"Anything is a waste of time unless you are fucking well or creating well or getting well or looming toward a kind of phantom-love-happiness." -Charles Bukowski
i am presently looming toward a kind of phantom-love-happiness.
i am a whole foods junkie.
i think that i'm the only person in the world who finds drew barrymore annoying. i can't stand her, or any movie that she's in.
i'm neurotic...er, crazy, but then again, i have a vagina. i guess that's like saying i am an elephant and i have a trunk.
i only smoke when i drink, and though i don't consider myself a smoker, i do consider myself a drinker.
i am a constant work in progress.
my mood changes along with the small hand of the clock.
i find myself secretly (and not so secretly) judging everybody, and i think it has something to do with waiting tables for the last ten years and seeing people at their worst.
i think that all magicians are gay, especially david blain. someone should tell him that being able to hold your breath for 8 minutes, or however long he's going for is not technically magic...hell it's not even interesting.
not unlike the cinnastacks at ihop, i too am luscious stacked on top of deliciousness.
i do one of the worst bill cosby impersonations (katie actually does the worst), but thankfully i am easily amused...with myself.
i wanted to marry pee-wee herman when i was little.
i laugh all of the time and even harder at the most inappropriate times.
my refrigerator is only used to store beer, wine, and leftovers that i have every intention of eating, but won't.
i'm a bit on the sarcastic side.
contrary to popular belief, i do have a soft side.
maxi pad commercials gross me out. why does that lady have to pour that blue liquid on it and then slap it all over herself to prove that it's dry? stop it. i'll take your word for it.
i'm not afraid to tell you what's on my mind.
i have the attention span of a gnat.
apparently i suck at spelling.
my house is almost always a mess.
i'm actually clean now...i even make my bed every morning.
i'm probably the clumsiest person you will ever meet- i'm the person that spills the wine on your brand new carpet. i trip over absolutely nothing. i'm not allowed to borrow anything, because chances are they will be returned to you broken. so...i apologize in advance.
when i dance i feel like steve martin in The Jerk, but i don't let that stop me.
