As a Super Star, Racecar Driver and THREE TIME Award Winning Film Maker, I believe that everything I say should be taken as Gospel Truth:
The details of my life are quite inconsequential....Very well, then, where shall I begin? Born into a family of under-achieving Boulangerie owners who suffered from low-grade Narcolepsy, I often make outrageous claims; I am certain, however, that I invented the Question Mark. I believe that chestnuts are lazy and accuse them of such. Without any doubt, this is all a result of suffering the kind of general malaise that only the genius posses...and the insane lament. I spend my summers in Rangune, I am a Master of the Luge and am currently drafting legislation to outlaw flip-flops at the Federal level. Among my clients, I currently represent the only Chiroptologist (look it up) licensed by the State of New Jersey. My brother is taller than I am, but this alone hardly makes him unique. I am arrogant enough that I do crossword puzzles in pen. Frankenstein never frightened me, but I find Werewolves quite disturbing. I once dated a girl who looked just like Valerie Bertinelli; as I look nothing like Eddie Van Halen, this relationship was hopelessly doomed. I often quote myself, as I find it adds spice to the conversation. I like Italian food and the exquisite sound paint makes when it's drying. MySpace is simply a convenient tool for execution of my secret, evil plan to rule the World.
I believe in the soul, the yin, the yang, the small of a woman's back, properly displayed cleavage, high fiber and good single malt scotch.
I believe that the novels of Susan Sontag and the works of Michael Moore are self-indulgent, two-dimensional, overrated crap.
I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone.
I believe that women look better in corsets, mini skirts and high heels than they do in slacks and flats.
I believe that the 55 Mile-Per-Hour Speed Limit and Legislative Anti-Smoking Bans are the most inane, idiotic laws passed in this country since Prohibition.
I believe that people who think that Hybrid Vehicles and Politically Correct Agendas are "The Answers" dont even know what the damned questions are.
I believe in the "sweet spot", fuel injected-V8-rear-wheel-drive coupes, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve, and I believe that many people confuse "a lack of tact" with "being blunt" simply because they're ill-mannered and immature.
I believe that you get more flies with garbage than you ever will with vinegar, sugar or honey.
Expected Date of Michael's Death as per Deathclock.com: SUNDAY, DECEMBER 20, 2026! Reserve your tickets NOW!
There's no way I'm not sneakin' this in: You have a sexual IQ of 157
When it comes to sex, you are a super genius. You have had a lot of experience, and sex interests you so you know a lot about it. You pride yourself on being a source of information and guidance to all of your friends.
Looks like someone I know.....:
My Bryde, My Queen...and yes; she will kick your ass.
