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Carl

The Guvnor

About Me


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Okay let's do this. Me ? Two kids and an ex wife - proud of them all. Civilised split - not to the point of holidaying with each other that would be too fucked up and tv crazy. Done too much to list but - as a stream of conciousness - Harrods buyer, managed a band, did one nights stand up and one night singing with a terrible band before I was hit by a bottle on the forehead, copywriter, porn star, bloke who helped ..local businessmen.., blagger, parent. Then tried to do the right things - counselled sexually abused kids, supported rape victims, worked with autists, climbed the ladder to the roof - ran my own charity - only to find the view from the top was not all it was cracked up to be. Writing a play for the BBC. Threw a tantrum, went to the US, imported souvenirs, own business. Time - great. Money less so. Got hitched San Fran. Thinking about what's next !Big picture person. Bitch ! {Over exciteable. Positive. Loyal. Any transgression of loyalty treated rather like the ..Family.. treat squealers.

My Interests

Like raspberry vodka, driving on a hot day, hot days, hot tubs, debate, excitement, risk (except X sports - they're like risks for people who need to be shown what a risk is!), soccer, tennis, currant bread, gambling (a penny won beats a penny earnt), surprise unless a clown's involved, the US (some bits), beer, weimeraners that match my sofa, not knowing what's happening next....

I'd like to meet:

Hmm - Lisa Tarbuck for a pint - or more. What a great woman. She's top of my laminated five that I have total freedom to shag - God I'm sure they are sooo flattered and a bit scared so Lisa, give us a shout. First round's on me. Juliette Lewis.... mmmm. I did consider having just the ladies in the neighbourhood - but a) mostly ..elders.. - luvverly people though b)and what if Lisa Tarbuck, or Halle wandered into the Hollingbury on the rebound... and I'd used in my five - I'd be kicking meselfOther people ? Erm - no politicians, no reality show freaks - I dunno give me suggestions - who SHOULD I meet ? We can have best people of the month award or alternatively whose face shall we fondue ? I'll give out PRIZES if you make a good case for them !

Music:

My Funeral Song ? Today was a Good Day - Ice Cube and I want you all to sing along. ..Yeah, that's you too mum sitting at the back, miming...... The Jam, Skynyrd, BigBang, Tom Waits; Pulp; Mamas and Paps: Stone Roses: Townes van zandt; Cash and country that tells a story that makes you want to fight, drive or cry or all three at once; Springsteen: Old and new brit Pop, Killers; ACDC: NWA: Tupac: Streets: Lloyd Cole: Buzzcocks: Bubba Sparxx: Momus: Bowie : Two tone ska: Eels: Drive by truckers; Vegas Elvis: Green Day: GnR: ELO; Hair musical: Hank Williams: Dre: Ja Rule; The Babys: Morrissey/Smiths; Neil Diamond and Glen Campbell - quality pissed sing along: Pixies; Snoop: Red Hot Chilis; Sparks: Italian neighbourhood opera: Steve Earle: Scott Walker; Sufjan Stevens; Asociates; late Beatles; Magic NUmbers; Pogues; Mid-stones; Petty; Tindersticks; X Ray spex; 80's punk; Born Slippy, dirty music and a million others...

Movies:

Magnolia; Boogie Nights: LA Confidential; Godfather and all it's ilk: Eternal Sunshine: Sin City ; Breakfast Club -glorious tack: American Beauty; Almost famous; Crash; Boyz n the Hood; Mulholland Drive: Mike Leigh and those uncomfortable to watch .. slices of life.. films where not much happens. Jon Salyes and Hal Hartley films. funny films dont work for me but Will Ferrell as Ron Burgundy ? Stay Classy

Television:

Sopranos (hey Tone, you're alright); Dexter; Family Guy; Old 70's BBC Play for Todays; Twin Peaks; Cold Case: Shameless (the best); My Name's Earl; Rescue Me - but I dont wanna be their friends: Buffy that musical was too good - Curb your Enthusiasm and Seinfeld. Oh, yeah and Six Feet Under and Dallas - I learnt so much from JR. Monkey Dust, Spaced, Big Train - Without a Trace - CSI - House - American office - Entourage (I want my own can we START one !) rest is poor

Books:

Martin Amis; McInenerney; de Lillo; Nick Hornby: Studs Terkel; Blink: Catcher in the Rye; some Doug Coupland - bits of Updike; Lord of the Flies; sadly Motley Crues ..biography..; writers is always the one where I struggle to name them

Heroes:

Take no heroes - take only inspiration Which rockstar are you like?
Eddie Van Halen....You are talented, out there, social, flamboyant, hyper, and full of energy.
Take this quiz !
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Your Porn Star Name
You scored as Poltergeist. Your name means noisy rocker! You'll terrorise the neighbourhood with gnashings and wailings. You'll be invisible, so you will have to make your presence felt in other ways. You will have the power to throw objects across the room and knocj things over. You will be bloodthirsty and violent. You will enjoy watching people suffer and don't see why the living shouldn't die - after all, it's more fun when you're dead.

Poltergeist


60%

Residue Haunting


55%

Jack-o'-lantern


48%

Funnel Ghost


48%

Apparition


40%

Dark Entity


38%

Orb


38%

Ectoplasm


25%
What ghost will you be when you die? - Halloween Special
created with QuizFarm.com

My Blog

J contd

Jane&. Was insane. I'm not a psychiatrist. I maybe a little unhinged myself. Who's to say. But I can recognise some of the signs. The wrist marks. No longer raw, but white with time. The mood swings....
Posted by Carl on Sat, 03 Mar 2007 07:17:00 PST

J...lots of J

J&Jerry&she was my boss& it was always an ambition of mine to sleep my way to the top&it seemed so much better than actually having to work for it. I let female bosses tough my leg. Flirt around with...
Posted by Carl on Sat, 03 Mar 2007 05:36:00 PST

D to I...

D   Donna. It was work. Not `at work`. Paid Work. A porn shoot. 5 am. The scenario ? A senseless, triggerless fuck on the back of a Harley at a Gas Station. Hey, so it wasn't Scorcese, I ha...
Posted by Carl on Wed, 17 Jan 2007 06:32:00 PST

C is for Crushed....

C. Okay Christine. A Strawberry girl. Banana split lady. Read the last rights to what I thought love was. She dildn't just break me heart, she tap danced morse code in my head and unscrewed my sensib...
Posted by Carl on Mon, 08 Jan 2007 05:44:00 PST

My dating ABC&&warts and all

A&Angela&.what did I do to deserve her. An hour of charm, a nice shirt and drunken flirting on the midnight North Kent coastal train, and a hungover phone call next day to persuade her dad that,...
Posted by Carl on Sun, 07 Jan 2007 08:12:00 PST

Ooh bring me more rain please...

January. A 31 day suicide watch. A month of hacking coughs, a lack of places to put three pairs of new slippers and a slough of broken resolutions. A month that grabs you by the shoulders and shakes ...
Posted by Carl on Sun, 07 Jan 2007 06:59:00 PST

Lunch with unreconstructed Pete

"So mate, how's the libido...." I ask, knowing that Pete is driven by his `needs` "You know what it like mate" he says..." We're onto comedy now. Tricks. Props. The peep hole underwear. Who want...
Posted by Carl on Mon, 20 Nov 2006 10:59:00 PST

Home

I have a one bedroom flat. I've got too big for it really. It's not that I've got fat. The kids are now huge when they stay and all the space seems to have been bagsed by something or other.&nbs...
Posted by Carl on Mon, 20 Nov 2006 10:33:00 PST

Looking for faith in all the wrong places...

I was having coffee with my friend Ulla... "Oprah's my birthday sister&" she said "And what's that mean&" I asked sweetly "We were born on the same day but a different year so we have some kindr...
Posted by Carl on Mon, 20 Nov 2006 10:24:00 PST

Carol singers

It's November the 11th. I've just had Carol Singers. Please. I open the door and they wail the last two lines of We Wish You A Merry Christmas. Bemused I give them 50p for those two lines. O...
Posted by Carl on Fri, 17 Nov 2006 03:04:00 PST