Here is some random facts about me:
I love Raymond, but I'm not sure I'm IN love with Raymond
When I eat salsa that isn't Pace, I angrily lament "New York City??!"
If I had a Chinese restaurant, I'd call it "Put my wok in your mouth"
I tried to get krunk one time, but I think I threw my back out
I can't eat a single meal without getting something on my shirt.
I invented an experimental procedure called deblackification. It will
cure you off your gigantic ass, but side effects include the ability to
square dance and an uncontrollable urge to drink martinis.
I've never put baby in the corner.
Sometimes I'll be watching the Price is Right and am so engrossed in my
work, that when it ends, I'll accidently have a soap opera on for 45
minutes before I realize it - then I vomit.
I own the full series of novelizations from Welcome Back Kotter
I beleive the four most beautiful words in the english language are All
You Can Eat.
I think the worst feeling in the world is getting rejected at an orgy
Sometimes I switch my friends' lightbulbs with a green tinted one, to
convince them they have the gobloots
I go into Indian casinos and ask all the dealers "tatanka?", with my
fingers pointed up on my head to imitate the horns of the buffalo.
I'm not racist, unless it's funny.
To save money, when I need something demolished for my house remodel, I
simply ask for some kool-aid.
I am half jewish, but I only retained the negative characteristics and
none of the positive ones (according to Tom).
I have the tv on all day because I like the noise. Silence isn't
golden.
I think the greatest tool ever invented is the spork. But the spife
and knoon are friggin' idiotic.
I believe that crows are plotting something. They are always in huge
groups, just staring down at humans from lightposts, trees, and
whatnot. I don't trust those smug birds and I don't care what anybody
says.
I have a degree from Bovine University.
Everytime I pump gas at the meter, I try to guess exactly when the
meter will stop (i.e. 15.438 gallons). So far. . .no success.
I think Nascar is the most god awful boring "sport" ever. I'd rather
watch curling.
The Benny Hill music makes anything funny. Except punching kittens. Nobody wants to see that.
When I don't have any sunny D around, I'm forced to drink purple stuff.
God, I hate that purple stuff.
I find there's no better way to get out of an uncomfortable situation than
jumping through a glass window.
Bender's (from Futurama) full name is Bender Bending Rodriguez. My full
name is Kevin Jewey Goldbergenstein. It doesn't have the same ring,
does it?
I once ate salmon out of a garbage can while wine tasting.
I always want more cowbells.
Food can never have enough pepper on it. I feel sorry for the guy at the restaurant who asks if I want freshly ground pepper on my dish and has to sit there for ten minutes.
When I watch revenge of the nerds, I root for the frat guys 'cause I love how they angrily yell NEEERRRDDDDDSSSS!!! as they shake their fists in the air. Which, btw, is exactly what I do whenever I see a nerd in real life.
