***Heather***

My Front Yard!!
You Think You Know Me, But You Have No Idea....
The one you never thought…
I am living in a city of evil, surrounded by the darkness of others. They're closing in on me faster and faster. They have taken advantage of my niceness and honesty. They try and shatter my dreams, and make me lose all hope. They betray me and walk all over me as if I was a doormat. This all has to be a horrible nightmare, my feelings can't be right, are people really like this???
All I asked for in life was ONE friend, someone to talk to and be there for me through thick and thin…someone to love me for who I am…Apparently that is to much to ask…
It seems that it is always the ones that you think care about you, the ones that would never hurt you, that are the quickest to betray you. No matter what they say and how many times they promise you they would never do that, they're the ones that turn their backs in a blink of an eye.
But why? What did I do? I seem to be asking this question a lot. What I don't understand is the betrayal and dishonesty? If people don't like me for who I am, that's fine, I am who I am. I have nothing to hide from anyone. I am proud of the person I am today. Yeah, I have made tons of mistakes. I am not perfect, but who is? Our faults are what make us unique. I have made a countless number of mistakes and caused mischief all my life, but that's me. I could/can tell you all the life lessons I have learned from the mistakes I have made, in hopes that you won't make the same mistakes. So, you'd be able to gain the wisdom and learn the lessons, without the consequences and havoc I have caused not only for myself but for the people around me…The funny thing about that though is that if I had a chance to go back and start over, I would not change a thing…The person I am today is a result of everything I have gone through. I know that I wouldn't be who I am today if I went through life without the disappointments, betrayal, accomplishments and triumph. The successes and downfalls that we experience create who we are, and the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones. And sometimes things happen to you at times that may seem horrible, painful and unfair, but in reflection you realize that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential strength, will power or heart.”
I think you are going to do what you are going to do, no one can convince you or talk you out of it, but they can give you their wisdom, and advice, and try and persuade you one direction or another. They may know what's right, but maybe this is a life lesson you won't quite understand fully unless you experience it.
I seem to have taken the hands on way of learning many life lessons. I have come to realize that although, I may have experienced things a little after most kids because I was sheltered growing up, it gave me chance to look more in detail at situations and analyze the outcomes a little better then I would have. I think this has given me a not only the understanding of a concept from both perspectives but a better grasp of the lesson.
Although my life has been filled with may mistakes, I would not take them back for anything. I am not ashamed of my mistakes, but look at them as a stepping-stone to be becoming a better person.
What I am trying to get at is I don't understand why people, lie about who they are, what they do, or believe? But mostly, why you would use it to hurt the people closest to you?
Little lessons and sayings to never forget:
“Don't let them get to you.”
“There is no gesture in this world more devastating then the back turning away.”
“Live~~Love~~Learn~~Die”
“You give love a bad name.”
“Kill them with success”
“I don't make mistakes I date them.”
“You don't realize what you have till its gone.”
“There is nothing left to lift me up I am so far down, I can't tell what I have done. I'm gone.”
“Boys tend to bully acquaintances or strangers, girls frequently attack within a tightly knit network of friends, making aggression harder to identify and intensifying the damage to the victim.”
“Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.”
“Boys use fists and knifes to fight their battles, where as girls use body language and relationship. In this world, friendship is a weapon, and the sting of a shout pales in comparison to a day of someone's silence.”
“No matter how bad the truth may hurt now, it's always better then a lie in the end.”
“I feel like I am drowning with the waves crashing over me, but I know that your love will set me free.”
“Lying never solves anything. It only picks and eats at you on the inside, and causes others more pain when they find out the truth. The truth always comes out; it's better now then later. People can forgive you for making a mistake but to lie is a different story. You've now lost their trust and respect, and most likely their friendship as well.”
“Your love will fill me when the blood in my body's drained.”
“I am not sober all the time.”
“Behind a façade of female intimacy lies a terrain traveled in secret, marked with anguish, and nourished in silence.”
~ Simmons
“In the battle girls have the perpetrator and the victim are often invisible, because the damage is neat and quiet. The targeted often looks like an outcast quiet in a corner or next to the boys. So why do we look at the only physical damage as bullying where the none physical by girls is seen as just 'what we do.' So why don't we look at more often the damage and bullying girls do, Think about the greater damage a girl causes, she does not leave a mark that goes away with time. We all have childhood stories of when we were bullied around and victims, we suffered quietly and we try to forget those dark secrets. But no matter how hard they never diminish because they took part of our self-esteem.”
“Often times I thought that I was the only one who had been in a certain type of situation and that no one else would understand me or what I felt and was going through. I was wrong I came to find out that I was not alone in anything that I went through and if I had been more open and upfront with things, when they happened I could have had a lot of advice and support to help me get through the though time. Just remember you're never alone, and often times you'd be surprised when you find out who else has been in that same situation.”
“Even a beautiful women doesn't know what see wants till she sees it.”
“You can get it if you really want.”
“Be proud of who you are, show off your persona, but don't secrete your faults.”
“Can't really know where you're going till you know where you've been.”
“You can not use what you do not have.”
“No matter what, no matter when, no matter who, any man has a chance sweep and woman off her feet.”
“I assume men will always let me down assuming they will always fail.”
“Do be afraid to let out your feelings, especially the ones you hold inside, knowing that someone else shares those same memories and feelings, that someone else understands, you'd be amazed how much lighter as a person you will feel when you let your secrets out.”
“Don't worry about what other people think, as long as you're happy.”
“If people don't like me for who I am then it's their loss of a great friend.”
“As long as you learn from the mistakes you make, make as many as you want.”
“I did not get a breast augmentation for anyone else but myself. It's something I have always wanted, and I worked hard to get them. They are mine, and no one else's. I did not get them cause I thought boys would like me better and I did not get them for attention. If you know me then you know I hate attention and I walk around in sweatshirt all year long because I hate the way people stare, I like to be the one in the corner, out of the spotlight. I want people to like me for who I am, my intelligence and personality. Not what I look like and wear or the show I can put on in front of other people. I can do that; I can put on a mask and be someone I am not, but why? I don't want to be known as the fake girl, or the girl who puts up a good front / disguise. I don't want to be popular and have friends who pretend to like me or think that it all about the quantity instead the quality. And mostly I don't want people to lose respect and trust in me, if they were to discover the truth behind the mask. People would rather known who you are instead of for who you are not or wont to be.”
“I am not god, since when do I get things right the first time.”
“Live your life to the fullest because you never know if you will be here tomorrow.”
“You call this a free country, then why is it so expensive to live here.”
“If he is stupid enough to cheat, he is dumb enough to get caught.”
“People leap and hope to god they can fly, cause other wise they drop like rock, and wonder the whole way down why the hell we jumped?”
“She may not want the whole truth but she does want the real you. She may not want to see it all at once but she does want to see it.”
“What is it with guys that makes them want to screw anything that walks.”
“60% of human communication is non-verbal (body language), 30% is tone, and 10% is actually what you say (90% does not come out of our mouth).”
“Life is not the amount breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away.”
“A woman's best friend has to always sign off on any relationship decision.”
“8 out of 10 women believe that the first kiss can tell them everything they need to know about the relationship.”
“Relationships are for people who are waiting for something better to come along.”
“Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lye in the arms of the one you love. If you must steal, steer away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. If you must drink, drink in the moments that take you breath away.
“A great man, is one that can be a survivor, as opposed to someone who is born into something and made a few right business decisions and has accomplished, what, money?”
~Angelina Jolie
“Love is an accident waiting to happen.”
“Fuck redemption. If you're gods unwanted children, so be it.”
“I don't want to be adored, I want to be loved.”
“Live everyday like it is your last.”
~ Frank Sinatra
“You may not be here, but you'll always be in my heart.”
“Better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all.”
“There is nothing more narcicstic then to think someone actually cares about you.”
“Never judge a book by its cover.”
“The hardest thing to do is having the courage to love someone and let them love you back.”
“Success is a virtue…failure is not an option.”
“The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say I cannot.”
“Follow your dreams, be the best you can be, and never give up.”
“TRUST - There are very few people I trust and the majority of them are NOT girls.”
“Money is not everything.”
“Sometimes chasing dreams can take you over the edge.”
“I am your best dream and your worst nightmare.”
“One more kiss could be the best thing and one more lie could be the worst.”
“If I was your best friend I would want you around all the time, I'd be your best friend if you promise to be mine. He said he is just a friend but girl lets not pretend, he either is or isn't your man…”
“I believe myself to be genuine and I would never betray the ones that I love. I value my friends and those who are real.”
“I yearn for those to put a smile on my face.”
“I am my own worst enemy.”
“Don't analyze what I say…I say what I mean…so why don't you understand?”
“Sometimes what you don't want comes first, sometimes what you want never comes, but all you can do is wait.”
“To feel pain sometimes can be good, it means you're still alive.”
“Speak if you know what your talking about, if not then don't bother.”
“Be spontaneous and outgoing.”
“Do the things that you never thought you would have done.”
“I am picky.”
“I know what I want.”
“I hate the term dating.”
“Most don't intrigue me.”
“It only takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, a day to love someone, but a life time to forget someone.”
“Don't mess with my heart.”
“Don't act like someone your not, be the person you are, and that's when you'll succeed in life.”
“Does not matter how many mistakes that you make in life, it only makes you that much stronger and smarter.”
“Listen to your heart before you let him go.”
“Crying is your weakness escaping.”
“FTW”
“Be open-minded, be different, dare to do the things you never thought.”
“Realize that taking care or your body and mind are important: it makes your mind more clear and your thoughts less cluttered.”
“Where the hell are you when I need you.”
“I am not sober anymore.”
“You push me down, at least you try, until we see it eye to eye. I don't want you.”
“Your words can't bring me down.”
“I am not who I was before.”
“I could be mean, I could be angry, you know I could be just like you. I could be fake, I could be stupid. You know I could be just like you. You thought you'd be the one sitting beside me, but you were only in my way. You thought you were here to guide me, but you were only in my way. And you were wrong if you thought I wanted to be like you.“
~ 3 days grace
“You're still on my mind, I dream about you all the time.”
“I've heard this life is overrated, but I hope that it gets better as I go.”
“Nothing can take way the love I have for people.”
“NO…Rico Suave that thinks he can have me by flashing money in my face and telling me he wants to take me to Paris…Just go away”
“Don't try and flaunt.”
“Graze on my lips, and if those hills be dry, stray lower where those pleasant fountains lie.”
~ William Shakespeare
“I do things for myself, not others. But I definitely don't do it for attention.”
“Calling people fat does not make you thinner. Calling people stupid does not make you smarter.”
“Not suppose to be scared of anything, but I don't know were I am. I wish that I could move, I am exhausted, and nobody understands. I am trying hard to breath now, but there is nowhere in my lungs. There is no one here to talk to, and the pain inside is making me numb. I try to hold this under control, I can't help me cause no one knows. Now I am going through changes. God I feel so frustrated lately. When I get suffocated, save me. Now I am going through changes, changes. I feel so weak and weary walking through this world alone. Everything I say every word of it, guts me to the bone. I've got something to say, but now I have got nowhere to turn. It feels like I have been berried underneath all the weight of the world. I hope I make it through these changes.”
~ 3 Doors Down
“Everyone is gorgeous. We are all beautiful in our own ways.”
“This world can't bring me down, but I won't turn away, cause I am already here.”
“I want nothing wrong and when everything is gone, there is nothing to fear.”
“In this world there is real, and make believe.”
“If there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to prove.”
“Someday I will find a love that feels like this, and this will fall away.”
“I am independent, my mind is screwed and upside down, but my heart is on overdrive.”
“Bars of pain and pleasure.”
“There is good and bad in everyone. Some people are just more upfront about it.”
“Only the strong survive.”
“The only ones you thought cared about you are the quickest to turn their back on you.”
“Never trust anyone, not even yourself.”
“People often pretend to be someone they're not.”
“Boys interpret an invitation (dance) as an invitation to open sex.”
“'Vodka' - which is like a curse word in the fact that we exploit it in private, but don't dare utter it in presence of adults.”
“What you thought was real in life, some how steers you wrong. Now all you can do is keep trying and trying to find out where you belong. But you feel helpless.”
“It's strange the way the mind remembers forgetting.”
“In the absence of memory, the night will be even more memorable.”
“Maybe I am just blind.”
“Alcohol like a childhood friend, aged with me.”
“I am alive, but I am alone.”
“I am like an earthquake, the type of natural disaster that no one can predict.”
“The most exciting moments come when you least expect it.”
“Thou shall be strong up to the point of being cocky.”
“You think you can hang, try me?”
“Tasting alcohol just once is a hopeful and as heartbreaking as kissing a boy just once.”
“If people only knew…would they look at you the same way?”
“Cut me down, in the name of forcing me to grow.”
“I easily believe that tragedy could not single me out.'
“Even thought I am no wild child, I can't imagine a goody-goody world in which how closely a person adheres to the rules is a measure of how well she lives.”
“There's a whole other world that takes shape during the hours others sleep.”
“Some tell lies, heaps of them. But actually believe they aren't lies, so much as they are little shifts in facts.”
“Social drinking: it's the drinking that creates the scene not the other way around.”
“A fraction of the truth = the whole-truth-and-nothing-but-the-truths second cousin.”
“Does ruining someone else's life really make you that much happier?”
“Sometimes good girls want to be bad sometimes.”
“After it rains, it pours, and after it pours the sun ALWAYS comes out.”
“I pray to god that the people around me don't start to cry, cause I will have no clue how to comfort them.”
“We have to many reasons not to look at each other, but there is to much history in the way…”
“If cats have nine lives, how many do we have?”
“I am not a monster or a devil in disguise. I am the child you created, you made me and shaped me into who I am, so why do you dislike me and hate me so much? I try to be the best I can the one you want me to be.”
“Don't sweat the small stuff”
“Always look at the glass half full, because what you don't realize is how many people who give their lives to have yours.”
“I am not a dangerous little vortex of evil. There is so much more I would rather do then waste my time looking for guns and ammunition. I am not harmful, but can inconsiderate treatment can stir to terrible action.”
“I am a human being, not a machine. I can only take so much till I reach a breaking point.”
“Are we born bad, or did something happen to make us bad, to make us act this way?”
“Why am I so angry and full or pain? So alone?”
“Why does no one really understand even though they say they do, they don't feel or know my pain? They don't know all the difficult issues.”
“They don't want to listen and understand, they don't care no one does. They only care about themselves. Am I the only one that put everyone before myself?”
“Adolescence is a time of intense feeling. Every kiss is more then just a kiss. Insults are more deeply felt. We take things to one extreme or the other.”
“Every day in high school presented me with new drama, something I hated. But how did I deal with it? I did what most did, what made me look and feel good, and worry about the consequences later.” Or known as magical thinking along with;
“It won't happen to me.”
“I am safe in numbers.”
“Nothing bad will happen.”
“Everyone else is doing it.”
“I'll never be thirty.” (My favorite)
“You think you know me, but you have no idea.”
“I am stronger mentally and physically then any knows or can imagine.”
“Most of the time it's the people that start talking shit, that can't back it up.”
“Always remember, karma is a bitch.”
“Patience, the best attribute anyone can have, and someone else worst nightmare.”
“In this world friendship, is a weapon.”
“Why do I start at the end and work back people ask? Because I can't understand the beginning till I understand the end.”
“Never let a man spend the night. Never apologize, never explain.”
“How do I explain that being with someone so dangerous, was the last time I felt safe.”
“Never forget who you are. The best part of me is hidden. Don't forget every insult and every tear.”
“Is believing in something better then knowing, does knowing tell you the difference between right and wrong?”
“Kill or be killed.”
“I don't want to be redeemed, I reject nothing.”
“Evil is tricky, just even you think you know what it is it changes its form. Learning its nature takes a life time of study.”
“Loneliness is a human condition, no one is ever going to fill that space. The best you can do is know yourself, know what you want, and don't let the cattle get in the way.”
“Love humiliates you, hatred cradles you.”
“The backlash you get from your parents, is like a lethal injection, you can only hope it will be quick and painless.”
“The thing I am discovering about girldom is, in the end, nobody cares if you are a drunk, an anorexic, a runaway, a dropout, a dope fiend, or a psychotic. These things aren't regaled, but they are allowed. With the right amount of therapy or religion or pharmaceuticals, they can be remedied and passed off as life stages. That is, as long as you are still a virgin. To be a whore is to be unsalvageable.”
“I am sorry. There are so many reasons, I need something more to believe in, the time has come to turn and walk away. Through as these changes there was time, now it's to late, but there's nothing more that I could say or do. It's time to walk a way, cause there won't be a tomorrow, and it's better sooner then later.”
“I am gonna get stupid, I am gonna get loaded. I am gonna get fucked up tonight. Drink all day and drink all night until I puke, then I will do it again.”
“I am missing you every second and I would never do anything intentionally to hurt you.”
“Take the promises that I made and hold them strong.”
“You're gone and I am still going through withdrawals.”
“I never took the time to ask what's wrong, so I'm the one that has to leave, but I am the one that never cried.”
“You never listen to what I have to say, and I should be the ones saying I told you so.”
“The last thing I need is somebody like you, to push me around and tell me what to do. There is a time and a place for you to call the shoots, but its not here. This whole life is just overrated, this whole is to complicated.”
“Why is it so wrong, when it feels so right?”
“The one that got away. But there are other fish in the sea. But I hope that he'll swim back home to me. It's been so long I should just move on.”
“Perfection through silence.”
“Two things that you don't fuck with in a girl, is her dough and her heart.”
“You expect me to just let you hit it, but would you still respect me if I let you.”
“Part of where I am going is knowing where I came from.”
“Perfection through silence.”
“Big girls don't cry.”
“I don't want to be anyone but me.”
“I am surrounded by liars everywhere I turn. I am surrounded by imposters everywhere I turn. I am surrounded by identity crisis, everywhere I turn. Am I the only one that knows this, the only one that's learned? I don't wanna be anything other then what I have been trying to be lately."
“Girls don't like boys, they like cars and money.”
“There will never be another me, another you, you can search all over but you'll never find someone just like me or you.”
“I will never die, as long as I continue to grow, and never fallow another person shadow.”
“You can try to rewind time, but in our hearts and mind we will never die."
“They say to keep your eyes wide open, but all I can say is I will try till the day I die. I promise to be wise with my heart open free, bring misery the way to tragedy, so I stay sucker free.”
“Only a few chosen rise.”
“Stay focused on the prize.”
“Don't be afraid to try.”
“If we can only learn to take our anger and hate, control our mental state, settle down and set it straight, maybe we can learn to take a second to pump our brakes, before we said it, regret it later and let it escalate, cause by then it's just to late. There's only so much we can take, only so much someone can swallow and tolerate. Till the point that he just breaks, snaps and that's all it takes. You'd think we were learning from others mistakes, but we ain't. We all ways go against the grain. With everyone comes an image they portrays and a picture that we ain't, but in the mist of all the anger never once did you hear me say I was perfect, and I ain't heard no complaints, but I know that I will always continue to grow. As long as I lead and never follow in anyone's shadow. ”
“Celebrities are regular people minus the money and light.”
“Time is money, and money is time, you got to get yours and I got to mine, and I'm going to get mine anyway I can find, cause there is more to life then getting' high.”
“I'm still standing and in love with my pride.”
“You got to do what you got to do, to stay rollin, keep the faith in your mind and continue to grow, one day at a time.”
“If you're not sure what you're waiting for? If you don't know what you're searching for, we all feel the same way; we all have the same things to go through. We all think the same way as you do; we all think the same way you do. If you feel like letting go, hold on, it gets better then you better. Don't stop looking, you're one step closer, don't stop searching, it gets better, hold on. You don't know how good you have it."
“Give change a smile.”
“They thin they doin' it, but I'm gonna out do them.”
“I'll never let the world see me fail.”
“It's how impossible dreams manifest.”
“Don't trust anybody, got to look over your shoulder constantly.”
“Why do people want to be cheesy?”
“Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there... to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson or help figure out who you are or who you want to become.”
“You never know who these people may be... your neighbor, child, long lost friend, lover, or even a complete stranger who, when you lock eyes with them you know that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way.”
“And sometimes things happen to you at the time that may seem horrible, painful and unfair, but in reflection you realize that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential strength, will power or heart.”
“Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, whether they are events, illnesses or relationships, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere... safe and comfortable but dull and utterly pointless.”
“The people you meet affect your life. The successes and downfalls that you experience can create who you are, and the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones.”
“If someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart, forgive them because they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart.”
“If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because they are teaching you to love and open your heart and eyes to little things.”
“Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again.”
“Talk to people you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Let yourself fall in love, break free and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to.”
“Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you.”
“You can make of your life anything you wish. Create your own life and then go out and live it, with absolutely no regrets.”
“Learn a lesson in life each day you live. And most importantly, if you love someone tell them, for you never know what tomorrow may have in store.”
“There is only one world, the real world, and in that world if a man is taking a woman out on a Friday night in her hooker heels, and she can't bring her home girl, he's trying to get some booty.”
Libra Libra, as befits the sign of the Scales, reveres balance and harmony above all. If this can be achieved with a partner, even better, for Libra rules the House of Partnerships and revels in things that come in twos. The Scales are sociable and shine in social situations, where their gift of communication is an attraction to many. Librans also want to be liked, even loved, by those who cross their path, and it can be very hard to resist the Scales when they are at their most charming and magnetic selves. It's not unusual for Librans to possess an easy grace and sense of style and move languidly throughout a room. Behind that pretty facade is a smart, often smoldering soul who knows how to get what they want, and would love nothing more than to do so fairly and justly. When the Scales find the partner they've been searching for, it could be a match made in hot heaven.