's Big Adventure, so many more... god can't think, brain freezing. Fuckit.

Television:

I still don't have cable. However, my sweet, dear, evil boyfriend does. I am now addicted to stupid television like MTV's "I Want A Famous Face". It's ridiculous since I'm too chicken to watch half of it and just end up hiding my eyes and squealing.

Books:

I bought someone a Rush DVD for Christmas at Best Buy. The damn pimply 17-year old at the counter asked if I'd like a "free" subscription to Entertainment Weekly. I agreed and paid for the DVD with my damn check card. Ever since I've been getting these damn magazines and getting charged each damn month for a damn magazine that I don't want to read. I've tried cancelling my damn subscription 3 times and even had my damn check card cancelled. Just when I think I'll never have to see another damn Entertainment Weekly again in my life, one will show up in my damn mailbox. Because I'm getting charged for the damn things and it's such a holy-damn waste of paper, I'm forced to read the damn thing from cover to damn cover out of guilt. I'm convinced that the Devil is the editor of Entertainment Weekly and a gang of journalist squirrels back him up. I'm never buying a damn Rush DVD again.

Heroes:

Hooker-T, because life is lived in moments and she doesn't forget that. Paw, cause she puts up with my shit and tells me what to do when my head and my heart fight about what is right. Crane, cause he's SO FUNNY. SO DAMN FUNNY, gives good fashion advice and tells me I'm hot when I feel like a not. The crows that tried to hunt and kill a squirrel outside of my window at work the other day. I was very proud.

My Blog

Seriously

No lie, I have the best derby team ever. I'm coming back from an awesome practice and birthday celebration for co-captian Barbie Brawl. I couldnt' be happier with my fellow Dolls right now. You girls ...
Posted by The Sueb on Fri, 27 Jan 2006 01:59:00 PST

when an open elevator shaft isn't available

Some people are like Slinkies ... Not really good for anything, But they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.
Posted by The Sueb on Wed, 28 Sep 2005 02:58:00 PST

soundtrack of my life

there was an old lady who swallowed a fly. I dunno why she swallwed that fly, perhaps she'll die. yeah, what fucking luck do I have? my life is the little old lady song. it's a never-ending circle ...
Posted by The Sueb on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

I'm not sure this counts as a pony...

but this is the best birthday present ever. ever-ever. evvver. Matt is a fucking comedic genius. I think I may have just wet myself. Yep, sure did. http://www.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=bl...
Posted by The Sueb on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Funny? Not so much.

But this is the most beautiful song I've ever heard. Hal Scanlon is a god. (Ok, Jeff is too.) Everyone should track down Hal Scanlon, Volume 1 and love it as much as I do. Do it. I dare you. Go Ahe...
Posted by The Sueb on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

The Paw, Paranoia and Crazy Joe P.

I have some fabulous really-real world friends. You guys already know about Hooker-T. And even though she's a dirty detox-whore, she still makes me vegan Boca burgers when I'm too lazy to cook and mak...
Posted by The Sueb on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Hooker-Bitch-Detox-Whore-ah...

So you all know about my magnificent time with the detox. My hooker-bitch friend? Well let me just tell you what happened to her. Let me set the scene.... Monday morning, 9:45am. I'm at work, my...
Posted by The Sueb on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

One girls journey through detox hell. You think you know, but you have no idea.

So for the few people out there that havent had the joy of listening to me whine, complain, bitch and cry for the past 9 days, heres the scoop. I got suckered into doing this detox thing with one of...
Posted by The Sueb on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Yet another reason why I'm always getting into so much trouble..

http://www.villainsupply.com/ henchperson uniforms (let's be politically correct people) secret lairs random evil vague panic-provoking communicable diseases make a deal with satan and my pe...
Posted by The Sueb on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

listen...

if someone could make it stop raining, i'd really appreciate it. Ok, thanks then.
Posted by The Sueb on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST