LAKE profile picture

LAKE

Blood is nature's ketchup.

About Me

Jonathan Goss is a terrible man, a cowardly charlatan, a vapid curmudgeon, a stale loaf. He has a touch of the mongoloid, right in here. He hardly vacuums; mops even less. He needs a semicolonoscopy. His friends are horrible judges of character. He takes communion because he likes the grape juice (kind of true). Sometimes he imagines himself a theologian but only because he is a pretentious jerkbag. He parrots smart people and mimes total retards. And loves every ridiculous minute of it. He likes cheesy metaphors, is an etymology nerd, and is addicted to alliteration. He rambles. He is a punny gosling. He is a frayed knot that makes up words and is tired of all the constant bickering about oatmeal. And the fact that he's an aspiring author who's being ordained thoroughly frightens everyone around him. He is a silly little boy who probably makes fun of himself way too much.Photobucket Album

My Interests

Sleeping. I have a South Park habit, booze on the side. Steampunks are industrious artists. Winter nights rule. Pirates beat ninjas; zombies maul robots; werewolves shred vampires (it's science). But VIKINGS would kill them all! I dig the arcane. Nazi jokes kill. Guns'll do but hands're gratifying. Writing novels eats up my time; reading takes up more. God's plan is full of variables. I'm addicted to late night phone calls and the flinty baritone they've earned me.

I'd like to meet:

Someone who realizes that nothing of man is sacrosanct and even a killing joke is still just a joke. Someone who sings along when watching Cannibal: The Musical!.

Music:

Bad Dudes; VHS or Beta; Gary Davies; Duran Duran; Gary Numan; David Bowie; Echobrain; Head Automatica; The Mr. T Experience; Danny Elfman; Brian Eno; A Place to Bury Strangers; Basil Poledouris; BT; Chris Isaak; Marvin Gaye; The Cult; Parliment Funkadelic; Jesus and Mary Chain; Motorhead; The Killers; Kenna; Tenacious D; Down to the Bone; Ben Folds Five; DC Talk; Bob Seger; Toto; John Williams; Chicago; Blues Traveler and Harry Connick Jr..

Movies:

Sweeny Todd, The Demon Barber of Fleet Street; No Country for Old Men; Brick; Cloverfield; Uncle Buck; The Proposition; A Mighty Heart; The Rats of Nimh; Kingdom; The Labyrinth; Moulin Rouge; 3:10 to Yuma; Serenity; Christmas Vacation; Master and Commander; 28 Weeks Later; The Usual Suspects; Sleepy Hollow; Gladiator; UHF; Zoolander; Dog Soldiers; The Ice Harvest; Excalibur; Ravenous; LotR; What About Bob?; 1st SW trilogy (that's old school, kids); The Nightmare Before Christmas; The Three Musketeers; The Man in the Iron Mask; Army of Darkness; Basic; Ran; The Last Samurai; Titus; Kelly's Heroes; Spaceballs; The 13th Warrior; The Ghost and the Darkness; Dune; Zulu; Cannibal: The Musical!; The Seven Samurai; Any Given Sunday; The Count of Monte Cristo; The Princess Bride; Clear and Present Danger; Josie and the Pussycats; South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut; Anchorman; This is Spinal Tap; Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail; Monty Python and the Life of Brian; Open Range; ...And Now for Something Completely Different; In the Mouth of Madness; They Live; Ben Hur; and Office Space.

Television:

South Park; The Mighty Boosh; Conan O'Brien and Matlock.

Books:

The Greek Hebrew Study Bible; Gates of Fire; World War Z; Eats, Shoots and Leaves; Speaking My Mind; Paradise Lost; A Generous Orthodoxy; The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy; A Wolf Story; How to Lose a Battle; The Afghan Campaign; Peculiar Treasures; The Far Side; Deep Thoughts Anthology; Jonathan Swift's "A Modest Proposal"; The Illuminatus! Trilogy; Tides of War; Lost Horizon; Virtues of War; Dune; The Spartan Health Regime; The Eye of the World; War of Art; The First Five Pages; Fingerprints of the Gods; Our Utmost for His Highest; The Visionary Christian; Mere Christianity; A Grief Observed; 1984; Animal Farm; The Screwtape Letters; The Spirit World by Clarence Larkin; Dispensational Truth by Clarence Larkin; The Old Man and the Sea; HP Lovecraft's short stories, namely "Call of Cthulhu" and "At the Mountains of Madness"; Nelson's Trafalgar; Fondling Your Muse; My First Presidentiary: A Scrapbook By George W. Bush; The Metrosexual Guide To Style; Letters from a Nut; The Western Way of War; The Zombie Survival Guide; America: The Book; A War Like No Other; Holidays on Ice; Me Talk Pretty One Day; Dress Your Family in Cordury and Denim; Naked; Dictionary of the Khazars; Titus Andronicus; Paradise Lost; Starship Troopers; The Iliad; Freaky Deaky; Eagle In the Snow; Godric; and Eaters of the Dead.

Heroes:

Christ; my father; my grandfather; CS Lewis; Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain; Steven Pressfield; Leonidas; and HP Lovecraft...

My Blog

Tru7h...

"Sometimes, in the wreckage of our wake, there's a bitterness we harbor;Hate for hatred's sake..."At last, the Harbor. The oar banks are pulled and the porters lash the mooring lines. We unload onto...
Posted by LAKE on Thu, 30 Nov 2006 04:26:00 PST

Acheronaut...

"Still awake, I continue to move along, cultivating my own nonsense.Welcome to the wasteland, where you'll find ashes, nothing but ashes..."With a slowing rhythm we pierce The Harbor's gate, passing b...
Posted by LAKE on Thu, 30 Nov 2006 04:15:00 PST

Casting Lots...

Now's the time for a real crusade.Can a man change God's heart?We're going to find out....
Posted by LAKE on Wed, 29 Nov 2006 09:30:00 PST

The Fruits of My Insomnia...

I haven't done these in a long time, so why not. Maybe it'll soothe my addled, frayed mind, kind of like those relaxation balls that make funny noises, or those useless zen gardens that just end up g...
Posted by LAKE on Sun, 26 Nov 2006 03:55:00 PST

In Amber Clad...

"...We dropped into the unforgiving dust, our troupe utterly exhausted. A blistering midnight gale swept across the plateau, sending grit into our heaving maws. I'm fairly certain we slept there, bu...
Posted by LAKE on Fri, 24 Nov 2006 04:53:00 PST

Turbulent Union...

My friend Koryn (heretofore known as KKK) is valued for many things. She calls me at 1:30 AM at least once a week because--let's face it--who else is up? She smokes cigarettes in the bathroom, choke...
Posted by LAKE on Mon, 20 Nov 2006 11:43:00 PST

Nocturnal Nonpariel...

Wednesday I received the best wake up call anyone could ask for. If every day started like that...well, it'd simply rock. Now all I have to do is ferret out the conspirator. Maybe this time they ar...
Posted by LAKE on Sun, 19 Nov 2006 05:47:00 PST

Flipside...

It's a common law of the universe that the cooler the band name, the crappier the band. Though each law does have it's exceptions (See: Hoobastank, which happens to be both and in grotesque, almost b...
Posted by LAKE on Sat, 18 Nov 2006 08:22:00 PST

Divine Cannibal...

Sapient readers will spot this one from a furlong out, but here we go.From sole to lock we wore the ash, as bounty for our horrid labor. Spoils sprouted from charnel sierras, great mounds of Mammon a...
Posted by LAKE on Fri, 17 Nov 2006 04:22:00 PST

"V" for...

There are some among you who balk at my lack of enthusiasm in regards to the prospect of procreation. I proffer the following as evidence:"Hi! What?""Megaforce Cardboard go!""All your manga are belon...
Posted by LAKE on Wed, 15 Nov 2006 08:40:00 PST