upholstered footstool profile picture

upholstered footstool

I SAY THEE NAY!

About Me

hey. i could use this space to tell u all about myself. or i could use it to write something totally illogical and weird. i have a strange feeling that the latter will be more interesting, so here is a poem for you all:

M is for monkeys. lots of monkeys.
O is for other monkeys not alluded to with the first mention of monkeys.
N is for neet-o, cause that's what monkeys are you know.
K is for kansas...i dunno know why.
E is for everybody...because everybody loves monkeys. or at least they should.
Y is for yes this is a stupid poem about monkeys.
B is for bite me.
~and~
A is for alright i know there's no B in monkey...or an A...but it's my poem & i can spell monkey...er...monkeyba any way i like! so there!

My Interests



I would first like to present you with the two finest words ever to be uttered in the english language:
PONCHO and YARN.
runners up include, but are not limited to:
HULA SKIRT, TIN CAN, and SOLIPSISTIC WANKER.
now, you may point out that all of the runners up are not "words" in and of themselves, as they are actually phrases comprised of multiple words. in response to this statement, i would argue that i don't care. deal with it.

now that we have finished this initial business, i can proceed with my intended plan.

*ahem*

BIFF (aka Pepperidge Farms) shall now present an alphabetically organized list of semi-soft cheeses.

Please use this information responsibly.

SEMI-SOFT CHEESES, A-B:
Adelost Airag Aisy Cendre American Cheese Ami du Chambertin Aromes au Gene de Marc Asadero Autun Baby Swiss Beenleigh Blue Bel Paese Bergere Bleue Beyaz Peynir Bishop Kennedy Bocconcini (Australian) Boulette d'Avesnes Brillat-Savarin Brin Bruder Basil Butterkase

I'd like to meet:

A nice coffee table, and maybe a few Barcaloungers, just for kicks.

"They're cousins, identical cousins! P Willy and Njrdjrvjrkjnjrvjrnjr! Two of a kind!"

Pinon is a refreshing and invigorating goat’s milk soap, which recalls northern New Mexico after a rain shower. Use as a wake up or pick me up.

Llanito Mexican Vanilla Soap Star Bars are individual handcrafted 5 oz. star shaped soaps that are packaged in cello bags. Hooboy.

for every comment posted, three keystrokes will be donated to the cobb squee foundation, benefiting those in need of comments. recipients include such valuable members of society as plastic skeletons, wild squirrels and anthropomorphic piles of tin cans. so do your part today!

start typing...seriously, those squirrels need you.

Music:

SEMI-SOFT CHEESES C-F:
Calenzana
Casciotta di Urbino
Celtic Promise
Charolais
Chevrotin des Aravis
Colby
Cougar Gold
Cream Havarti
Croghan
Curd
Danbo
Danish Fontina
Dauphin
Durrus
Feta (Australian)
Folded
Fontina Val d'Aosta
Fresh Jack
Fromage de Montagne de Savoie

Movies:

SEMI-SOFT CHEESES G-P
Gubbeen
Havarti
Hipi Iti
Hushallsost
Il Boschetto al Tartufo
King River Gold
Lajta
Langres
Lappi
Le Brin
Le Fium Orbo
Livarot
Loddiswell Avondale
Maroilles
Milleens
Monastery Cheeses
Morbier
Morbier Cru de Montagne
Mozzarella (Australian)
Neufchatel (Australian)
Oaxaca
Paneer
Pasteurized Processed
Pave d'Auge
Picos de Europa
Polkolbin
Pont l'Eveque
Port Nicholson

Television:

SEMI-SOFT CHEESES Q-R
Quartirolo Lombardo
Queso Blanco con Frutas --Pina y Mango
Raschera
Reblochon
Rocamadour
Rollot
Rubens

Books:

SEMI-SOFT CHEESES R-Z:
Raschera
Reblochon
Rocamadour
Rollot
Rubens
Saint-Nectaire
Sonoma Jack
Sottocenare al Tartufo
Sourire Lozerien
Taleggio
Tamie
Tetilla
Tomme de Chevre
Tomme de Savoie
Tronchon
Ulloa
Waterloo
Wigmore
Xanadu

Heroes:



...and waffles...must not overlook the waffles...

**BONUS** now...a very special song for you all...

"i'm just holding my gnome,
ive got my gnome in my hands,
and im standing behind this guy
whos wearing a really ugly hat
but it dont matter none
cuz ive got my gnome in my hands
im just holding my gno gno gno
gnome."

thank you.

My Blog

a FREE* lifetime supply of paper towels, plus a years worth of disillusionment at no extra cost


Posted by upholstered footstool on Thu, 03 May 2007 02:15:00 PST

death, destruction and crumpets..anyone?

so I want to organize an all out battle to the death with the prize being those ever-coveted spots in my Top 8. Yeah, you heard me. I'm planning on turning myspace into an arena of violent splendor w...
Posted by upholstered footstool on Wed, 15 Nov 2006 11:53:00 PST

The Regis Philbin Happy Hour

if you folks out there are in any manner similar to myself, you consider yourselves to be veritable connoisseurs of quality music. therefore, i shall assume that all are aware of the brand new album c...
Posted by upholstered footstool on Tue, 31 Oct 2006 02:44:00 PST

the official burt reynolds thread

This thread is reserved for conversational banter regarding Mr. Reynolds. Post all comments about the bandit here. Those considered off-topic will be deleted. -Biff, moderator/listmom   so i saw...
Posted by upholstered footstool on Thu, 05 Oct 2006 09:50:00 PST

A Revisionist's Vision of Pinter's The Homecoming for a New Generation of Post-Postmodernists

An excerpt from the upcoming nonfiction sensation that's sure to be sweeping the nation! Chapter 96- Plantains Very few people are aware of playwright Harold Pinter's undying fascination with the comp...
Posted by upholstered footstool on Wed, 27 Sep 2006 11:32:00 PST

uncanny valley

motivated by some form of morbid curiosity, i recently decided to take a peek at the atrocious "polar express"...you know, the creepy kids movie that used motion-capture technology to animate tom hank...
Posted by upholstered footstool on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

the accidental typist

So i've decided to quell all attempts at properly spelling words. it always seemed to be quite the futile effort anyway, as i have absolutely no knowledge of the english language (you know, what with ...
Posted by upholstered footstool on Fri, 03 Nov 2006 01:09:00 PST

yawn

so i was browsing through a particular manga this morning, when i spotted this relatively random quote:"sir, these model ha-chans are kickin' it so retro that i keep expecting some doctor zhivago-look...
Posted by upholstered footstool on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Ian McKellen

sometimes i just don't know what to do with myself......
Posted by upholstered footstool on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

dear god...it has risen from the dead!! the dreaded BLOG!

the horrific pit of cyberspace known as my blog has returned...it has ascended from the ashes like a phoenix. a really unamusing phoenix. come one, come all! see just how lame ol Bif can be!!! pro...
Posted by upholstered footstool on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST