Chef Assassin profile picture

Chef Assassin

I am here for Friends

About Me

I hate your babies daddy and your moms, because I believe that to be the typical thing to do since that is what I am equated to. I also hate you and your ugly little dog and unicorns but love me some circus peanuts and a fat bottle of Wild Turkey. I really hope someone out there likes me. Without The MySpace approval I might cease to exist except in my own mind. I need validation all of the time. Love ME!!! I have the best taste of music, movies and literature and you, yes you, you know who you are, just are paltry at best.Seriously... My Chef's knife is sharper than yours and my dullest butter knife scoffs at your Wustoff bitches. I cook for a living, pirate by nature...

My Interests

Cooking, reading, and writing...and smoking, although I need to quit (I will Snarky). Cooking needs a good soundtrack behind it. Music is a necessity, not that I can play, I just love me some new tunes, it's my crack. And taking those picture things with that stuff - you know - film. They still do make that. Wandering around LA looking for something different and interesting, Fuck Fodors tour guide, You need LA Bizarro. World War II anything - The last justifiable war.

I'd like to meet:

I'd like to meet a syphilitic paraplegic albino leper that thinks we are living in the days of pirates and dinosaurs. I could be more specific, but generalities will have to suffice for now...ho hum.*Important Update*I guess I wasn't that picky after all.

Music:

Johnny Cash, KMFDM, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Gogol Bordello, Fishbone, Radiohead, Igor spectre, Killola, Bootsy Collins, Placebo, Run DMC, Common, Bushwick Bill, Gnarls Barkley, Blur, Gorrillaz, MeatPuppets, The Knitters, X, Europe, Echo and The Bunnymen, Johnny Thunder, Greyboy, Bikini Kill, The Queers, The Damned, The Fall, The Cars, Eminem,The Hellacopters, Morphine, Public Enemy, John Tesh, Q-tip, Lyrics Born, Blackalicious, The Horrors, Slick Idiot, PIG, Mose Giganticus, Screaming Lord Sutch,, Ministry, Skinny Puppy, Anthrax, The Walkmen, Nick Drake, Ray LaMontagne, The Crazy World of Arthur Brown, DJ Shadow, Dan EFX, At the Drive-In, Sparta, A Tribe Called Quest, Animals, Clinic, TV on the Radio, Clinic, The Flaming Lips, Leonard Cohen, INXS, Mos Def, Foetus, Death From Above 1979, Yanni, Queens of the Stone Age, Kula Shaker, The Isley Brothers, Praxis, Axiom Funk, Peter Gabriel, Gramm Rabbit, Bill Laswell, Vernon Reid, Cajmere, Black Sabbath, DEVO, The Clash, Bad Boy Bill, The Circle Jerks, Butthole Surfers, Kenna, Johnny Clarke, EPMD, Gang Starr, Body count, Sly and the Family Stone, The Pixies, Joseph Arthur, The Rolling Stones, NERD, Etc. Etc.Etc.

Movies:

Fight Club, Ruben and Ed, Memento, Kill Bill, The Station Agent, Happiness, Dirty Filthy Love, Boondock Saints, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Lost Highway, Citizen Kane, Delicatessen, 28 Days Later, Goodfellas, Existenz, 300, Man Bites Dog, Psychos in Love (I hate F#%$ing Grapes!!!), Deep Red, Menace II Society, Planet Terror, but not Death Proof (Snore), The Manchurian Candidate(Both)All Rudy Ray Moore movies. Dolemite! Black Sampson, They Live, Escape from New York, Army of Darkness, Escape from New York, Death Race 2000, The Dirty Dozen, The Lady from Shanghai, Menace II Society,Let Sleeping Corpses Lie, Il Sorpasso, Cool Hand Luke, The Machinist, Devil In A Blue Dress, Blood Simple, The Big Lebowski, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Being John Malkovich, Delicatessen, Das Experiment, Demons, Myra Brekenridge, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Ammores Perros, City of God, The Presidents Analyst, V for Vendetta, Das Experiment, House of Fools, 13 Moons, Cape Fear (Original & Re-make), Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte, 1984, The Devils Backbone, Death Wish - every last one. Can't Stop The Music, Riding the Bus With My Sister, Susperia, Phenomena, Cemetery Man, A History of Violence, What Ever Happened to Baby Jane, Mildred Pierce, The Bourne Series.

Television:

Lost, Curb your Enthusiasm, ATHF, Cops, Countdown with Keith Olberman, Now with Bill Moyers, The Kids in the Hall, Hells Kitchen, Kitchen Nightmares, Wanderlust (albeit brief),Mad Men, Beverly Hills 90210, Big Love, The Shield, The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, The Simpsons, No reservations, Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe, Nip/Tuck, Late Night with Conan O'Brien, The History channel, Lydia's Italy, Jacques Pepin, Mythbusters, Any Documentary on WWII - If it's on, I watch. The A-Team, The Twilight Zone (original), MST 3000, etc.And as much crappy news I can get on TV, even FOX, it makes me laugh me arse off.

Books:

Lullaby, Invisible Monsters, Rant: An Oral History of Buster Casey, Haunted, Choke, Fight Club and Diary - Chuck Palahniuk. Cat's Cradle, Slaughter House Five, Anyhting Kurt Vonnegut. Catcher in the Rye, Franny and Zooey, Salinger. Glamorama - Brett Easton Ellis. Thomas Spanbauer, Flannery O'Connor, John Steinbeck, Grant Morrison, George Orwell, Scott Smith, Tom Robbins, Phillip K. Dick, Robert Crais: LA Requiem,The Last Detective,Sunset Express, etc. Devil in a blue Dress (Walter Mosley) Just to name a few.

Heroes:

Vick Mackey, Tyler Durden - if he were real. Kurt Vonnegut, Robert Rodriquez, Bill Clinton, Mouse, Chuck Palahniuk, And all of the soldiers in the Allied Forces of WW2, especially Easy Company, Steve Gutenberg, Ricky Ho, Julia Child, Anthony Bourdain, Keith Olberman, Danny Trejo, Lucille Ball, Christopher Nolan, and Fatty Arbuckle, and your fat momma with type 2,3 and 4 diabetes. Stop with the supersizing! A diet coke is not diet food dumbass!

My Blog

To My Birthday girl

     For once I thought I would leave the pissed off and irate normal nature of myself for a kinder more gentle demeanor& ok, that was even a stretch for me, but I will be absolute...
Posted by Chef Assassin on Wed, 10 Oct 2007 12:03:00 PST

Eat a Bowl of Dicks Awards  Round 1

   So this asshole Sean Penn went to New Orleans to "help". He had a 30 person film crew taking up boats that could have been used to rescue people. Instead, Sean had to make sure  on fil...
Posted by Chef Assassin on Mon, 08 Oct 2007 02:49:00 PST

Anas Story  File under non-fiction

        Say you were diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. You'd want to learn every possible thing about it and what could be done to live as comfortably as possible for ...
Posted by Chef Assassin on Sun, 30 Sep 2007 05:22:00 PST

KEYR-geez-stan

     That's Kyrgyzstan to you and I. The phonetics is for that bastion of freedom and religion and democracy -- the smirking chimp  George Dubya.    On Tuesday, monkey...
Posted by Chef Assassin on Fri, 28 Sep 2007 11:34:00 PST

Whats being re-made now?

What's not is the question. The ineptitude of Hollywood to try and utilize original material is quite a sad state of affairs. The ratio of movies and TV shows being re-made is just mind numbing. Just ...
Posted by Chef Assassin on Thu, 27 Sep 2007 03:26:00 PST

Its that time of year again. Oh Goodie! New Fall Programming!

Do you remember Cop Rock? If not, very understandable. It aired twice before being canceled. For shame, it was a novel approach to ratings suicide. Executives at ABC believed Cop Rock was going to ...
Posted by Chef Assassin on Tue, 25 Sep 2007 04:25:00 PST

Hi, I killed both of you. But $6,000,000 says I didnt.

But you did you murdering fuck! It costs $6,000,000 to kill two people in this country and get away with it. Guess that makes it $3,000,000 a head. Or near lack thereof. Oh that wacky O.J. is at it ...
Posted by Chef Assassin on Fri, 14 Sep 2007 01:00:00 PST

Now thats style!

When one ponders the thought of taking their own life, what are the ways to do it? Gun - quick and near painless I guess. Wouldn't know, don't own a gun. Pills and booze - sounds like a fun way to go....
Posted by Chef Assassin on Thu, 13 Sep 2007 05:05:00 PST

Vaffanculo Day!!!

  Perhaps the U.S. citizens should take a note from an Italian comedian, one Beppe Grillo. "Why should we listen to a comedian? They possess no abilities in the political arena."   In ...
Posted by Chef Assassin on Mon, 10 Sep 2007 05:41:00 PST

"I do tears"

                 So this Bush fellow - in a new book about his presidency - informs author, Robert Draper, he cries  a lot.&n...
Posted by Chef Assassin on Fri, 07 Sep 2007 12:52:00 PST