Black Lavender profile picture

Black Lavender

I charge by the pound

About Me

SOME THINGS THAT COME TO PEOPLE'S MINDS WHEN THEY THINK OF ME, MATTHEW JAMES LOCHNER A.K.A. DIDDY A.K.A. LOCKJAW A.K.A. LOCHNESS MONSTER A.K.A. DIDDSWORTH A.K.A. CAPTAIN SCARE-A-HO:
INTERNATIONAL MAN OF LEISURE, CHAMPIONSHIP AIR GUITARIST, ACCOMPLISHED ROBOT DANCER, BEER ENTHUSIAST, BAD ASS MC, GODFATHER, HITMAN FOR HIRE, STUNTMAN/DAREDEVIL, PROFESSIONAL OUTDOORSMAN, CAGEFIGHTER, CONNOISSEUR OF FINE WOMEN, PURSUER OF THE AMERICAN DREAM, BODY DOUBLE, STREET PHARMACIST, MAGICIAN, LEGAL ADVISE, ILLEGAL ADVISE, COMPUTER VERIFIER, REVOLUTIONS STARTED, UPRISINGS QUELLED, POLITICIANS BOUGHT, POLITICIANS EXPOSED, TRENDS SET, TIGERS TAMED, SALOONS EMPTIED, VIRGINS CONVERTED, EX-VIRGINS RESTORED, ORGIES ORGANIZED, NUDE PHOTOGRAPHY, IMPRESSIONIST, KINGPIN, STRIP CLUB AFFICIANADO, HIGHWAYMAN, DEAL CLOSER, BLOCK CHOPPER, BODY GUARD, HEMP FARMER, EXPERT IN HOSTILE TAKEOVERS, MALL SANTA, WINGMAN, WANTED BANDIT, PROMOTER OF GOOD TIMES, PARTY STARTER, HOSTAGE NEGOTIATOR, PRODUCING GOLD RECORDS, FUNKINESS REGULATOR, ALERTING THOSE IN NEED OF GETTING THEIR BOY, and MASTER OF CEREMONIES.
"We had two bags of grass, seventy- five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high powered blotter acid, a salt shaker full of cocaine, a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, laughers, screamers ... Also a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of beer, a pint of raw ether and two dozen amyls. The only thing that really worried me was the ether. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an ether binge. And I knew we'd get into that rotten stuff pretty soon. "

My Interests

selling dreams, cashing checks, winning, pulling cards, fear and loathing, life, karma, rucas, good times, hobgoblins, the force, eventuality, the spread, rocking the casbah, girls with guns, jollystomping, midgets, bucking the system, watching watchers watch

Music:

all Wu Tang Clan and affiliates (dopest ever), Boot Camp, Living Legends, Cypress Hill, Heiroglyphics, Outkast, Goodie Mob, Lost Boyz, Mobb Deep, Nas, Roots, old Dre and Snoop, Pharcyde, Tribe Called Quest, Souls of Mistchief, Swollen Members, Artifacts, Rage Against The Machine, Pink Floyd, Johnny Cash, Beastie Boys, Jimi Hendrix, Bob Marley, Damian Marley, Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath/Ozzy Osbourne

Movies:

Reservoir Dogs, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, The Manchurian Canidate, Borat, Goodfellas, Fear Loathing in Las Vegas, Glen Gary Glenross, The Usual Suspects, Belly, Scarface (of course), Heat, Casino, The Shining, Deer Hunter, Apocalypse Now, Full Metal Jacket, Boondock Saints, Carlito's Way,