Whiskey and beer (like together and shit!). Getting it on with the ladies, especially the ones with madass CURVES, and then puking afterwards. Not because I can't handle my booze, bitches. Nah. Because I drink THAT MUCH!!! Sometimes I'll be WAY FUCKING DRUNK and I'll be with this girlie and I think she's like hot and shit, but then the next morning, it's like "shiiiittttt! She ain't hot. She's just kind of okay." Kind of okay ain't good enough for me and my big rocket launcher. We need the hotter than LAVA ladies. That's right! FUCKING LAVA! I was once with this girlie who squirted like some kind of whale blowhole. She wasn't fat though. Honestly. She was just a squirter. It freaked me out at first, but then I rolled with it and was like "now this is FUCKING ENTERTAINMENT!" This kind of shit happens to me all the time...for real!
The kind of women who bring heat...and don't mind exploding after my big gun hits them hard and deep!
I ONLY listen to Brian Johnson era AC/DC. That's right. Bon Scott was like cool and shit, but he was too witty for his own good. And he was kind of a pretty boy. Brian Johnson, on the OTHER HAND, looks like some bloke they pulled out of a mine in Scotland. And he sings like a mean badger on fire. Fucking MEANASS badger! There were a few shaky years from 1984 to 1994 when Brian was losing his voice (the result of screaming his head off on FLICK OF THE SWITCH...the GRETATEST FUCKING ALBUM OF ALL TIME! And if you don't think so, you must not have any balls). Anyway, after rocking out so much on FLICK OF THE SWITCH, Brian started sounding like a badger rather than a MEANASS badger on fire. The worst was THE RAZOR'S EDGE album. Even though "Thunderstruck" rocked, the rest of the album was weak shit. This fag producer who produced semi-fag acts like Aerosmith and major fag acts like Bon-Jovi produced the RAZOR'S EDGE. It's like what the fuck?! Brian's voice is shot and the band doesn't have any POWER! But then, thankfully, that fag producer died, AC/DC enlisted Rick Rubin (a COOL producer), and most importantly, Brian found his "second voice". He no longer sounded like he did in the early 1980s (but WHO the fuck could?! The man's pipes were untouchable then?! Fucking UNTOUCHABLE!!!), but man, Brian finally got down with this OLD meanass badger voice. And now, rather than being on fire, he's coming out of the ashes, all blackened and shit, and he's taking a bite out of your ass!!! All this greatness resulted in 1995's BALLBREAKER. An album so good, it made my balls ache the first couple times I listened to it. Really. BALLBREAKER fucking rocks more than any fag grunge band ever could at the time. And the follow-up, STIFF UPPER LIP, rocks harder than any emo fag ever could (by the way, I CAN'T STAND emo fags!). Still, these two last albums, as great as they fucking are, could never match the AWESOME POWER of the first three albums AC/DC did with Brian Johnson: BACK IN BLACK, FOR THOSE ABOUT TO ROCK (WE SALUTE YOU) and FLICK OF THE SWITCH (the GREATEST ALBUM OF ALL TIME!!!).
I ONLY watch Charles Bronson flicks. If you don't dig Bronson, then hit the bricks. I don't have time for people who don't have balls (unless you're hot ladies, with the sickass curves, then you could dig whatever lame shit you like...just as long as you're lathering up THE BONE). It SHOULD go without saying that the GREATEST Charles Bronson flicks are the first three DEATH WISH films. They were all directed by a mad genius named Michael Winner (how could you lose with a name like "Winner"?). The first DEATH WISH really just sets shit up. Charles Bronson plays Paul Kersey...and if you didn't know that, you MUST not have any balls!! Well, maybe you'll grow SOME after reading more of my shit here. So I like DEATH WISH, good acting from Bronson and everything, but not too many kills in the movie. Things start really cooking in DEATH WISH 2. Paul Kersey's daughter (who got raped in the first movie) is a retard (though that kind of makes her hotter in a way) and she gets RAPED AGAIN!!! What are the chances?! I once saw an unrated version of DEATH WISH 2 and maaaaan, it almost rocked the balls off me!!! After Kersey's retard daughter gets raped she jumps out a window (yeah...I know...she's a retard) and then, bam! She lands on a spike! A FUCKING SPIKE!!! Blood spurts out of her mouth and it's some NASTY SHIT! But that's all titty squeezing to DEATH WISH 3 (the GREATEST FUCKING MOVIE OF ALL TIME!!!). There's no nasty gore scenes like in the unrated DEATH WISH 2, but the number of kills in DETAH WISH 3 more than makes up for that shit. I swear, in the last half hour of DEATH WISH 3, Bronson kills more creeps than in all the other DEATH WISH films put together. He kills the head creep with a missle launcher. I have a pic of this shot in my photo section here. What a picture!! What a movie!!! If you don't dig DEATH WISH 3, I feel sorry for your balls that don't exist. Bronson made other cool flicks too: THE DIRTY DOZEN, ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST (there's this SMOKIN' HOT Italian chick in the movie and Bronson's character rips her blouse to reveal more cleavage and it's like 'What's greater: This chick's cleavage or the fact that Bronson is so cool to rip open her blouse and give us peeps a peek?'). Another coolass Bronson flick is MR. MAJESTYK . He doesn't kill a lot of people in the movie, but he's got so much FUCKING STYLE in this movie. Check out the poster on my photo section. See the cap my man's sporting? Kind of like Brian Johnson's trademark cap, huh? You see, REAL MEN are down with the same shit. That's why I sport a cap like that. Sometimes I'll be giving a girlie a little of the big gun treatment, and I'm buttass naked EXCEPT FOR THAT CAP!!! The girlies looooove that shit. For real! Sometimes I let them wear my cap...but only if they lather up THE BONE! And GOOD! If they bite it, I kick their ass.
Fuck TV!I've got all my Bronson flicks on DVD!!!
There's this ONE cool book written by a guy named Norman Mailer. It's called "An American Dream". I don't usually dig books, but this one is cool because it's BALLSY (like me)!!! It's about this crazy old dude who strangles his bitchy wife to death, then, and this is the BEST PART, he fucks this hot German maide. And guess what?! My man goes through the BACK DOOR!!! Hot damn! And while he's plugging this hot German maide hard and mean, his dead wife's body is still warm upstairs. Then later, he throws the dead body out of a window, pretends it was like a suicide and shit, and my man gets away with THAT SHIT! Plus, he makes this hot blonde lounge singer have an orgasm for the first time and he beats up her black pimp boyfriend! This book is REALLY INSANE! And it's BALLSY INSANE!!! If only most books were like this...!
Do I really need to tell ya?