Your mom! When I'm not studying your mom's fine sweet ass, I like to spank it. I mean... You're mom's ass. I like to spank your mom's ass. Not, spank it as in masturbation. Pervs. I like music, comedy, movies, swimming pools, your mom, sports, your sisters, and making people laugh.
You Should Be a Joke Writer
You're totally hilarious, and you can find the humor in any situation.
Whether you're spouting off zingers, comebacks, or jokes about life...
You usually can keep a crowd laughing, and you have plenty of material.
You have the makings of a great comedian - or comedic writer.
What Type of Writer Should You Be?
I'd like to meet:
Someone who will give me loads of money to do things I love. Like banging chicks and stuff. Doing comedy. Maybe venturing into films. Action movies, and I would do my own stunts. (not many actors can do that) When I say action movies, I mean pornos. Fucking right doggies.
Get Your Own! | View Slideshow
Music:
It depends on my mood. I listen to almost everything. I hate country music. Everything about it. I don't have a mullet. Sorry Billy Ray. I don't drive a pick up truck. As much as I would love to have a dog, I don't have one. I don't got a women to steal my truck and run over my dog and steal my nascar tickets, but I guess I wish I did. I have all of my teef. I'm not attrated to my family. Although I am mentally challenged. I don't wear cut off jean shorts. You can't find me on "Treasure Hunters" on tv. My relatives didn't strike it rich with oil. I don't live in Kentucky or Tennesee. I've never eaten possum or sewer rat. I know that personal hygiene isn't just a big word. Although I look good in anything, I don't wear all white...which includes a big white pointy hat. I didn't vote for George Bush. Either of them. Nascar...I won't even comment on it. That's just a little taste of country that I don't give a shit about.
Movies:
I have so many. But I mainly focus on good movies. Most of the time. My favorite genre by far is comedy. I enjoy actors such as Jack Black, Adam Sandler, Chris Farley, Vince Vaughn, Will Ferrel, Wayne Brady, Ben Stiller, Mike Myers, Robert De Niro, Robin Williams, and Steve Buscemi. That is just a small collection of actors I really like.
I enjoy a good Musical from time to time. West Side Story is a classic. Guys and Dolls is another great choice. Anything with Song and Dance. Robin Hood: Men in Tights. That might be a little stretch....but a good flick.
I like psychological thrillers. They are the closest I get to scary movies. Scary Movies scare me.....Plus, I think they suck......anyway. I like my head being messed with. I believe this genre of film is becoming more popular. Memento is a wonderful film. I liked Butterfly Effect. Donny Darko. Just to name some.
I am willing to watch any movie. Go ahead....ask me....I've probably seen it. Or know someone who has.
Television:
Zach and I were sick of having HBO because it played the same crappy movies. It was about 2-3 am and we got the great idea to call comcast to switch over to skin-i-max. It was an ingeniuos idea. That was...until the bitch worker asked us for our last four digits of our social security #. Our comcast account was under Dawson's name. Needless to say, Dawson is unwilling to help us out. But we did not give up at that point. Zach called them back. Attempting to get the channels switched over. He inquired about programming on Cinemax. Then he told the lady that he really wanted to get it for skinimax. He then continued on the convo by inquiring about the Spice Channel. How long does it run. During the downtimes, what can he get to replace the Spice channel. These are real buyer questions. All was going good, until they wanted dawson's damn 4 digits of his social. shot down. But no worries, this time... I took the helm and called back. The ultimate goal was the same, but I took a different route to try and get there. I told the lady that I had two problems. First was my premium channel that was not so premium. I wanted to switch over to skinimax. Again, the damn four digits that makes up dawson's social. I then tried to change the subject and told her the reason I really needed skinimax. I informed her that I had a bad case of blue balls. I told her my doctor perscribed this for me (softcore porn). She played along for a little while until I asked for her professional medical oppionion. I told her that I needed to get it tonight. Heavily implying that well... When I heard the disconnect noise, I knew I had been defeated. We realized that we were outnumbered and had to retreat. So needless to say, I don't watch much tv. I play vids way to much to even have a chance to watch tv. But if I want to watch something, it'll probably be "4400."
Books:
Books are boring. Unless... do magazines count? Then I like Playboy, Hustler, Big Booty Bitches, Shemales, Ebony Elite, Midget Mania, Backdoor babes, DVDA, Cleveland Steamer, Under 18, Over 80. That's about it for magazines. Oh... and I almost forgot... the good book. The bible!
Heroes:
.. width="425" height="350" ..I will put my body on the line for a laugh. P.S. Don't try this at home. I am a professional. My comedic timing is impeccable. Notice, I gasp after I have clearly fallen. I know...amazing. thank you.. width="425" height="350" ..
This is the reason why I love kids. You never know what they are going to say. Plus, who said children shouldn't watch Rated R movies. It gives them a taste of the real world... width="425" height="350" ..
I'm going to be turning 24 within a month. I need to start thinking of this stuff. Insurance and stuff like that.
