Deputy Allen

I'd like to meet:

MITCHELL! YOU KNOW, THAT SUPERCOP THEY MADE A DOCUMIOGRAPHY THINGAMAWHATCHIT, THAT MOVIE ABOUT, WITH JOE BOB BAKER, HE IS PRETTY GOOD TOO BUT ONLY CUZ MITCHELL IS THE SHIZZNIRT D00D!! I'WULD GIVE UP HARD BOYLED EGGS 4 A HOLE WEEK 2 MEAT THAT SUPERD00D MITCHELLL!!!!!!! YAY MITHCLLE!!!!!!!

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: Beauregard Radcliffe Allen
Birthday: April 1, 1972
Birthplace: Townville
Current Location: Townville
Eye Color: Townville
Hair Color: Brown
Height: Six feet
Right Handed or Left Handed: Depends what direction I'm facing
Your Heritage: Townville
The Shoes You Wore Today: hurt! Too dang small
Your Weakness: Excessive awesomeness
Your Fears: Definitely NOT Bigfoot! (Movies lie!)
Your Perfect Pizza: With everything, and I mean EVERYTHING
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Test out the new gas chamber on that hoodlum Mark the Lumberjack
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: "Quit stalking me you psycho" - I've heard quite enough of that cliche, thank you
Thoughts First Waking Up: She looked way prettier last night
Your Best Physical Feature: Sideburns
Your Bedtime: Right after "Walker, Texas Ranger" is over
Your Most Missed Memory: That time we caught an outsider in Townville and beat his azz, that was fun. Outsiders are NOT welcome, but we love to bet the livin crap outta dem! Ironical ain't it?
Pepsi or Coke: We don't got them fancy-ass city slicker drinks here in Townville
MacDonalds or Burger King: Enough already! This is Townville, not New York Damn City!
Single or Group Dates: I focus my hot lovin on one lucky lady at a time
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Big Bury tea
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee: Coffee
Do you Smoke: Big fat cigars, dayyumm, good stuff
Do you Swear: See above
Do you Sing: Wait til you see me on American Idle and judge for your dayum self
Do you Shower Daily: Who's got the time to pump all that water, once a week is plenty for me
Have you Been in Love: No comment *sob*
Do you want to go to College: College is for dumasses who cant get real jobs policin or firefightin, I'm not a college loser, no thank you
Do you want to get Married: Hell yeah, but first I gotta find me a lady who loves me for my mind not just my body, easier said then done believe you me!
Do you belive in yourself: Uh no, I'm imaginary, I hate these dumass questions
Do you get Motion Sickness: The speed limit in Townville is 25 mph, so no I don't think so
Do you think you are Attractive: Stupidest question ever. Check out the sideburns! I'm a CHICK MAGNET
Are you a Health Freak: Hell yeah, I'm always exercisin, walking up and down Main street and wavin at cars, its a high energy lifestyle dayyum
Do you get along with your Parents: Whenever they ain't in jail for gettin drunk an shootin up the neighbors farm animals again, we get along ok. They got to learn to respect the LAW though. Dang hoodlums!
Do you like Thunderstorms: No, because they mean Chuck Norris is angry, and that is scary!
Do you play an Instrument: Contra Alto Bagpipes (old family tradition)
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: I live in Townville, you do the math
In the past month have you Smoked: Big fat cigars, see above
In the past month have you been on Drugs: No, cause then I'd have to arrest myself, which is NO fun, believe you me
In the past month have you gone on a Date: Hell yeah, I've dated tons of women, and if you say I didnt you're a LIAR, QUIT LYING
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: Townville. Duh.
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: I LOVE oreos! Especially with melted butter and salsa! YUM
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: Huh?
In the past month have you been on Stage: What?
In the past month have you been Dumped: Who?
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: That's also illegal hear in Townville, you PERV
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: Quit trying to trick me! Are you the FBI? NARC
Ever been Drunk: Not since this morning
Ever been called a Tease: WTF is that? Now your just making up words
Ever been Beaten up: Hell no, I'm like the HULK, don't mess with ME
Ever Shoplifted: I DEMAND A LAWYER
How do you want to Die: Definitely NOT being eaten by a Bigfoot! ANYTHING ELSE would be better!!!
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: I done did that and done got where I wanted
What country would you most like to Visit: For the last time, quit making up words! This quiz is stupid, I QUIT
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:
Favourite Hair Color:
Short or Long Hair:
Height:
Weight:
Best Clothing Style:
Number of Drugs I have taken:
Number of CDs I own:
Number of Piercings:
Number of Tattoos:
Number of things in my Past I Regret:

CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!
KWIZEZZ LIE!!!!! DON'OT TAIK THE KWIZEZ OER TGEY LIE AND THE LISE GOES ON UR PERMENANT RECOROD FOREVVR!!! NO FARE BOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

You Are a Jelly Donut
So you're a little rounder than most folks - but it's only in the right places! You're not a big fat pig, no matter what everyone in town says behind your back! Pack of liars; who needs them?
You maintain a clean exterior, even if you're a big tub of goo on the inside. Actually that's a lie; you're a complete mess on the outside too, you fat piece of crap. You think you're the best, but you're just an empty shell without your jelly! What Donut Are You?

You Are Olde English
Drinking is more than a hobby for you. It's your favorite drug. You are a totally degernerate alcoholic waste of life. When you drink, you want to get wasted. As quickly and cheaply as possible. Looking back on your best times drinking... well, you don't remember them at all. You may be a few brain cells short, but you still can chug a 40 without spilling most of it! What's Your Beer Personality?

You Failed 8th Grade Science
Congratulations, you got 0/8 correct. You are the greatest imbecile in the history of the universe (not to mention a complete douchebag). You should seriously consider killing yourself.SCRUW THIS THIS ST00PID KWIZ IS RIGD ANYWAY WHO CARES ABOUT ST00PID SCIENCE NO ONE NOS ALL THIS CRAP ST00PID AZZ UNFARE LIEING POLES SHUT UP!!!!! Could You Pass 8th Grade Science?

Music:

I'M DIVERSE, YO! I LISTEN TO BOTH KINDS OF MUSIC, COUNTRY AND WESTERN!!!YO LADIES! I GOT MADD KARIOKIE SKILLZZ!!! PEOPLE TELL ME I SING AS WILLIAM HUNG!! HE WAS "AMERICAN IDAL" YOU NOW!!!!

Movies:

MOVIES STINK CAUSE THEY ALWAYS MAKE THE COPS LOOK STOOPID I'AM CURENNTLY RITING A NEW SCREEN PLAY, "SMOKIE AND THE BANDIT PART 3, SMOKIE'S REVENGE", WHERE SMOKIE FNALY CATCHES THAT BERT RENNALDS JERK AND BEATS THE CRAP OUTTA HIM FOR LIKE 90 MINUTES STRAIT!!! NOW THAT'S A MOVIE!!!!

THE ONLY GOOD MOVIE IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE UNIVERSE IS "LUMBERJACK OF ALL TRADES", CAUSE IT'S A DOCUMENTARY ABOUT ME!!!! (NOT SURE WHY THEY CALL ME A LUMBERJACK, THEY PROBLY GOT ME CONFUSED WITH THAT DUMMY MARK, IM THE REEL HERO OF THE MOVIE EXCEPT FOR WHERE BIGFOOT GOT LUCKY CAUSE THE SUN GOT IN MY EYES AND I GOT DISTRACTED BY A SOLAR ECLIPSE OR SOMETHING OR ELSE HE'D HAVE HAD NO CHANCE! BUT STILL ITS A GOOD MOVIE YOU SHOULD SEE IT!
[ Lumberjack of All Trades movie website ]
FILM TRAILOR!!!!! WATCH IT YOU!!!!! THE LUMBERJACK OF ALL TRADES

Television:

I WATCH THE DUCKS OF HAZARD SO I CAN FANTASTASIZE BOUT CATCHING THEM DUCK BOYS AND RINGING THEIR GOLDARN NECKS LIKE THEY DESERVE!!! DAISY DUCK IS CUTE THO, I'D LET HER DO ME AFTER TAKIN CARE OF THOSE STUPIDAZZ DUCK BOYS AND THEIR DUMASS ADMIRAL LEE CAR!!!!! WHO THE CRAP IS ADMIRAL LEE ANYWAY, STUPID DUCK BOYS!!!!!

Books:

I'AM NOT ONE OF THOSE PHONYS WHO HAS BOOKS ALL OVER THE HOUSE AND PRETENDS HE READS THEM! YEAH RIGHT! NOBODY READS BOOKS, THEY ARE BORING AND STOOPID, Y WUD U READ WHEN THE GOOD ONES GET MADE INTO MOVIES ANYWAY!!! YEAH RIGHT!!!!! IF YOU SAY YOU READ BOOKS YOU ARE A BIG LIAR AND SHOULD BE IN JALE!!!!! BOOKS, PUULLEEEEEEZZEEEEE!!!!!!1111!1

Heroes:

CLINT EASTWOULD IS MY ALLTIME HERO, DIRTY HARRY IS AWESOME (I LIED BEFORE, CLINTS MOVIES ARE PRETTY GOOD TOO I GUESS, EXCEPT WHERE HARRY'S BOSS YELLS AT HIM FOR VIOLATING 'CIVLE RITES', WHATEVER THOSE ARE, STUPID CRIMINALS JUST SHOOT EM FOR CRISSAKE, MOVIE SHOULDA ONLY BEEN FIFTEN MINUTES LONG BUT WHATEVER, YOU FEEL LUCKY DO YA PUNK IS AN AWESOME LINE SO IT'IS OK!!!! LOOK AT MY PHOTOS FOR MY KICKAZZ CLINT EASTWOULD IMPRESSION IT IS SOOO AWESOME YOULL BE TOTALLY SCARED IF YOU'ARE A CRIMINAL!!!!!