Soldier Hatchet High

Minions List

1. Kasey
2. Acid Hack
3. Adam Bomb
4. DRAKO
5. Ryan
6. George (my MetallicA loving friend)
7. Ryan T
8. Rage Death
9. Hoof
10. Crazy
11. Jimmy
12. Kryptic
13. Chris

AIM yo!
RedX6XruM
1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.2. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.3. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.4. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.5. Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No Asian Chicks.6. Takeru Kobayashi ate 50 and a half hotdogs in 12 minutes. Chuck Norris ate 12 asian babies in 50 and a half minutes. Chuck Norris won.7. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.8. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.9. huck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.10. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.11. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"12. Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids.13. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.14. When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."15. Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong.16. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".17. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.18. In one episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced Carlton for one scene and nobody noticed.19. Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.20. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.21. Chuck Norris punched a woman in the vagina when she didn't give him exact change.22. Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife.23. Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.24. Chuck Norris has every copy of National Geographic in his basement. He also has the ability to lift every single one of them at once.25. Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and shit on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris.26. Chuck Norris ruins the endings of Harry Potter books for children who just bought one for the hell of it. When they start crying Chuck Norris calmly says, "I'll give you something to cry about," and roundhouse kicks them in the face.27. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.28. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.29. Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the shit out of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill.30. Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger, it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris round house kicked in the face that day. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.31. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.32. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.33. Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.34. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.35. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.36. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.37. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.38. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.39. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.40. Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.41. Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.42. There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.43. Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.44. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.45. Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.46. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.47. Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost48. Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.49. Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

The Sonnet of HanzelHanzel Who is Hanzel?!Hanzel is a man Of heroic power Who saved a single village From the feared dragon Righdon Righdon was the most feared of dragons But Hanzel saved the world From Righdon And so the people rejoiced And told stories to their children's children And will forever speak the name...Hanzel He has beautiful flowing locks Much like that of Fabio And his eyes are that of the deep blue, of the deepest depths of the ocean And they stare off into the abyss His wise eyes Tell stories that one could not dare to speak The words Bigger than any one man can comprehend No one dares say his middle name Because it is soo long, it would take a mere mortal ten years to announce the first half of the name Like the man at the quickie mart They simply know him as...Hanzel His perfectly toned muscles Shimmer in the moonlight And all the women are driven mad simply by his scent And pulsating nipples His beauty can only be matched by a g-hirraffe in heat He is soo large that his sunscreen is made out of babies...SPF salty And so...on his long and blunderous voyage He ran into a lion...a cheetah...and a bear holding a shark The lion gave him great wisdom The cheetah gave him agility And the bear holding a shark ate his lunch And so Hanzel Slaughtered the bear holding the shark and had surf and turf And while he ate his meal of many miles of intestines he said "HUZZAH!" to the people of the town And since they were soo starved because Righdon ate all their food Hanzel ate it nice and slow so they can watch him savor the every taste As he described how it lusciously squirted in his mouth Much like when he was in prison for attacking a peace officer with a harpoon that one night when he was drunk Hahaha I said poon And so Hanzel Went on with his quest living life As a god to all the people Because he, with his flowing Fabio locks, was the greatest man WHO EVER LIVED! And that, my children, That is how hott Hanzel is