Spider Jerusalem - ProfilesArchive

About Me

Hi. I'm Spider Jerusalem. I smoke. I take drugs. I drink. I wash every six weeks. I masturbate constantly and fling my steaming poison semen down from my window into your hair and food. I'm a rich and respected columnist for a major metropolitan newspaper. I live with two beautiful women in the city's most expensive and select community. Being a bastard works.

My Interests

Jumpstart, Dead Dogs, Monkey Burgers, Dolphin Steaks, My Mountain Cabins, Bowel Disruptors, Long Pig, Source Gas, Carcinoma Angels, Caribou Eyes, Wheat Beer, Ellis Brand Whiskey, G-Readers, Avoiding the Whorehopper, Fucking with The Beast.

I'd like to meet:

Thieves, the goddamn lot of you! Thieves and leeches! Fucking vampires sucking the will from people whose only goddamn crimes were to be frightened and tired! And you don't help them! You don't listen to them! They get no truth from you! All you do is scare them with stories of something that doesn't exist! And you bastards are winning! Hundreds more of you every day!

Music:

CFC, Dingo Baby Leclerc

Movies:

Mace, Chandra, Violent Pagan, Once in Bloody England, Die Bastard Vicar Die, Big Cold London Gunman

Television:

Sumo Wrestling, Sex Puppets, Anthrax Cat, CPD Live, JFK's Magic Penis, Tracheotomy Friends, Republican Party Reservation Compound, Anything for Drugs, Head Mining

Books:

Fear and Loathing, Confederacy of Dunces,

Heroes:

H.L. Mencken, Spider Robinson, HST, Uncle Duke, Thierry Nguyen

My Blog

Zealot

So this Zealot comes to my door, all glazed eyes and clean reproductive organs, asking me if I ever think about God. So I tell him I killed God. I tracked God down like a rabid dog, hacked off his le...
Posted by Spider Jerusalem on Thu, 26 Jan 2006 02:04:00 PST

Justice

When they're not around, I put the TV on. Purely out of curiosity, you understand. Up here, we can snatch some forty thousand channels out of the air. Most of them, of course, are still showing CSI an...
Posted by Spider Jerusalem on Tue, 24 Jan 2006 04:24:00 PST

Drugs

Did you ever want to set someone's head on fire, just to see what it looked like? Did you ever stand in the street and think to yourself, I could make that nun go blind just by giving her a kiss? Did ...
Posted by Spider Jerusalem on Tue, 24 Jan 2006 04:23:00 PST

"God"

Yeah. I'm calling your "faith" bullshit. This man needs medical help if he can't get through his life without something invisible to believe in. Y'know, I wouldn't mind all this half so much if there ...
Posted by Spider Jerusalem on Tue, 24 Jan 2006 04:21:00 PST

Voting

You want to know about voting. I'm here to tell you about voting. Imagine you're locked in a huge underground nightclub filled with sinners, whores, freaks and unnameable things that rape pit bulls fo...
Posted by Spider Jerusalem on Tue, 24 Jan 2006 04:20:00 PST

Monoculture

That's what a monoculture is. It's everywhere, and it's all the same. And it takes up alien cultures and digests them and shits them out in a homogenous building-block shape that fits seamlessly into ...
Posted by Spider Jerusalem on Tue, 24 Jan 2006 04:20:00 PST