WHAT IS THE MOST PHYSICAL PAIN YOU HAVE EVER BEEN IN?
Psshhh… I sprinkle a little pain on my Wheaties for breakfast
DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE GUM WITH YOU?
Noooo… I'm SOOO that person who always asks for gum but never has it when other people ask
ARE YOU GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BI?
Straight as an Asian's hair
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE A GOOD KISSER?
I'm working on producing an instructional video as we speak
WOULD YOU SEVER YOUR OWN PINKY FINGER WITH A KNIFE FOR 10 MILLION DOLLARS?
Has someone been watching Four Rooms??
DO YOU THINK MIDGETS ARE CREEPY?
Midgets are rad and belong in heaven with God and the angels
DO YOU BELIEVE IN A HIGHER BEING?
You're reading her survey right now… bow down when I come to yo town…
BIG TRUCKS, LUXURY CARS, MOTOR CYCLES, OR FAST CARS?
I'm too much of a dirty hippie to justify wasting the world's natural resources and supporting George W. and his posse by investing money in the gas it takes to drive a big truck, but I think it would be so bad ass to have like a sparkly platinum Hummer H1 (I'm talkin' Arnold style, not the H2) covered in swarovski crystals sitting on 45" rims with a bomb ass system and a Jacuzzi in the back… the coolest thing about my Hummer though is that it would run on mayonnaise or something else gross, abundant, and useless (maybe mexicans? KIDDING!!). And it would have flame throwers for sure. I’d show everyone on PCH what’s up.
WHAT KIND OF SUNGLASSES DO YOU WEAR?
The ones I just bought… they make me feel like Madonna (or Esther, whatever…)
DOES YOUR LOCAL WATER TASTE GOOD?
Well, you’ve seen what the ocean looks like in Huntington Beach…
WHAT KIND OF PC DO YOU HAVE?
The Dell from hell. Hate it.
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU GOT SICK FROM DRINKING?
I don’t get sick anymore. I’ve alcoholically evolved. Now I just get blackout and take people’s hats without asking.
WHAT IS/WAS YOUR FAVORITE SCHOOL LUNCH?
I LOVE that ghetto macaroni and cheese they used to slop on your plate in elementary school… delish!
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BREAKFAST FOOD?
Some flapjacks at Cappy’s… served by the waitress with man hands, of course
WHAT IS THE OLDEST ITEM IN YOUR HOUSE?
My mom… just kidding. She’s the oldest item in HER house.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SO DRUNK YOU WET THE BED?
Surprisingly no. I did have a dream that I was tinkling in the sink when I was younger… you can guess how that turned out…
HAVE YOU EVER UNDERGONE SURGERY?
That's between me and Dr. Kent
WHEN YOU STUB YOUR TOE OR BUMP YOUR HEAD, WHAT DO YOU USUALLY SAY?
"Kelly Clarkson!!!!!!!!!"
DO YOU ENJOY MAKING PEOPLE FEEL STUPID?
No I don't, you fucking idiot.
WOULD YOU RATHER SKY DIVE OR BUNGEE JUMP?
Neither… I hate heights and if someone tried to make me, I would kick them in the throat
BEER?
I hear it flows like wine in Aspen
ARE YOU RACIST??
Only when I’m driving
LIBERAL, CONSERVATIVE, OR NEITHER?
Is anarchist considered liberal?
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PART OF YOUR BODY?
My liver… if I taught anatomy instead of sociology I would tell my class it's like the body's bouncer because it kicks all the drunk and disagreeable elements out
ARE YOU STILL THINKING ABOUT THE MIDGET QUESTION?
Yeah… and getting really horny while I'm at it… j slash k
IF AN ENTIRE STATE IN AMERICA WERE TO VANISH, WHICH DO YOU THINK WOULD NOT LIKELY BE MISSED?
"Delaware… we're in…Delaware"
HAVE YOU EVER FLUSHED A DECEASED PET DOWN THE TOILET?
Pee Wee the caterpillar met his maker and then a watery grave…
WHO ARE BETTER DRIVERS, MEN OR WOMEN?
Everyone sucks… except me of course
ARE YOU SEXIST?
No… I just want someone to make me dinner, clean up after me, and rub my feet while I sit in my lazy boy and watch “I Love New Yorkâ€â€¦ it can be a guy or girl for all I care
DO YOU KNOW YOUR SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER OFF THE TOP OF YOUR HEAD?
Yeah, it's… HA… Almost got me there! Sneaky ass survey…
DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE SAYING "OFF THE TOP OF YOUR HEAD" ORIGINATED?
During the French Revolution?
ERA OYU DYXLESIC?
Apparently
-RIGHT NOW-
last kiss: this morning at my boyfriend's house… with his roommate (only kidding babe ;)
last good cry: the daddy bear's funeral
last movie seen: Wayne's World ("Who's playing tonight?" "The Jolly Green Giants and the Shitty Beatles" "Are they any good?" "No, they suck" "So it's not just a clever name?" LOL)
last cuss word uttered: "shitfuckballs"
last beverage drank: Green teazy fo sheezy
last food consumed: a vicious blueberry bagel that is currently staging a revolt against my digestive system
last crush: Nigel on America’s Next Top Model. He is one fine hunk of man meat. Oooh and Clive Owen. Such a brute.
last time showered: That’s none of your god damn business and I’ll thank you to stay out of my personal affairs. Pervert.
last shoes worn: Velcro hot pink hi-tops… I wish
last cd played: IMA Robot
last annoyance: Having to fill up my car this morning for the bargain price of 3 million dollars per gallon
last disappointment: Not being able to remember the name of this AFI song I was going to download on limewire…
last soda drank: the coke in my rum & coke
I LOVE: rock n' roll
I HATE: you
I FEAR: carnies… you know, circus folk
I HOPE: the CEO’s of all the major petroleum companies contract herpes
I FEEL: good, duh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh…
I HIDE: my big black uncircumsized penis
I DRIVE: people crazy
I MISS: Chuck E. Cheese… I had a dream last week I was having my birthday party there and the place was all decked out with a bottle of Cristal on each table with everyone in evening gowns and tuxes. Lots of celebrities were there too. Paris Hilton showed up, but I had security throw her out cuz she was mad dogging me… not cool, Paris.
