The WarmthI'd like to close my eyes and go numb
But there's a cold wind coming from
The top of the highest high-rise today
It's not a breeze cause' it blows hard
Yes, and it wants me to discard the humanity I know
Watch the warmth blow awayDo you think I should adhere to that pressing new frontier?
And leave in my wake a trail of fear?
Or should I hold my head up high
And throw a wrench and spokes by
Leaving the air behind me clear?Don't let the world bring you down
Not everyone here is that fucked up and cold
Remember why you came
And while you're alive
Experience the warmth before you grow old
Sooo my name is Svetlana,
Since the show I've been traveling a great deal and have taken a lot of time to evaluate myself. I don't watch my show (RW Key West) so I don't comment about each episode here, but I love hearing what other people have to say about it. The show is highly edited, but nothing is fabricated -- its mostly just exaggerated. It’s hard to watch yourself in pain when you feel happy and things are well, so that's a main reason for why I don't watch it. Truth be told, I was miserable every second I was in key west-- there’s nothing fun about MY experience but my life since is the ultimate blessing and is what I am most grateful for because of the show. I have changed so much, and I only hope that the people who try out have intentions to change as people and see themselves in a way that will change their life forever.
I am a new person that is constantly learning. I'm immature at times and i don't think before i speak, but i recognize that and make daily efforts to be a better person. I'm also a horrible speller simply because I’m insecure about it lol I used to be a phenomenal speller but I’ve fallen out of touch with my talent thanks to spellcheck. I'm super outgoing, I catch myself and call myself out especially if I judge someone. I'm a biology major and i can admit that I don't call myself a pre-med major anymore because people don't take it seriously. i get why though. Even though I'm Jewish, I'm a total closeted kitchen nazi-- I refuse any help when I'm doing something that I'm convinced I'm good at especially when I want you to love it. I love to cook. I love cars and motorcycles. I'm really masculine and I'm absolutely obsessed with being gangsta.
My life's biggest struggle, among many, is dealing with the fact that I look like a Jewish princess while I am and have always been the complete opposite. The constant justification process I go through is why i have almost no girlfriends. I'm always that chick with all the dudes, that's a bad thing for all you skeets (ref. courtney BGU) who think its cool to roll with dudes & act all stupid like they aren't trying to smash---bang your head against the wall and scream "REALITY!" until it hits you. I speak my mind but have trouble defending myself verbally. I can imitate almost any one and any time i meet someone, within the first 30 seconds of meeting them i determine whether or not i want to imitate them, and if i decide i do, I’m already doing it in my head. I'm so fucking sensitive, i can dish it out but i have trouble taking it. I like to talk to people i find interesting and i have a constant paranoia that I annouy people. I can't tolerate anyone saying anything about my family. It’s a true sickness, even compliments piss me off, just refrain from any talk of them -- I’m extremely defensive and i really can't take a joke sometimes. People think I’m materialistic and that I’m a spoiled brat and…honestly… it makes me laugh with anger but people don't really understand exactly why I react that way. Perhaps its because of the bitterness I have towards my parents for being so successful but raising me like a son rather than a daughter. But regardless, it's none of your concern. I like to spend MY money just like everyone else does but because my parents are hard workers and instilled the same in me, people assume life was handed to me on a silver platter. Lets just get this out there once & for all, I was raised to be a successful individual both financially and in life in general. My parents are far from normal cookie-cutter parents but I’ve come to realize that every family has its own shit, no one is perfect and we are all direct results of our up-bringing so when people watch my show and judge me I feel sad for them that they not only judge someone from a show on MTV but that this is what occupies their minds and i fear that these people will never be able to change, but that honestly lasts about 5 minutes until i realize I dont five a shit... I enjoy life, I love working and making money, I go for quality & not quantity. I believe in enjoying life and seeing the finer things it has to offer – so excuse me when I say that who ever thinks I’m a spoiled brat can stick their bitter opinion up their ass and should maybe redirect their anger towards changing their life instead of hating on my accomplishments. Of course life is hard and shit happens to some and maybe not to others but judging and assuming when you don’t even realize why you’re doing it, is completely unacceptable. Deal with your own problems before you start trying to cause them elsewhere. My pet peeves are hypocrites, manipulators and conniving people because they are unintelligent cowardly people disguising themselves as intelligent people who are bored. The smart ones are up from about their thoughts & decisions..not cowards who hide behind their own disgusting dark skeletons. I honestly believe these individuals waste my air and are totally useless especially when they act this way to people who mean them no harm.
I'm often underestimated.
I'm a strong person with my ditz moments but my true intentions are always good...I have horrible control issues, and I'm convinced I can change people because of my issues. I'm too emotional, but I'm now less dramatic. But still rediculously undecisive.
The greatest thing you will ever learn about me is that I can do absolutely anything in this world if I set my mind to it, and do it better than anyone else. I try to instill that in everyone I care about because it is the truth and if you don't believe it then why are you living? average is suicide.
I believe in people and that they will change & become better, but not only is it not my place to judge, there comes a point where i find myself walking away and telling myself that its between them and G-d. But other than the obvious -- I'm a textbook pleaser who's constantly dancing and laughing at my own jokes. Please excuse the grammatical errors in my verbal diarrhea above.Kiss kiss
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