About Me
I'm not sure how you found my page, but I must tell all my fans once and for all ... "I'm not the guy in the Pamala Lee video!" Many people confuse me with that other guy especially women but please believe me, I AM NOT THAT GUY!To avoid any further misunderstanding about myself and my accomplishments, I have outlined a few below...I'm a dynamic figure and have been known to rip apart 2 phone books at a time. I beat Patrick Ewing in a match of tennis just off the French Riviera once on a hot moisty day. I rewind all my DVD's before returning them, I compose the illest mixtapes, write award-winning operas and manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I turn water into coca cola, which I can drink a can of in 6 seconds. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike piano playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am known to rock a party till the break of dawn. I'm an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, and was scouted by the Detroit Lions. I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When bored, I leave my body for outerbody experiences. DJs seem to hate on me :). My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. I enjoy urban hang gliding.After doing a show, I repair electrical appliances free of charge. I'm an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. Although a little overweight, I never perspire. I bat .400. and my 3pt % is 490. I eat vinyl for breakfast and sucker djs for dinner. I can hold my breath under water for at least 2 and a half minutes due to the fact I have a lung capacity of 6 liters. Children trust me. I can hurl records and cds at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read War and Peace, Dude where's my country, and Idiots Guide to Hip Hop in one day and still had time to build a dining table from scratch. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed covert operations for the CIA which I cant tell you anything aout or I'd have to kill you. I sleep once a week; when I do : I do it standing. I never wear nuthuggers just good old boxers. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, stab, crab, flare, transform, uzi, rub and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. My great-grandfather invented the questionmark which I'm constantly improving upon. I have the personal cell phone number of Robert Deniro and Isiah Thomas. I breed prizewinning bats. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, sand surfing races in Aruba, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Kurt Cobain. But I never, ever made a film with Pamela Lee.DJ Turne
