Elmo, Souvenir from Hell's Gift Shop

Click the shirts to go to MyRadioStore.com...
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Are you a Jimmy Buffett fan??
Check out my cool cartoon artwork on shirts, clocks, mugs, stickers for your car, etc., at the link below!!
I'm a huge Parrothead!!
Smells Like Elm/Dawn Spirit from Riley's 3/15/08!!
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Check this out if you like to see a grown man stick a needle in his head...and read my "Fun with Diabetes" blog (above)...
Some hilarious moments, some painfully harsh, at our attempt at a fan comedy night. Here is Last Pest Standing...
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I work for myself in marketing/advertising/design, but more importantly, I'm responsible for merchandising the
Opie & Anthony Show
on XM Satellite Radio!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CLICK HERE or check the link above regularly
for the latest designs!!
I guess I'm arrogant enough to think you actually care about what I'm thinking...so here's some stuff:
Name: Elmo
Birthday: Ju-freakin-ly 10
Birthplace: Astoria, Queens
Current Location: Lawn Guylin (said with a thick NY accent)
Eye Color: Blue
Hair Color: Blondish
Height: 5' 10" easy
Right Handed or Left Handed: I give nuns the finger with my left hand and I fondle homeless bag ladies with my right, so I guess that makes me ambidextrous.
Your Heritage: Mutt, with a penchant for claiming to be 'northern Italian.'
The Shoes You Wore Today: My Tevas. It's 60 degrees in January. WTF!!!!!!!!!
Your Weakness: Drunk pet shop owners and Silent Hill on PS2.
Your Fears: Man, it used to be those freakin' flying monkeys in The Wizard of Oz...but what really freaks me out now is that Burger King mascot guy!! He's a big headed, mute sociopath!! WTF!!! Oh, and I think my Dunkin Donuts guy made a copy of my house key.
Your Perfect Pizza: Extra sauce served on the stomach of a nubile nymph...while her 88 year old grandmother watches another exciting episode of Wheel of Fortune only 10 feet away.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Does NOT anally raping my neighbor's paper boy count as a goal?
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: GSJDOOYMGSFYTAKYNF -- Go Suck Jack Daniels Out Of Your Mommy's Gaping Snatch, Fuck Your Sister And Kill Your Neighbor's Ferret.
Thoughts First Waking Up: Oh crap! Jessica Alba isn't really here? It was only a dream? Oh...and where did this huge blood stain come from?
Your Best Physical Feature: Loaded question. Gotta be the large scar on my left shoulder. Awesome. Everyone tells me it's my blue eyes, though, (if that isn't blatant sap by the chiquitas I don't know what is), but practically my whole family has the same ones, so I don't think that counts.
Your Bedtime: When my 7 year old neighbor shuts off his light. That'll change once my night vision goggles come in. They're on back order.
Your Most Missed Memory: If I 'missed' it, I don't remember it...so how can it be a memory?
Pepsi or Coke: A ladle of mead will do just nicely.
MacDonalds or Burger King: Come on!!!!! Mickey D's. I mean, who doesn't just adore a psycho clown who needs to be around children?
Single or Group Dates: Single dates...group if her sister is hot.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: I'd rather drink a tepid bowl of rat throwup. With a wedge of lemon, of course.
Chocolate or Vanilla: Mocha choca latte ya-ya (read as the whole Lady Marmalade riff).
Cappuccino or Coffee: 7-11 coffee. The best. Screw Starbuck's and their attempt to rule the world.
Do you Smoke: When very drunk.
Do you Swear: Almost exclusively.
Do you Sing: All the time. I'm world renown for my karaoke efforts!!
Do you Shower Daily: Yes, there's an abandoned YMCA up the road. This street urchin, Chet Fresh, provides me with the necessary toiletries and insightful conversation.
Have you Been in Love: Obviously a chick wrote these questions. A better question would be "Have you ever buried the dismembered body of a prostitute off the New Jersey Turnpike?"
Do you want to go to College: Not again. I have this recurring dream that all my tests were taken with a number 3 pencil, NOT a number 2, and I have to do college all over again!!!
Do you want to get Married: "I now pronounce you husband and Jessica Alba."
Do you believe in yourself: Yes, but most of the world hasn't caught on yet. Elmoman is a mystical man who enters children's rooms in the wee hours of the night to watch them sleep.
Do you think you are Attractive: Does the Pope pee standing up while a bishop holds his 'staff'??!!
Are you a Health Freak: If lots of Taco Bell and shots of tequila qualifies as such.
Do you like Thunderstorms: Um...sure. Do the girls find me romantic now?
Do you play an Instrument: Unfortunately no, but I did attempt to play "Diary" by Bread on the lute while burying the hooker.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: Are fish tired of seafood?
In the past month have you Smoked: Yeah, but it was because my brake pads needed changing.
In the past month have you gone on a Date: Does prison rape count as a "date"??
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: Yes, to beat the Christmas rush in 10 months.
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: Sugar bad for Elmo.
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: I had 2 helpings of sea robin that was laying on the beach in the hot sun for a couple of weeks.
In the past month have you been on Stage: Singing "Hot Dog" with Lost Boys at F.H. Riley's.
In the past month have you been Dumped: Would have been...but a shovel and a map of the New Jersey Turnpike took care of that.
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: Tried recently, but my face smashed into the ice on the pond. I am probably the only New Yorker to be arrested for skinny dipping in Lake Erie with a 20 year old girl (I was 22). This could be an important trivia question some day.
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: Do office supplies count?
Ever been Drunk: At least as many times as Paris Hilton has said, "That's hot."
Ever been called a Tease: Actually yes.
Ever Shoplifted: My Mom dragged me back to the store and made me admit my crime and apologize. And it happened just last week. Hey-o!!!!!!!! (rim shot)
How do you want to Die: Accidentally beheaded while working as Santa Claus at a shopping mall during peak Christmastime hours.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: An 80 year old man with a silly grin on my face and the current Miss Alabama under the covers.
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: If she's 'looking up' at me I couldn't care less if she even had eyes!!!
Favourite Hair Color: Blue wigs on thin cocktail waitresses.
Short or Long Hair: In the trousers I like a serious bush. The kind you need a headband to contain.
Height: Proportionate with weight.
Weight: Proportionate with height.
Best Clothing Style: Bikini.
Number of CDs I own: One. William Shatner Yodles Alice In Chains Classics.
Number of Piercings: Uno.
Number of Tattoos: Nada (yet).
Number of things in my Past I Regret: Wow, I can think of 3 right off the bat.