Damian profile picture

Damian

My name in the sand, my heart in my name

About Me

1. I don’t know where I begin and where I end. If I am a composite of memories, or this flesh, or both, or neither, or so much more, or so much less that to speak my own name a universe of particulars might open up it’s gaping mouth of stars and swallow me with its “what?” If I am now I am wearing nothing, naked in the quiet dark that is illuminated by pantry night-light and this computer screen. If I am the now that follows I am wearing jeans and a red t-shirt and my father is putting away the groceries and the wind is training the house to sing against the rain. My hair is growing and falling out at the same time, my beard only a shadow across jaw now, the rest of the follicles joining the mystery of piped water. My skin has shed itself as dust in countless rooms, in cars, in airplanes, against a dozen lovers’ breasts. Once, with these hands, I caught a newborn baby underwater, her eyes open in a smile of recognition as she looked through the water into my face and saw there the answer that has no words, the me that isn’t me. I know this because she told me about it just now, in these words that contain me and resurrect me and that cannot exist without you. Each word you read, cuts a cord, brings you closer, and breathes my name with its heartbeat. Listen. You cannot leave me now.2. If I die today, where will they put my words? Would they assemble them as furniture in a room overflowing with moonlight? Will they leave the window open for secret rendezvous? Will the lovers that meet there strip on a bed of my words; will they cry out in the pale acquaintance of skin on skin? Will they sweat mad pleasure, will they raise the dust that to the dust renounced all thought and meaning until something once far away and unattainable, knocks on the door in some awkward announcement of its arrival? Will they pull my words over them and hide? Will they look at each other for the first time, embarrassed of their discretion, remembering soberly the stupid passions that told them to meet this way? Will they tidy the room before they leave and discover the walls have ears, the bed a subjective imprint of how their bodies turned my words against them? Nothing will be the same. They can never really be together. The thing outside is waiting for an answer, and one of them must take the moon from the shelf and float out the window and the other must say, "I'll be right there. Hold on."

My Interests

The collocation of atoms is NOT accidental. Life has a will, it’s fate is in your hands. You learn how to chop an onion without chopping your finger. When on that rare occasion you slice through your own flesh, it’s not an accident. The knife is just trying to tell you something. It’s saying “look at your blood. Tomorrow it will be a story about yesterday and all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death.”

I'd like to meet:

I'd like to meet YOU. I would. Especially you. You above all others. Of course we could work on the setting. I'm reasonable. Romantic, maybe, in a drunk Sufi poet kind of way. I'll bring the wine. You bring the hashish. Under a large maple or bay or I suppose the best would be weeping willow. Who doesn't like willow trees? Next to a pond. Dragon flies of all colors and sizes flying about. I'm thinking that probably something would happen, we'd find something that would distract us from our original purpose of meeting, and we'd suddenly be thrust into the roles of partners. We'd have to investigate, or else react to the event in such a way as to leave the wine and hashish. We'd leave everything there under the tree and set off on an adventure that would give us volumes of material to share with others about. It would be the defining moment in our relationship, that first meeting, and everything about us would be an unfoldment of that time. Provided of course that we both survived and you didn't resent me for some foolish mistake that caused irreversible damage to your eyesight or the loss of a limb. In such a case our first meeting might well be our last and the rest of our lives would be an attempt to forget the awful events that took place. Either way, I am willing to take that risk. I am ready to meet you. Face to face. Virtually.

Music:

A crazy dervish once wrote: “Today, like every other day, we wake up empty and frightened. Don’t open the door to the study and begin reading. Take down a musical instrument.” Or, in my case, turn on the stereo and dance naked. Sometimes I get carried away and take my nakedness into the street, which is easy these days what with ipods getting smaller and smaller. I get weird looks and laughter, shaking my white ass to a beat no one other than me can hear, but when you look at the big picture, I’m absolutely convinced I am performing a public service. If you’ve never witnessed a naked man dancing to his own beat right out there on a good old public sidewalk, you don’t know what you’re missing. Think of how quickly all conversation would stop, all inner demon thoughts would evaporate. You’d be compelled to watch. You might not watch for long, but I guarantee, you will stop and take notice and tell others about it later. What was that guy thinking? He must be a looney. The cops will pick him up for sure, throw a towel around him and haul him to the station. Will he dance naked in his cell, with that same gleefull expression he had on the sidewalk? These are all things you may or may not think or talk to others about. If you’re prone to philosophical and or moral explorations, you may find yourself arguing how the innate trappings of clothes have forced us into a world of overly-sheltered conformity. That if more of us let ourselves go to such an extent that we found ourselves dancing naked in the street, we just might discover what real freedom is all about. Others I’m sure will argue that wearing clothes is a fine form of free expression, and that who wants to really see a pale skinny white guy with jerky interpretation of rhythm and dingleberries flapping from his ass. Especially if you’re in the middle of lunch. This argument might bring your idealism down to earth, and you’d probably smile in embarrassment, considering the reality of a bunch of naked people in a downtown mall, playing music for tips. Such things should never be allowed. There’s a reason we call it civilization. Yeah, I can see you might come around to that way of thinking, but you know what? It ain’t going to stop me from twirling my penis to Gnarls Barkley in front of Starbucks. This Friday on the corner of Fifth and Jackson, sometime around noon. After all, it’s what music is all about.

Movies:

I like movies

Television:

I don't like television

Books:

Minerva looks at the last book in her entire collection of books. It is no more or less significant a book to the others, it just happens to be the last in the box. The title: Buddha Boy; author: Kathe Koja. She doesn’t remember ever reading it and has less of a recollection in how it came into her possession. As she tosses it in the air she notices how Buddha Boy, a hard cover, flips open to land spread eagle, cover facing upwards, over two other books: The Heart of Darkness and Flow My Tears, The Policeman Said. She remembers those books well, and recognizes them without being able to see their titles. She had studied Heart her senior year in AP High School English, and once again as a Master’s student for a class in Deconstruction. Ian gifted her with flow my tears on her birthday two years ago. He had written a poem on the inside jacket. She has it memorized. “Only within the scaffolding of these extinct truths, only on the firm foundation of unyielding despair, can the soul’s habitation henceforth be safely built.” Although he claimed this verse as his own, Minerva had always suspected that Ian had lifted it from another source. “Henceforth” wasn’t a word she had ever heard him use before. Who speaks like that anyway? Nevertheless, the content was all Ian. Weren’t all his band’s songs basically about extinct truths and unyielding despair? And wasn’t his refusal to live in the real world – by say getting a job, or eating foods other than raman noodles, mac and cheese, all to be washed down by Jim Bean – a mere reflection of these values? And what about the book itself he had insisted she read even though science fiction bored her as a genre. She read it and yes, despite the less than crafted writing style, came to appreciate the bleak humanness of its themes. It certainly gave her insight on Ian, his paranoia about mankind’s inevitable journey towards an all-pervasive, interconnected web of alienation. How ironic that the sex between them would be so good. But, finally, enough is enough. One must, if one is to grow beyond one’s own limited worldview, do more than simply read about it. One must fucking shut up and DO. She couldn’t stomach Ian’s despair any longer, and if she wasn’t going to match it, she’d simply move on to another part of the country and find another man, or maybe even a woman. It didn’t matter. Manerva opens the box of wooden matches. She strikes the scarlet match head against the ash-colored surface on the side of the box and giggles like a twelve year old at the sight of the flame. What potential resides in the yellow heat at the end of a match. Just kneel, and graze the flame against paper, stand back and watch the pages throw up their smokey words to the blue, illiterate sky.

Heroes:

Marsupials are cool

My Blog

Promotion

1.Later that night he licks the sarcasm from the rim of the toilet. He brushes his teeth with gasoline. He lights his breath on fire, burning down the house, where his wife and children sleep. Throw...
Posted by Damian on Wed, 18 Jul 2007 07:21:00 PST

Invitation

In the morning of this poem a raven greeted me when I opened the front door. He was perched on the porch railing, steeling cat food. He poked his head up from the cat bowl and considered me with a sin...
Posted by Damian on Tue, 06 Jun 2006 12:44:00 PST

Universal Poet

The universal poet sits at his computer.  Each key stroke is a letter on a screen and a note to be heard before its read.  That's what the universal poet is thinking.  What he writes is...
Posted by Damian on Tue, 06 Jun 2006 12:39:00 PST

A Drupe

A drupe is a fleshy fruit like a peach or a plumb with a single hard stone that encloses a seed. To droop is to sag in rejection or exhaustion. Before its rejection from stem to earth the peach droop...
Posted by Damian on Tue, 06 Jun 2006 12:33:00 PST

Good Intentions

Sometimes I wish I had the power to save the day.  But what really is "the day?" And what does it need to be saved from?  Maybe it's the day's Karma not to be saved.  So leave me a...
Posted by Damian on Tue, 06 Jun 2006 12:35:00 PST

Head Lines

Head Lines   Foreigners paint most of the art that beautifies the wall, which Palestinians detest and Israelis find an effective security measure. (byline from San Francisco Chronicle 4/20/06) &n...
Posted by Damian on Tue, 02 May 2006 11:56:00 PST

after watching a movie about sylvia plath

In the flickering shade a spider web and me thinking about my reflection in the sliding glass door A dog barking like spears through the fog shatters my window of concentration who gives orders fears ...
Posted by Damian on Thu, 27 Apr 2006 02:58:00 PST

Ophelia returned

Ophelia returned from Burning Man with news: on the first day the dust overwhelms you.  On the second day you become one with the dust.  On the third day you are the dust. On the fourth day ...
Posted by Damian on Mon, 03 Apr 2006 11:06:00 PST

The Word

My forearm digs into the edge Of this dusty ply-wood table So I can write this sentence. Sleep will keep her promise With dreams I'll remember And recount to friends and perhaps Write about in this jo...
Posted by Damian on Sun, 26 Mar 2006 04:08:00 PST

Rehearsal

Rehearsal   I play a bit role, waiting for my scene which doesn't start until page twenty six.  And Lee doesn't have his lines so it's a long 26 pages.   I wait across the alley in the ...
Posted by Damian on Sat, 25 Mar 2006 03:08:00 PST