Stuart profile picture

Stuart

I would prefer not to

About Me

Word to your mother. I'm a writer. If you want to know more about that, Frantic Planet dot com is the homepage of the book I wrote that came out last year, and I also feature regularly in Total MMA , if you dig mixed martial arts. There's a bunch of other stuff leering over the horizon, but you'll just have to wait.

My Interests

If you were to burst into my home unannounced, you'd probably find me partaking in one or more of the following interests: Writing, cryptozoology, reading, comic books, comedy, daydreaming, wishing I had a dog, watching Garden State and having a complete emotional breakdown each and every time but always going back for more, wishing I'd been cool enough to have been in a band at some point, worrying that I'm ridiculously pretentious, trying to dance like Melvin Odoom and failing miserably, gaming, following the UFC, (still) mourning the death of ECW, ganking the shit out of Night Elves in WoW, laughing at the time Derek Acorah pretended to be possessed by a monkey - five years on, screaming into the sky.

I'd like to meet:

If we're talking celebrities, I'd gladly step on your face for a chance to hang out with Natalie Portman, Maggie Grace, Thora Birch or Nora Greenwald. Someday, they shall all be my wives.

For the more platonic fantasy encounters, Chris Morris would be top of the heap, along with Armando Iannucci, Louis Theroux, Stan Lee, Wes Borland, Danny Baker, Bas Rutten, Crispin Glover, and Devin Townsend, who are all fine, fine men.

Although actually, I shouldn't meet any of these people, as I'd probably nervously mutter something completely unfathomable, fall over in front of them like a massive spaz, and look up from the ground at their scourning faces wishing I'd been smart enough to follow the 'never meet your heroes or women you think are indescribably attractive' rule. But in an ideal world where I have the combined charisma of Christ, The Rock, and Dr Doom, I'd like to meet all of these people.

Also, the Cheeky Girls.

Music:

Devin Townsend, Black Light Burns, Faith No More, Sneaker Pimps, The Wildhearts, NOFX, Rancid, Entombed, Pitchshifter, Machine Head, Nirvana, Soulwax, Fear Factory, Cecil, Kerbdog, Wilt, Sepultura (Max-era), Soulfly, Goldfinger, Nailbomb, Morcheeba, Korn, Deftones, Team Sleep, Marilyn Manson, A, The Distillers, Strapping Young Lad, Dance Hall Crashers, Richard Cheese, Kunt and The Gang, Me First and The Gimme Gimmes, Oingo Boingo, Juliette Lewis and The Licks, E.S. Posthumus, Deadsy, Atari Teenage Riot, The Aquabats, Sevendust, Pist.On, Foo Fighters, Mudvayne, Goldie Lookin' Chain, Dead Kennedys, Feeder, The Eels, Bjork, Beatallica, Ai Otsuka, Operation Ivy, Mudvayne, Dave Navarro, CIV, Gorilla Biscuits, Bloodhound Gang, CKY, The Black Mages, 311, Butthole Surfers, Ben Folds, Kelly Clarkson, System Of A Down, The Eels, The Start, Tenacious D, Soundgarden, Orange 9mm, Honeycrack, ICP, Jedi Mind Tricks, Backyard Babies, K's Choice

Movies:

Fight Club, Ghostbusters, Karate Kid, Garden State, the Spider-man movies, Star Wars, the LOTR movies, Pee Wee's Big Adventure, Edward Scissorhands, Dead Man's Shoes, The Last Broadcast, Aliens, Battle Royale, Cannibal! The Musical, What's Eating Gilbert Grape, Batman Begins, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, American Splendor, Life Of Brian, Holy Grail, The Station Agent, Willard, Bad Santa, Das Experiment, Hellboy, Donnie Darko, Dog Soldiers, Session 9, Spinal Tap, Best In Show, Shaun Of The Dead, Bubba Ho-Tep, the X-Men movies, Sin City, Reservoir Dogs, Kill Bill, V For Vendetta

Television:

Carnivale, Lost, Oz, Brasseye, The Armando Iannucci Shows, League Of Gentlemen, Father Ted, I'm Alan Partridge, Knowing Me Knowing You, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Family Guy, South Park, Fist Of Fun, This Morning With Richard Not Judy, Spaced, Nathan Barley, The Ultimate Fighter, 15 Storeys High, Peep Show, The Day Today, The Goodies, Big Train

Books:

Frantic Planet , is always a good place to start. Also, comics like Preacher and Transmetropolitan, autobiographies of cool, interesting people, and anything Fortean. Obviously this includes all of Charles Fort's work, but particularly I'm loco en el coco for cryptozoology and weird local folklore. Books about the craft of writing and story, and the backstage machinations of Hollywood.

Heroes:

Charles Hoy Fort, Chris Morris, Natalie Portman, Kenneth Williams, Quentin Tarantino, Wes Borland, Nora Greenwald, Devin Townsend, Mike Patton, Peter Cook, Ronnie Barker, Armando Iannucci, Tim Burton, Lee and Herring, Steve Feltham, Raven, Stan Lee, Randy Couture, Ric Flair, Crispin Glover, Bas Rutten.

My Blog

Suge Knight

The Ploparazzi
Posted by Stuart on Fri, 20 Jun 2008 05:24:00 PST

New website

Hello. I have a new website, which you should all go to, because it's awesome and will be regularly updated.The PloparazziGet over there and bookmark it, you dirty bell....
Posted by Stuart on Thu, 15 May 2008 12:06:00 PST

Paris and Wolf

I updated the comics site for the first time since 1952. Here's a couple of them.Empty Click...
Posted by Stuart on Mon, 12 May 2008 02:09:00 PST

Astro Beach 5

A Little Vacationpoop!
Posted by Stuart on Sat, 12 Jan 2008 12:04:00 PST

Astro Beach 3

Empty Click
Posted by Stuart on Wed, 09 Jan 2008 04:08:00 PST

Astro Beach 1

Hector Has A QuestionEmpty Click
Posted by Stuart on Mon, 07 Jan 2008 06:25:00 PST

The Loneliness Of The Lighthouse Keeper

I'll be mostly abandoning MySpace soon, at least for posting my own stuff on, so the place to get these will be here....
Posted by Stuart on Fri, 04 Jan 2008 06:31:00 PST

New website and ting

In some sort of clearly-going-to-fail-after-a-week attempt to do more creative stuff than just novels or things people aren't going to see for ages (if at all) in oh eight, I'm moving all of my non-pe...
Posted by Stuart on Wed, 02 Jan 2008 04:25:00 PST

Dead; eyes, people, dogs.

This weekend I went to the house of the dead uncle of a friend of my mum's. Her widowed uncle had recently died, and it was up to them to dispose of all of his possessions and clear the place, so I of...
Posted by Stuart on Tue, 27 Nov 2007 11:20:00 PST

Jada Fires Big Black Fuck-Truck

Idea for a program -Cosmo "Michael Richards" Kramer and Dog the Bounty Hunter travel across America in a gigantic camper van with Jada Fire. As "Jada Fire's Big Black Fuck-Truck" makes its way through...
Posted by Stuart on Thu, 01 Nov 2007 08:06:00 PST