CHAMPOSAURUS REX profile picture

CHAMPOSAURUS REX

You're like me, but worse. Much worse.

About Me

"But it is a curve each of them feels, unmistakably. It is the parabola. They must have guessed, once or twice — guessed and refused to believe — that everything, always, collectively, had been moving toward that purified shape latent in the sky, that shape of no surprise, no second chance, no return. Yet they do move forever under it, reserved for its own black-and-white bad news certainly as if it were the rainbow, and they its children." -Gravity's Rainbow by Thomas Pynchon

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This is me. Sorry.


I'm one in 2 million. Literally.
I drink Smithwick's, Guinness and Jaegermeister. I don't date.I love and miss my best girl Bigsby.
I like musicians and writers. I like to feign interest.
I like Binx Bolling and the existential crisis. I shun the Kierkegaard narrative. I prefer Alchemy's First Law of Equivalent Exchange. Therefore, I believe in the zero-sum game. I like Serenity and the Whedonvirse.
I like tall, dark and rockabilly. I like tattoo sleeves and piercings and a Johnny Cash attitude. I like kickin' it old school.
I like strong cocktails in the mid-afternoon. I like Lester Bangs and the rock writer ethos. I like B movies and bad self-help. But I loathe bad writing.
I like David Sedaris and Hal Hartley and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I like Elvis Costello and Guided by Voices. I like FUCK YOU songs with bitter lyrics. A lot.
I like words, spoken and written.
I like math problems. I like not being bothered. I like late nights in dim rooms in a semi-conscious haze. I like to have unnatural attachments and still judge others who do.
I like to torture myself. I like to medicate. I like making lists. I like soccer. I love baseball. I like corn dogs.
I like conspiracy and the Zapruder film and Behold a Pale Horse. I like pi. I like zero. I like Carl Sagan. I like socialist theory. I like Nels Cline. I would like to have Nels Cline's brilliant offspring.
I like holding things for ransom. I like playing unfair.
I like the smell of Purex. I like self-indulgent "networking" sites. I like the smell of cold.
I tend to rage. I tend to wake up in someone else's bed.
I like the frequent karmic kick in the head. I like clever people with multisyllabic vocabularies and twisted logic.
I like sleeping with people. Really, just sleeping.
I like to find out how people who got married in high school are doing these days. I like people who fuck for validation. I like Scrabble. I like Yahtzee. I like trivia. I like nachos.
I like when the universe tells me I can fuck right off.
I like Chicago. The city, not the band. I don't like the smoking ban. I like random magic tricks and well-practiced bad jokes and short road trips with people who listen to good music.
I like vampires, the Chupacabra and Roberto Clemente.
I like to tell people to FUCK OFF! I like to change my mind. I like when others don't. I like Bigfoot and Godzilla and UFOs and Jandek.
I like a good snog. I like irony. I like fuck-ups. I like fucking with people.
I like to try and hide the pain for the things I can't explain.
I like WILCO. If you haven't seen them live and have no plans to then your life is an utter waste.
I like to dork out alone. I like the slow descent into a life I never meant. I don't like being so different from my family.
I like pints and pageantry.
I love Austin, Texas.
I do not like hugs.
I am never bored.

My Interests

Misanthropy.
Books.
Music.
Beer.
Writing.
Movies.
Animals.
Social experiments.
Engaging in subterfuge.
Ireland.
Rad mustaches.
Michael Cera.
Clark Duke.
Debunking paranormal videos on YouTube by yelling out "That's SO FAKE!".

I'd like to meet:

People who are not interested in meeting new people.

...a dead guy...
...and a baseball player...
...and the baddest bitch alive... The Cheapest Key
..

Music:

wilco. guided by voices. lucinda. the shins. steve earle. johnny cash. elvis costello. centro-matic. elvis presley. television. rilo kiley. uncle tupelo. kathleen edwards. marvin gaye. the jayhawks. donny hathatway. otis redding. nrbq. the bevis frond. bill withers. westerberg. black flag. new york dolls. the replacements. gram parsons. swimming pool q's. patsy cline. skynard. sugar. r.e.m. guadalcanal diary. kings of leon. weezer. bowie. aretha. the stranglers. tom waits. uncle tupelo. mindy smith. kelly clarkson. sam cooke. simon and garfunkle. supersuckers. mary lou lord. brian eno. nick drake. crowded house. al green. the coup. wes montgomery. coltrane. the indicators. stovall. jenny lewis. son volt. ray charles. stevie wonder. the racontuers. flaming lips. the young antiques. spoon. rolling stones. the decemberists. wu-tang clan. common. pharcyde. art tatum. matt powell. tom vandenavond. the good luck thrift store outfit. minus 5. susan tedeschi. koko taylor. etta james. mobb deep. crowded house. cannonball adderley. glenn gould. bach. nat baldwin.

Movies:

all the superman movies. fight club. coal miner's daughter. evil dead ii. army of darkness. ghostbusters. mi vida loca. urban cowboy. snatch. american beauty. star wars. bottle rocket. caddyshack. garden state. spinal tap. napoleon dynamite. titanic. the good girl. happy together. chungking express. the third man. kids. gummo. julian donkey-boy. bladerunner. singin' in the rain. sin city. henry fool. the book of life. simple men. down by law. rushmore. spinal tap. krush groove. say anything. coffee and cigarettes. the messenter. princess bride. i am legend. jandek on corwood. fargo. the graduate. whalerider. clerks. indiana jones. lost in translation. the big lebowski. friday the 13th. halloween. serenity. the last seduction. rebel without a cause. house of flying daggers. harold and kumar. hero. shaun of the dead. snakes on a plane. little miss sunshine. rock-n-roll high school. syriana. hot fuzz. the lost boys. blade. juno. bee movie.

Television:

daily show. buffy. angel. smallville. it's always sunny in philadelphia. braves baseball. x-files. transformers. mythbusters. sealab 2021. cold case files. city confidential. family guy. m.a.s.h. seinfeld. three's company. good times. greatest american hero. voltron. firefly. fishing with john. antiques roadshow. aqua teen hunger force. best week ever. law n order: svu. ghosthunters. the colbert report. gilmore girls. arrested development. house. the office. scrubs. grey's anatomy. sex and the city. robot chicken. veronica mars. sopranos. how i met your mother. 30 rock. heroes. chuck. the new adventures of old christine. bones. gossip girl. psych. monk. monsterquest. flight of the conchords. californication. dirt. garth marenghi's darkplace. doctor who.

Books:

godel, escher, bach. gravity's rainbow. the moviegoer. where white men fear to tread. prison writings. any essays by mark twain. everything by sedaris. one hundred years of solitude. balzac and the little chinese seamstress. the bluest eye. red earth,white lies. the short timers. communion. how to build a time machine. behold a pale horse. the unseen hand. the hundred brothers. confederacy of dunces. the hours. blood meridian. everything is illuminated. papillon. one flew over the cuckoo's nest. love medicine. jesus' son. fierce pajamas. memoirs of a geisha. let it blurt. freakonomics. the great influenza. ulysses. pipe dreams. chaos. junk science. the physics of superheroes. the trouble with physics. the unbearable lightness of being. chaos. the noonday demon. songbook.

Heroes:

My Grandma
My Mom
My Sister
My Brother
Lester Bangs
Chuck Klosterman
Leonard Peltier
Jon Stewart
Hal Hartley
Stephen Colbert
Mark Twain
Smoove B
Bob Pollard
John Lurie
Thomas Pynchon
Chuck Yeager
Bill Clinton
Walker Percy
Binx Bolling
Albert Einstein
Jeff Tweedy
Richard Pryor
Lucinda Williams
Zarah Kenter
Karen Kenter/Blumberg
Stevie Wonder
Orson Wells
Pierre de Fermat
Chief Joseph
Russel Means
Noam Chomsky
Esther
Sophie Germain
Chitto Harjo
Sherman Alexie
Joy Harjo
John Goodman
The Coen Brothers
Darren Aronovsky
Whoever created The Prisoner
Whoever thought to bread cheese and deep fry it

My Blog

PROGRAM GUIDE TO NIGHTMARE MEMORIES

    The Internet Archive has collected news programs from September 11 - 13, 2001.  Pick a news channel and a time and watch the events from 9/11 again.  If you can....
Posted by CHAMPOSAURUS REX on Thu, 08 May 2008 06:42:00 PST

TEACH BOTH SIDES? EVOLUTION V. CREATIONISM

    This four-panel should explain what I think of that:
Posted by CHAMPOSAURUS REX on Tue, 06 May 2008 01:24:00 PST

I THINK I CAN SUM UP THE SHOW IN ONE WORD FOR YOU: NOTHING.

Some funny things that happened with the family: (While watching a really bad movie)ME:  I think I'd rather go poo than watch this movie.MY SIS:  I think I'd rather watch you. (Whi...
Posted by CHAMPOSAURUS REX on Sun, 04 May 2008 09:45:00 PST

THE NATIONAL ARMS HAVE BEEN COVERED WITH GLORY! FELICE CINCO DE MAYO!

On this day in 1862, Mexico was faced with what Lloyd Dobler might have called a "dare to be great situation".  France and it's sense-of-adventure foreign policy was reacting aggressively in resp...
Posted by CHAMPOSAURUS REX on Mon, 05 May 2008 02:55:00 PST

QUACKERY! I FINALLY TOOK THE MYERS-BRIGGS

I am ENFP.Here are some blurbs about what that means:The Champion Idealists are abstract in thought and speech, cooperative in accomplishing their aims, and informative and expressive when relating wi...
Posted by CHAMPOSAURUS REX on Wed, 30 Apr 2008 01:18:00 PST

WELL I HOPE YOU WONT SEE ME IN MY RAGGED COMPANY

I just finished watching The Big Lebowski for the 9 billionth time.  I don't know why.  Maybe it's because I'm sorta on the edge of one of those "female times" or maybe it's because a month'...
Posted by CHAMPOSAURUS REX on Tue, 29 Apr 2008 12:23:00 PST

IF I COULD YOU KNOW I WOULD JUST HOLD YOUR HAND AND YOU’D UNDERSTAND...

I realized today that I'm in countdown mode for the 2 consecutive nights of WILCO rocking off my face and Deb's face.  A mere 12 days!!!I know there are very few people who dork out as much as I ...
Posted by CHAMPOSAURUS REX on Mon, 28 Apr 2008 11:03:00 PST

I AM A DEAD ROCK STAR

..tr>..tr>Which Dead Rock Star Are You?Jeff BuckleyYou are Jeff Buckley! You're influential to many young and old, and very talented. You have charisma and grace that sets you a part from many. You ar...
Posted by CHAMPOSAURUS REX on Thu, 17 Apr 2008 01:12:00 PST

SPACE CAN BE CRUMPLED LIKE A PIECE OF PAPER INTO AN INFINITESIMAL DOT

R.I.P. Johnny Wheeler.  You made my life more interesting.John A. Wheeler, a visionary physicist and teacher who helped invent the theory of nuclear fission, gave black holes their name and argue...
Posted by CHAMPOSAURUS REX on Tue, 15 Apr 2008 01:11:00 PST

IN YOUR CUSTOM PRIVATE PRISON I AWAIT, DRAGGING SHACKLES WHILE YOU WONT COMMUNICATE

To reiterate:  I had been thinking for the past few weeks about skipping Austin and headed back east, to Atlanta...a city I loved once.  I've since changed my mind.  However, it must st...
Posted by CHAMPOSAURUS REX on Mon, 14 Apr 2008 01:21:00 PST