Mr.Universe 1983

"Eulogy To Go" For a fee I compose and recite eulogies for those poor souls for whom no-one else is willing or able.Hey, it's a living. I am an aries which are known for having ingrown toenails and bad breath.We are also notorious for being bad in bed- but we are respected for our ability to eavesdrop.Although I have never stolen anything- believe me, I am truly a thief at heart.It is cowardice alone that keeps me honest.I admit with shame that I have never danced the night away.Once however,I did throw my hands way up in the air,yet I could not bring myself to wave them all around like I just didn't care-I did care,they're my hands!The lowest point in my life was during my teenage years when I tried to commit suicide by stoning.Trust me not only is this impossible but you will feel silly.Currently I am working to establish the first obese theater company.Also I am considering the marketability of an orchestra and chamber music group comprised entirely of illegal aliens.In an attempt to bring great music to the masses I am working to produce the Monster Truck version of Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake.Beauty meets brute force! I believe religious fundamentalist violence and devastation could be lessened if we could contain it in an organized fashion ,perhaps a professional league!I do not eat meat and this makes me very angry.I would however be the first to eat a human but only under the most dire circumstances and never fried...