karma's bitch profile picture

karma's bitch

break out those sandwiches from the gas station. i'm so hungry i could eat a sandwich from a gas sta

About Me


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I moved back to DC in summer of 2005, after a disastrous few years in Charleston, SC - part of that time was spent trying to own and run a restaurant. Great place to visit, but living there was something else. In hindsight, I can't really figure out why I ever left DC, except to say I was in luuuurrrrvvvveeee at the time. I loved living here, and I still do. I love to DANCE...to almost anything. Dancing is pretty much what keeps me sane and from getting totally and completely stressed out. I have an affinity for overblown, overproduced rock/pop ballads (think Journey's "Open Arms" or Edwin McCain "I'll Be" or "Could Not Ask For More"). I play air guitar... and air bass, and air drums, and air keyboard whenever the mood strikes. I also "derdnanader" a lot to music. I love IHOP. I have never seen a waterfall in nature, but I have always wanted to. I am addicted to Sudoku puzzles. I roll my own cigarettes, and not with a machine either. I aspire to be a MILF. I'm also hilarious. I'm a big sap: Other than that, I don't really know what to tell people about me so I'll just list things that freak me out: Clowns, horses (Satan's animal), little kids speaking any language other than American English, tendons (yeah, you heard me), "surround sound" (it makes me a little off balance), ground meat of any kind (sausages, you know I'm talking about you in particular), with the exception of the Boudin Blanc at Marcel's and a really good burger once in a while. Pet peeves: apostrophes where they don't belong, Bob Dylan (I have a very strict "no Dylan EVER" policy), people who drive without using their turn signals, men who emotionally punish without even offering the opportunity for real communication -- other than that, I'm pretty well adjusted. If you want to know more about me, read my damn blog! a target="hl"

My Interests

In general: Books, music (especially live), fountain pens - new and vintage - and beautiful paper and handwritten letters, kaleidoscopes, parmesan cheese Goldfish crackers, fuckin' good wine (I'm a big wino - from Burgundy preferably), good food, gay porn, pulp and pop culture, interesting tattoos and piercings, Art Nouveau and Art Deco, traveling NOT for work, blue eyes, great smiles and laughs, my friends, my family, you know the whole boring scenario. I'm also interested in Fudge Jumbles, something I find that very few people remember and I wish they still made. I'd also like to know whatever happened to Rondo. I would like the ORIGINAL jello pudding pops to come back...I know they make them again, but they just aren't quite the same. I am always interested in finding the perfect pair of shoes. and polar bears. seriously, can someone get me a polar bear?
moar funny pictures

I'd like to meet:

Creative people, like musicians, photographers, artists, writers, designers, etc. (No chefs, please.) People with quirky tastes and senses of humor. Must have some level of intelligence and be able to use proper punctuation. I like a good speller. You should use relatively proper grammar as well. Jesco White. I would like to meet Beck and ask him what flashdance asspants are. Maybe you? Please also don't contact me if all you're going to say is "hi Jennifer how are you today". I won't answer these messages. That is not conversation. I am not interested in seeing if I can get 5000 people on some completely arbitrary list of friends. I'm here to track my ACTUAL friends and some musicians. If you want an add to my friends list, send me a message first telling me WHY you want me to add you. I don't understand the reasons behind some people asking to be my friend, when our profiles would so clearly suggest that we have nothing in common. If you're a dude, and you have 600 half dressed females and no males on your list, then I will NOT add you (and I always check profiles first). It's clear you're looking to amass a list of "hot women" and that's it. I WILL DENY ANYONE WHO DOESN'T SEND A MESSAGE FIRST. PERIOD. And just because you send a message doesn't mean you will get added either -- if we have nothing in common, then what's the point? Also, if one more guy tells me he would impress me by fixing me a "great salmon" for dinner, I will immediately delete the message and, further, deride you mercilessly in my blog. I DETEST salmon, number one; number two, I was essentially married to a chef for several years and we owned a restaurant and a home together, so YOUR ability to cook does not particularly impress me; and number three, salmon is not that difficult to cook. Even *I* can cook salmon...but I won't. End of rant. I would like to meet Peter Gabriel, to ask him why he made us wait a gabillion years for his last album and it SUCKED MAJOR HUGE HAIRY STINKY ASS!!

Music:

This is a tough one. Most profiles I've looked at just have a list of band or artist names. I couldn't do that. My listening habits go in phases and I'll listen to ALMOST anything. About the only thing I don't like is opera. I've tried, really I have, but I just can't do it. Maybe I need to actually GO there. At any rate, I like it all, from bluegrass to electronic stuff. I met Johnny Cash once--he put his arm around me and called me "darlin'"--and one of the best live shows I've ever been to was Barry Manilow. Yeah, I said it and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I saw Dionne Warwick with Burt Bacharach once too. That was pretty good. But I've seen U2 when they were playing small "State Theater" type venues, I've seen Lyle Lovett more times than I can count, and I outdanced a 21-year old at a BT concert in DC. I once went to 4 shows one week--Bauhaus (the "reunion" tour!), Nick Cave, Poi Dog Pondering, and Lloyd Cole (I think)...actually it could have been TheThe, now that I think about it. That right there should show the range of my musical tastes. I can't say that I have any favorites because it all depends on my mood. I like this guy, David Poe, A LOT:

Movies:

Some favorites: Old Skool: Lucas-to cry to (Rachel knows about this), The Money Pit-to laugh to (Rachel knows about this too -- "The CareBears were here!"), anything with John Cusack in his teens/early 20's (my baby-daddy) New Skool: Drop Dead Gorgeous (absolutely DEAD ON central Minnesota accents and fuckin' HILARIOUS), Swingers (Vince Vaughn before he got chunky...mmmmmmm), the Will Farrell/Ben Stiller/Vince Vaughn/etc. genre, Van Wilder. I'm sensing a theme here. For an over-educated really smart girl, I'm not much of a "film" person. I like my movies to entertain...I don't like to have to think too much about them. If I'm paying $30 for a movie ticket, a vat of corn, and a keg of Coke then ENTERTAIN ME DAMN IT!!! Some of the more "film" type movies I do like are: Pleasantville (because I like the contrast between Black/White and color), Girl With a Pearl Earring (because 1.it is just so beautifully shot with strategically filmed scenes that look EXACTLY like Vermeer's paintings, and 2.Colin Firth), Incognito (because it's just a cool premise). Porn is always good. I'm sure there are many others I can't think of right now.

Television:

I don't watch too much actual TV. I have it on most of the day, but I don't really watch it. I MUST watch the following: BIG LOVE (if you haven't seen it, it's completely addicting and fabulous), NIP..TUCK (awesome!!!), and PROJECT RUNWAY (such drama, and sometimes even really well-designed clothing). SCRUBS too, I guess. I'm totally going to marry that Zach Braff, once he notices my existence. That's pretty much it. I used to watch Will & Grace but that's done and I missed most of the last season anyway. If I had Showtime, I'd totally be into "THE TUDORS".

Books:

I read CONSTANTLY. I have a ton of books...they are things I just can't ever seem to get rid of. There are way too many to list as favorites, but I always seem to want to reread Dave Eggers' "A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius". If you've never read it, pick up a copy and MAKE SURE you read all of the prologue stuff. Right there...that's my sense of humor. Good stuff. (MWKWWM is good too - be sure to read that.) David Sedaris always cracks me up. I loved "The Autobiography of Henry VIII" by Margaret George but couldn't get into the one about Cleopatra (strangely). I'm not an enormous non-fiction reader, but I liked Matthew Bogdanos' book "Thieves of Baghdad" -- talk about self-aggrandizing, but I did like the story. And Bill Bryson is a complete riot -- there's a paragraph in "A Walk In The Woods" (somewhere around the 200s, it seems to me, but I could be wrong) about he and Katz running into a moose that will send me into a fit of apoplexy no matter where I am, and no matter how often I've read it. Last summer in a Borders in Sarasota FL while reading it out loud to my friend Adrienne is the last time -- we almost peed our pants in the aisle. My favorites are John Irving, John Updike, Edith Wharton (although I hated being forced to read her in high school), Margaret Atwood, just to name a few. I'll basically read anything. I do a lot of crap-reading, too, and many books I purchase come from airports or truck stops. I hate the library (except for having sex in, and only in the dusty back stacks of a University library) because you have to return the books once you've read them...what if you want to REread them at your leisure??? Steven King, Anne Rice, John Grisham, etc. might as well be Danielle Steele...they can kiss my ass. Well, Anne Rice is OK, and her porn is interesting. But the rest can suck it. There are two photography books coming out shortly everyone should get...one by Jim LoScalzo - see my blog - which promises to be a great read, and is about a photojournalist's addiction to the craft (pay special attention to stories featuring Duke Samuels-I think that's the name he gave him. That's my friend Chris). And the second one coming out is titled "One of Us" and is a photojournalistic view of what's been going on in the South during and the many months after Katrina...all proceeds will go to Katrina relief. See www.chrisusher.com for previews.

Heroes:

Is it wrong to say I don't really have any? I've met some I've had in the past, and they always let me down. They were always assholes.

My Blog

the cowboy junkies always find a way to rock my world

so, I'm on a trip, driving right now toward savannah way. this, of course, makes me think of buttface who (as far as I know) still lives there. it makes me think that I'd like to figure out how to sto...
Posted by karma's bitch on Wed, 04 Jun 2008 04:56:00 PST

patience, my friends. patience

to all readers and message senders: I am a traveling fool right now. I appreciate your readership and your messages, but you'll have to be very patient with me about responding. I'm mobile most of ...
Posted by karma's bitch on Wed, 28 May 2008 12:35:00 PST

BE IN A GOOD MOOD TODAY GODDAMN IT!!!!

I... AM NOT... I AM ON DAY 3 OF A MIGRAINE... I AM MOST UNHAPPY... I AM AT WORK AND DO NOT WANT TO BE...a colleague just sent me this and i've been watching it over and over for the past 10 minutes. i...
Posted by karma's bitch on Fri, 16 May 2008 07:21:00 PST

heehee

see more crazy cat pics...
Posted by karma's bitch on Thu, 01 May 2008 09:33:00 PST

i still can’t get enough of this

.....
Posted by karma's bitch on Mon, 28 Apr 2008 06:44:00 PST

as if I didn't have enough problems sleeping

this sucks so bad... it's 4 am, and for not quite the 3rd night in a row (I slept fairly normal yesterday, if you call passing out at 430 and not getting up for much for just over 12 hours "normal...
Posted by karma's bitch on Wed, 23 Apr 2008 01:27:00 PST

hilarious commercials

i saw this commercial in sydney, and thought it was hilarious. ...
Posted by karma's bitch on Mon, 21 Apr 2008 08:53:00 PST

neanderthal man

apparently, and i'm basing this on a VERY brief sound effect, neanderthal man sounded just like stephen hawking!Neanderthal Man Speaks!...
Posted by karma's bitch on Thu, 17 Apr 2008 04:47:00 PST

hey... did you know i have curly hair?

... yeah... me neither.well, ok, not CURLY curly, but wavy. stick straight hair all my life, and suddenly, this week, i have wavy hair. i blow dry it in the morning, walk outside, and within an hour i...
Posted by karma's bitch on Mon, 14 Apr 2008 04:55:00 PST

break my fall

...somebody, please, break my fall... ..Tiesto featuring BT - from Elements of Life...
Posted by karma's bitch on Wed, 09 Apr 2008 02:03:00 PST