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I do not know what I have done, I do not know what I have said. Everytime I speak my words are a blur and it is as if no one hears anything. I try to speak but you do not hear but of course your mind is on gettin that high. Hello I am here right in front of you, but it is to late your are already walking out the door. You are frustrated today so I will stand out of your way. So maybe someday God will guide you show you recovery so you can walk my way.shannonI wake up every morning watching the sun begin to rise, I think of all the years that have went by, and how I have become more wise.
All my life I have searched for happiness, and a little bit of success. But with the drugs and alcohol it turned into quite the mess.
The months have went by, the days feels like years,
As I began a month of treatment, full of laughter anger and tears.
Such emotions ran through my body, As I walked into this strange place, I knew it was than it was my addiction I would have to face.
shannon?
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Please don't leave me now, I feel your love move within me, I want you to stay for all the world to see,
Little one, please stay within my womb so I can give you the strength that you need, and do not that god take you away from me.
Grasp on to mommy tight and everything will be alright it isn't time for you to go now it is time for you to stay,
Someday you will finally meet your daddy, I do not know when or what he will have to say.
But you were to little not strong enough to fight,
and I know that someday daddy and I will hold your hand when we meet you upon that special light.
So stay strong my beautiful child, for it won't be for awhile, and remember for always your mommy and daddy only want to see you smile.
So when we meet upon that golden gate, it wasn't your parents that made any mistakes,
God intrusted himself and took your soul, and made your fate.
But until we meet again only time will tell, please reach your tiny hand to us, and show us your tiny little smile, because for everyday we think of you our dear sweet child.
shannon 2007
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I have many interest's in life but my main interest is my girls in giving them a lifetime full of happiness and a stable and secure home. For years of being married I to a man I never really knew I guess you could say and sucked the life right out of me, I never thought today I would find someone who ment the world to me. That I have my bestfriend of 10 years has become my life and treats my girls as his own there is no doubt there. In any relationship you have your ups and downs but when you are able to focus and get through those challenges together the interest in that is pretty overwhelming. Myself my main interest is learning to love again in a respectful manor and knowing that my past is my past and not to relive it and drag myself down. My divorce well that is still on going dam wish it was over but after the storm comes the rainbow, and it is yours for the taking if you chose to live in the past or go forward and I today am going towards living in today and looking foward to a beautiful future. CHEERS
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Music:
Imbeded in the snow
The snow begins to fall again, as I feel such coldness over whelm me,Thinking of how things used to be, and as a child I was never set freeThe visions of white reflect upon my soul,leaving my mind a blur and my heart so cold.
I have looked out my window a million times, to see if your foot prints are imbeded in the snow.
I still havn't havn't accepted it was time for you to go!
shannon
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Movies:
Quickly rushin to find away out, Clearing my mind without any doubt. Loading trucks leaving what was your and taking the rest. You see my dear friend me leaving with my girls was not a test. They say sometimes life is never as it seems, But I have to much to lose and I want to fullfill my girls dreams. Never wanted to say good-bye, But all that comes out of you is a lie. Don't question my life, look upon your own. Because by the Grace of God there go I. I have seen many people die or endup with an addiction they can not beat, finding Themselves with nothing running from place to place or just sell themselves on the street. Role up your sleeves tell me what you see, Could you really tell me that is what you wanna be. This addiction has taken over your soul, Now you have nothing left "What is your goal". You lost your wife and children over a very selfish addiction, Do you even know what happened do you have any recollection. Love dys with the lys of an addiction that takes over your whole been. I never gave up on you my friend you just couldn't stay sober when all I wanted was for you to be free and clean. It didn't mean you loved me and the girls any less, But your addiciton turned into a horrible mess. It is time to say good-bye we have been seperated for year, I can not cry anymore this body had not one tear to cry. You are now everything you wished you would be, Free of me, I am no longer there to pretend a perfect life, that never existed. I used to walk around with my eyes closed tight. But I am done now I am my own person and I will never surrender the fight. As long as my girls are protected I will sleep tonight, Kiss them and hug them assuring them there safe as I turn out the light!shannon
Blue October-"Hate Me"
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Television:
HAVING GOD WATCH OVER MY GIRLS AND PROTECTING US ON OUR LONG JOURNEY OF LIFE AND FULLFILLING THOSE GOALS AND BEING THE BEST MOTHER I CAN BE XOXOXOX avril lavigne-nobodys home
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WHERE HAVE YOU GONEWhere have you gone
You walked away upon
the rising of the sun.Where are you now,
I never wanted to let you
down, I need to try and
fix you some how.Morning is waiting for
you to return, All that you
need is to find you way back
from your mistake just learn.Forgive me if don't have the
right words to say,
When everytime you leave
it is not only for one day.Forgive me if I am tired
of awaiting for you to come
back to me one day,
As I watch it all slip away.It won't be long until you
open your eyes, just stop
for a minute God will help
you find your way.shannon
Books:
Evenescence My Imortal
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Add to My Profile | More Videos As I sit here reflecting on upon my past, I begin to realize if I sit here and dwell all of the hurt will last. It is all up to me to go forward and move on, To let go of the pain stop being the victim,this day shall be gone. The tears of Yesturday have faded away, The anger of today had faded within the sun, the dreams of tomorrow are forever within my heart to stay. by:shannonThis was written by a young girl who was in jail for drug charges, And was addicted to meth. She wrote this while in jail. As you will soon read, she fully grasped the horrors of the drug, as she tells in this simple, yet Profound poem. She was released from jail, but, true to her story, the drug owned her. They found her dead not long after, with the needle still in her arm. Please keep praying. This thing is worse than any of us realize...My Name Is MethI destroy homes, I tear families apart,
I take your children, and that's just the start.
I'm more costly than diamonds, more precious than gold,
The sorrow I bring is a sight to behold.
If you need me, remember I'm easily found,
I live all around you - in schools and in town
I live with the rich, I live with the poor,
I live down the street, and maybe next door.
I'm made in a lab, but not like you think,
I can be made under the kitchen sink.
In your child's closet, and even in the woods,
If this scares you to death, well it certainly should.
I have many names, but there's one you know best,
I'm sure you've heard of me, my name is crystal meth.
My power is awesome, try me you'll see,
But if you do, you may never break free.
Just try me once and I might let you go,
But try me twice, and I'll own your soul.
When I possess you, you'll steal and you'll lie,
You do what you have to -- just to get high.
The crimes you'll commit for my narcotic charms
Will be worth the pleasure you'll feel in your arms.
You'll lie to your mother, you'll steal from your dad,
When you see their tears, you should feel sad.
But you'll forget your morals and how you were raised,
I'll be your conscience, I'll teach you my ways.
I take kids from parents, and parents from kids,
I turn people from God, and separate friends.
I'll take everything from you, your looks and your pride,
I'll be with you always -- right by your side.
You'll give up everything - your family, your home,
Your friends, your money, then you'll be alone.
I'll take and take, till you have nothing more to give,
When I'm finished with you, you'll be lucky to live.
If you try me be warned - this is no game,
If given the chance, I'll drive you insane.
I'll ravish your body, I'll control your mind,
I'll own you completely, your soul will be mine.
The nightmares I'll give you while lying in bed,
The voices you'll hear, from inside your head.
The sweats, the shakes, the visions you'll see,
I want you to know, these are all gifts from me.
But then it's too late, and you'll know in your heart,
That you are mine, and we shall not part.
You'll regret that you tried me, they always do,
But you came to me, not I to you.
You knew this would happen, many times you were told,
But you challenged my power, and chose to be bold.
You could have said no, and just walked away,
If you could live that day over, now what would you say?
I'll be your master, you will be my slave,
I'll even go with you, when you go to your grave.
Now that you have met me, what will you do?
Will you try me or not? It's all up to you.
I can bring you more misery than words can tell,
Come take my hand, let me lead you to hell.
Heroes:
| View Show | Create Your Own GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE PEOPLE I CAN NOT CHANGE, THE COURGAGE TO ACCEPT THE ONES I CAN, AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THAT THAT PERSON IS ME.
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I Planted a seed in hopes it would grow tall, Knowing it would wilt and die come fall. I attempted to change my life in hope for better days, But strange enough as the seasons change, I am finding it harder in many different way's. Somtimes I feel so sad and alone, that I force this fake smile upon my face,hoping that when I reopen my eyes I am in a better place.Shannon"http://www.photocasket.com"
Sometimes I wonder where I would be now
reflect upon a past I would rather not look
at, or take blame for,Today I know what I had done then,
at that time I just want to turn back
time and reopen that door.In life I have learnt there are only
two garantee's life and death and
one is never turning back time,When I reflect upon the past I
feel many feelings sadness, happiness,
regret and many other emotions, I wish
I could go back and fix time.There is no greater hurt than losing
someone you love so deep within your
heart,But no matter what, there is never an
explanation nor a chance to say
good-bye, the hurt comes down to
the LETTING GO part.Is there such exsistance of letting go,
to someone you love with all of
your soul, when you feel his hand
slipping away so fast.Never searching for tomorrow, or
thinking of yesturday, when holding
on to that one moment that could be
your last.Sharing laughter, goodtimes and bad,
looking into his eyes knowing how much
he loved me,Remembering the voice that always
cheered you up when things never
seemed right to me,Having him hold me when I would cry,
showing me a greater life, and telling me
of a heart of sadness, that life was greater
to live than die.I wish upon that year over and over
again within my head, just wanting
to hold you once more and say
good-bye.But all I could do is sit there and cry,
with the thought of you began to tare
me up inside, I just lived within a lie.I am strong when you are near, I am
proud to say that you loved me,
and no matter where you are today
your love will always belong only not
for the world to see.The medication just eases the pain,
the thoughts of you make me feel so
much that my strength I can not regain.Could you please come back to me, just
for one moment even if it is in my dreams,
so this sadness will no longer remain.I close my eyes as I see you smile back
at me, but it is not the same, I wanted more
time but it all came to an end so fast.I keep pretending to myself that I have
completely let you go, I feel today as if
I let you down.Replaced you with a life of make
belief, making you see what I only
wanted you and others to see,When really all I have done is sit
within my home alone full of grief.If I could wish upon a star, and it
could come true,
My only wish would be to hold you
once again and tell you how much
I truly loved you.shannon
