Boys, XBOX 360, guitar hero, guns, jogging, reading, movies, music, television, my car, my friends, making new friends, punching rude people, punching annoying people, making myself laugh by making your life miserable. =)
Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. • There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live. • Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris. • Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. • Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head. • Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush. • Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, he decides what time it is. • Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship • Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. • Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them. • When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. • Jawbreakers were originally in the shape of Chuck Norris' fist. • Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter". • The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. • Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants. • Chuck Norris has counted to infinity - twice. • Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Chuck Norris. • It is not possible to be raped by Chuck Norris because that would mean you did not want it to happen. • Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for the same thing. • Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from Uno. • If you ever see Chuck Norris crying he will grant you a wish, if your wish is dying. • Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop. • Chuck Norris crossed the road. Nobody has ever dared question his motives. • Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club. • When driving in his SUV, Chuck Norris always swerves out of the way if a squirrel is in the road. Not because he finds their antics amusing, but because it gives him a chance to run over pedestrians. • Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris • Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him. • Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now ‘The Islands’. • The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris. • Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants. • Most men are okay with their wives fantasizing about Chuck Norris during sex, because often they are doing the same thing. • Chuck Norris clogs the toilet with his urine. • Chuck Norris can speak Braille. • Jeeves asks Chuck Norris. • Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress. • Chuck Norris refers to himself in fourth person. • Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break Chuck Norris open you would find another Chuck Norris inside, only smaller and more angry. • Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd because nobody fools Chuck Norris. • Chuck Norris is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Norris claims "6 Feet of Fun" was originally the trademark for his penis. • At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris • Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas. • Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them. • Although Chuck Norris does not know where you live, he does knows where you will die. • Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse, horses are hung like Chuck Norris • If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's fucking beef. • Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know when Chuck Norris is going to kill you. • Chuck Norris' cowboy boots are made from real cowboys. • Geico saved 15% by switching to Chuck Norris. • In order to survive a nuclear attack, you must remember to stop, drop, and be Chuck Norris. • Chuck Norris once went on Celebrity Jeopardy and answered, "Who is Chuck Norris?" to every question. It was the first and only time in Jeopardy history that a contestant answered every single question right. • A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there. • Chuck Norris divides by zero. • Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Bruce Lee, breaking him in half. The result was Jet Li and Jackie Chan. • The phrase "Made by Chuck Norris" is imprinted beneath the surface of China. • If at first you don't succeed, you are not Chuck Norris. • Jesus wears a bracelet that reads, "WWCND?" • The most effective form of suicide known to man is to type "Chuck Norris" into Google and hit "I'm Feeling Lucky!". • Switzerland isn't really neutral. They just haven't figured out what side Chuck Norris is on yet. • When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live. • Chuck Norris has banned rainbows in the state of South Dakota. • Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. • Chuck Norris got in touch with his feminine side, and promptly got her pregnant. • Objects in Chuck Norris's rear-view mirror appear at their correct distances. • When Chuck Norris answers the phone, he just says "Go". This is not permission for you to begin speaking, it is your cue to start running for your life. • Chuck Norris' sperm has once penetrated 13 condoms, the birth control pill, a brick wall, and the 1975 Pittsburgh Steelers offensive line in order to impregnate a woman. • Chuck Norris always gets blackjack. Even when he's playing poker. • Little kids enjoy lighting ants on fire with magnifying glasses. Chuck Norris enjoys lighting little kids on fire with ants. Scientists remain baffled. • If you introduce your mother to Chuck Norris, she'll introduce you to your biological father. • Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now." • Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have never gone on record as lasting any less than 15 days. • Chuck Norris doesn't have a bank account. He just tells the bank how much he needs. • Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids. • Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a guy in the face so hard that his leg broke the speed of light and went back in time, accidentally killing Amelia Airheart over the Pacific Ocean.
rock, rap, some country, well, just about everything
Kick ass movie: Fight club
Kick ass song: Pixies - Where is my mind?
comedies! any adam sandler movie, any kevin smith movie, super troopers, monty python and the holy grail... but then there are the cop movies... S.W.A.T., again with the super troopers, minority report, TEAM AMERICA,... i hate emotional, sappy, "chick-flicks", i guess the only reason that would be is because i fuckin hate crying! .."425" height="350".. .. EQUILIBRIUM
anything funny! family guy, simpsons, futurama, aqua teen hunger force, south park. comedy central is my absolute favorite channel, and then there's cartoon network, i love cartoons! but i also like american chopper, that show is hillarious and spectacular. i also love cop series like law & order, CSI, etc.
jonathan kellerman's flesh and blood, stephen king's dreamcatcher, dean koontz's watchers, michael crichton's timeline, george orwell's 1984, orson scott card's ender's game, and all the books in the harry potter series! oh and some of my school text books...
my dear friend lisa hoselton... for always being prettier than me and keeping me humble... my dear friend sean stream... for bein so protective of me... my dear friend jason camara... for the pearls of wisdom he so dubiously shared with me... my mom... because she buys me food... my dad... because he buys me cars... =)