Myspace Contact Tables
I was born of the purest pearly drops of hallowed rain...
From the doomed love that bound an Angel to eternal damnation...
My name is Lilaeth and pain is my home.
You've come to this page for a predestined reason.
You've come to my help.
My mother,Eleem of the Malakim,the Eighth Order of Angels,fell to her destiny for having crossed the forbidden boundaries...
She lost her soul to a human,who in return loved her with the resigned desperation of the doomed....
Retribution was fierce and unavoidable.
She was cast away from the Order and held captive in isolation..To this day I do not know her fate.
My father was deprived of his memories and condemned to roam aimlessly the earth till the day of his death.
It pains me to recall the details of my capture...the agony of the loss...my beautiful,beautiful mother..The look of anguish she gave me....
The struggle...My bewildered cry as They dragged me away....
Void
Void
MOTHER!
My silent cries reverberating through the barren walls...Heart...Heart hammering in my chest....Darkness...Pain...Pain that cuts and scars and burns.....
They came to me on the fourth day....I was free to leave and resume my life.....
On one condition.
Mahael came into my life...My other half..My guardian...My tormentor...
She must keep watch on me.
In her unblinking stare I see myself as They see me...The changeling...The abomination..The half cast...
My tainted blood worries Them..Mahael appraises me with stern eyes..Cold...Unfeeling...
You wouldn't expect that from an Angel,would you?
Yet her shadow leaves icy drops on my soul...She doesn't speak much..She seems almost furious with the fact that I exist and that she must exist in the same universe...
Her slightly slanted eyes are liquid golden yellow...Her hair is long to the waist,the colour of ripe corn..She's slender and graceful,but her movements betray what I know for a fact...She's a 'Getheeia'..A Warrior Angel..Trained to withstand and fight the dark forces...
She never answers my questions..A slight narrowing of her eyes warns me that I should not insist or try to annoy her any further...
The day They released me I found her waiting outside the cell I was kept in..She just looked at me,frowning...In my head I heard the sharp tone of her voice ordering me to follow her...We communicate like this most of the time...I have inherited from my mother some of the powers They seem to possess...But it doesn't come easily to me..My father's blood dilutes my psychic abilities..I suppose if I trained hard enough I could strengthen my potential...
I must look into that sometime....
Recalling that day now brings back to my throat the tingling taste of static...
We reached the centre of a clearing and Mahael stopped..She looked at me sternly for one long minute..."You have been given to me"she said.."You understand that? Me and you are an item from now on...Just keep that in mind"..And she held her hands to the sides of my head with her eyes closed...
I felt myself trembling and my body surge with astounding force...Then everything was whirling and blurring and I think I passed out for what seemed like an eternity...
When I opened my eyes I found myself lying on the floor of a scantily furnished room...I felt my teeth on edge and a slight headache..
Mahael was standing by the window,looking outside, her body tense...I was suddenly aware of noises I had never heard before...
Still feeling a little dazed I got up and went to the window...
What I saw took me utterly by surprise and my heart missed a beating...
We were obviously standing in an apartment overlooking what I knew to be a city...The noises I didn't recognize were the noises of traffic...Mahael had taken me to the Land of my father..We had traveled through space and I was standing,bewildered and confused,on human territory....
I turned to Mahael,a thousand questions bursting out of me...The look she gave me chilled me to the bone and,despite myself, I took a step back....Her face was translucent and triumphant...And for the space of a breath I caught in her strange eyes the faint glimmer of madness and something resembling fear ..
Suddenly her voice was inside my head and I was soon to find out what was required of me.
I've been pacing this floor for what it feels like an eternity......I know I will go mad soon...
Mahael left this morning,like she's been doing every day for the past two weeks...I doubt I'll be seeing her before nightfall...And I'm left here to dwell in my nightmares...
Is there a sense to it all?...Why are we here?
I thought she was supposed to 'guard me' ..To scan my evil,unworthy half human brain and report back to the 'High and Mighty'....
So where the hell is she? WHY ARE WE HERE? Why? Why?
Her unblinking stare will drive me insane...
I look to the window... I look at the fragment of sky I can make out from here.. It seems to beckon me....Mother!
My thoughts never stray from her...And I feel that familiar wrath consume me again.. . ..
I slam my fist against the crystal panel that separates me from the rest of the world.
I slam into it again and again while convulsed sobs escape my outraged lips....
This is Mahael's s way to keep me prisoner...A thin layer of what seems to be indestructible crystal panels the entire apartment...I'm like a damn useless fish in a fish bowl... I can't get close to the window..Or the door for that matter....
If I scream I won't be heard....
And when I feel so shattered, to scream is my last call to sanity...
When Mahael came back that night,she found me slumped in a corner,the smear of angry tears still on my face....
She was carrying something small and black...A portable computer..
From that night on she was to spend many hours connected to the net,her back straight,her face expressionless,her fingers typing fast...
I had given up trying to get something out of her long before...
Driven by my frustrated fury one day I had grabbed her by the arm and had shouted angry questions at her face...
She had looked only slightly puzzled for a second and then a bolt of unbearable pain had shot to my head,blinding me for agonizing moments..
I had fallen to my knees,delirious with pain..She had just stood there,looking at me with mild disgust.
I now know she is completely out of control and demented...What I don't know is what she's looking for and how I fit in the picture...But I intend to find out.
It finally happened....Last night while I was sitting gloomily, chasing my personal ghosts a sudden involuntary gasp of surprised triumph escaped Mahael's lips....sudden outbursts of furious typing followed her longed for discovery...
In a second I was up and behind her ....She turned on me with the viciousness of a snake,her face a mask of feral excitement...It happened all too quickly for me to try and retaliate...
I found myself face down on the floor , a sharp pain inside my head, a red mist slowly rising behind my eyes....
When I recovered enough to stand up,Mahael had gone,the security panel activated...
But whatever she had so unexpectively found on the internet had led her to make an unbelievable mistake.....
I found myself staring with wide eyes at the blank monitor of Mahael's computer.
I knew I had to act quickly,but it took me some minutes to overcome the wild beating of my heart and to put my thoughts in some kind of rational order ...
Taking deep breaths I began typing,searching for ways to send my plea for help in the world of humans....
If you've read so far, you might start to realize and believe that I exist somewhere on this earth of yours,prisoner of a deranged 'Getheeia',and extremely anxious to get the hell out of here...
Unfortunately I don't have a clue regarding my whereabouts... I also can't figure out in what way you may actually help me..Oh what the hell....CAN YOU HELP??
CAN YOU HELP ME??????
As the night painfully bleeds its colours away, I get more and more restless...
This is taking me nowhere...I've entered endless chats and online communities....No one believes me..They all take me for some kind of raving lunatic....
And even if someone did believe me...What then?
Hopeless..
Hopeless..
Hopeless..
I must have dozed off... The monitor 's flashing's disturbed my slumber..
Someone is writing my name over and over.....
I'm suddenly scared...
Visions of Mahael's crazed eyes send a shiver down my spine..For one ghastly moment I imagine her on the other side of the screen...I force myself to type...
"I'm here"
"Lilaeth, I can help"
"How?" I don't believe this is time for small talk.
"Trust me"
"Who are you?"
"Never mind that...I can get you out of there"
"How? Who are you? Do you know this place?"
'"I can teach you how to disactivate the shield"
I'm suddenly angry...Whoever this is, he's having a laugh on me.
"Oh yeah? Come on, amaze me." I have tried hundreds of times to get through this transparent prison...To no avail...It won't shatter or scratch or burn or evaporate ..I even tried to direct my most powerful mind blast at it...Nothing....Only Mahael can disactivate it.
"You must clear your mind first"
"Oh come on! You think it's a joke ,don't you? Who the hell are you?"
"My name is Lixyan"
I catch my breath,eyes fixed on the screen.
"We come from the same place"
I can hear the heavy thuds of my heart... A siren fades into silence in the distance...
"Lilaeth? Are you there?"
"Yeah"
"You must clear your mind now...You must memorize every single word".
How long have I been sitting here,my mind wildly elaborating plans that I dismiss as soon as they're formed? Lixyan's gone. I've erased every trace of my passage on Mahael's computer...
I must think...I must think!
Mahael's return startled me out of my frantic schemings....As soon as I laid eyes on her I knew that something was different..She looked different....As strange as this sounds there was some kind of 'glow' about her...
She paid no attention to me, as usual ,but stopped dead in her tracks as soon as she caught sight of the computer..
She snapped her head in my direction,eyes guarded...She must have been so taken by her findings that she had completely forgotten about leaving the computer behind....
I could feel her eyes burning on me, her mind suddenly alert...I just looked at her, trying to calm the furious thumping of my heart....
We confronted one another silently for a few moments...Then she turned and walked away. I felt warm waves of relief flood my veins....I had a few hours in front of me ....I had to get some rest and decide what my next move would be.
Light....Cursed light through my fingers.....My head full of warped sounds...Morning washes over me.
I realize with a shudder that I'm terrified....I can hear Mahael's furtive movements..She's getting ready to leave...Most of my discarded plans contemplate trying to physically overcome her,taking her by surprise....
I reconsider this in the pale light of day....Would I be up to it?
My palms are sweating...The human in me shrinks back at the idea of colliding with the sheer power of Mahael's mind...No...That would only lead to defeat and pain..I must lie here and wait....
She's gone...The shield up,the computer taken..I'm on my feet in seconds,my mind focused....Lixyan's words in my head create a clear path...I must allow myself to follow that path.....I feel a tingling warmth at the back of my head...
I slowly pronounce the three words Lixyan taught me....I'm so tense my entire body trembles...I must focus my power....I must let it flow....
I put my hands on the transparent panel...I close my eyes and repeat the words in my mind...
It just happens like that...I open my eyes and the panel's gone...I take a step toward the door..Nothing's holding me back....
Too bad I have no time to rejoice in my newly acquired skills...I'm out of the door like a bolt of lighting and down endless flights of stairs.....
I must find Mahael before she gets too far for me to find her...Following her is the only thing I can do at the moment..
I'm out in the open..Pavement,people,cars,streets....All new to me...So many emotions i must suppress..I have no time to take all this in now...
I breathe deeply ,letting this strange air fill my lungs while my eyes scan the place in search of Mahael..
I catch sight of her long blond hair as she crosses the street at the far end....I start to run.
Breathless...Amazed...I walk briskly following the yellow beacon of Mahael's hair, completely taken aback and enthralled by everything I see ...
I could turn and run...Disappear...Make a new start somewhere...Would she be able to find me? Would They find me?What of my mother? Will I ever be able to see her again?
In the glow of the warm sunlight, surrounded by people and noise everything seems even more absurd...
I must slow down...Mahael is waiting to cross yet another road...I can see now where she's heading.
There's a park just across the street.
I'd nearly lost her...I had to keep way behind her,because there's hardly anyone here at this time of day and I couldn't risk being seen....Now I can make out her blond head in the distance...
She's sat down on a wooden bench facing my opposite direction..As I move silently through the trees,she stands up abruptly,making me jump back in alarm..Has she seen me?
I lean on the trunk of a tree ,my heart beating wildly.....Nothing...I wait some more,holding my breath...Complete silence....
I finally decide to move imperceptibly and risk a quick look in her direction....What I see then freezes me to the ground..
I feel my eyes widening in horrified surprise...The shock is so violent and intense i have to hold on to the tree...
There's a tall figure dressed in black standing near Mahael.
I feel numb...Numb with confusion.
I' m back at the flat.I didn't know where else to go.
Conflicting thoughts try to escape my bewildered mind. I just can't take it in.
I saw my father.
I saw my father in the park.
He was holding Mahael in his arms.
I must find some sense in all the riotous images and thoughts that crowd my imagination...I must get my brain to stop its raging screaming or I'll go insane...And yet I feel that one word is forming in the depths of my mind and I know that word is going to shatter my world and shatter myself into millions of tiny poisoned shards...
Betrayal....
The word is betrayal....
I don't know how I managed to survive the night..Mahael is getting ready to leave again.
So am I.
I feel as cold and as tight as a razorblade.I'm beyond pain. I must confront my father.
'Father' ...The word has somehow lost its meaning at the moment..
Truth..That's all I desperately need.. The rest is consequential.
I watch them meeting in the same place near the bench..There's an air of wondrous joy about my father and yet he looks tense too...I see him glancing around nervously...I don't have a plan...i'm just anxious to get it over with..
Before I even realize what I'm doing, i find myself running in their direction.
"Father!" My voice is small yet unwavering....
My unexpected call causes
two different reactions: Mahael turns on me with wide eyes,her mouth twitching in malevolent surprise..My father just stares at me,seemingly puzzled.
"Father?"
Damn! I'm going to lose it...I feel the sharp sting of tears as I look into eyes so similar to my own..'"Father,how could you?"
I hold his gaze but all I see there is sheer confusion...He turns to Mahael suddenly alarmed "Eleem?Do you know this girl? "
My eyes widen in astonishment while Mahael lunges at me with clawed hands...I spring back desperately trying to grasp the situation...My father doesn't recognize me and he believes Mahael to be Eleem, my mother!
"Eleem? what's going on? Who is this girl?" My father tries to hold Mahael back,but she's out of control now "She's one of Them! She wants to keep us apart!"
Steeling myself against Mahael's attack, I feel a cold rage flaring up as I look at this deranged deadly creature ..."Why did you do this? Why? Why in God's name did you do this to my mother?" I shout at her.
She looks terrifying now... Hatred and fury transform the delicate beauty of her face..Even my father steps back from her...'"Your mother?"She spits.."Do you wanna know about your mother?"
"Here!" She screams, lunging at me with outstretched arms...I feel the touch of her fingers on my forehead and my mind fills instantly with images....My mother and Mahael together....My mother crying out in anguish as she stares at my body hung upsidedown from a dead tree...Her desperation when she sees my father's lifeless body sprawled in the dirt...
I watch, powerless and horrified as she ,stricken with grief,performs what to angels is the most extreme and unforgivable act of all:the relinquishing of life....
"MOTHER!!! NOOOOOOO!!" The sound of my own voice brings me back to reality and my heart fills with the most venomous kind of hatred I didn't know could even exist in me...
This cursed creature has driven my mother to suicide...She must have hated her so much to plan all this in advance...She's the one who must have told Them about my existence and the bond between my mother and father...She must have volunteered to 'watch over me'..She has altered my father's memories taking my mother's place in his mind and heart...She has shown my mother false images of my father's death and mine so that she felt so desperate as to take her own life....
My pain and rage are uncontainable now...I feel murder in my heart and even if I know that this wretched monster in front of me cannot be killed, I want to die trying all the same....I owe it to myself and my family...
With a savage cry I throw myself at Mahael,while my father tries desperately to separate us....
That's the last thing I remember before passing out.
There's a light so intense I can hardly open my eyes...I don't feel hurt ...Just blinded by this cursed light...
Suddenly I find myself lying on my back, staring at the sky...
I sit up, instantly alert...My father's unconscious body's lying on the grass some distance on the right..
In front of me stands what seems to be the frozen statue of a snarling and feral looking Mahael, ready to spring her attack...
Next to her there's a tall stranger dressed in black,his face expressionless.
I'm on my feet instantly.
"I'm Lixyan".
Quite.I'm not entirely surprised.
"I want you to know that we were completely taken aback by what your mother did...And we are sorry..That was something we had not foreseen."
I just look at him.
"We were keeping Mahael under control...We were aware of the fact that something wasn't quite right with her...But we needed to see how far she would go...We needed her to admit her guilt...And she's done that, through you. We shall deal with her now".
As simple as that.
I suddenly feel mortally tired... I have to lean on a tree,my legs refusing to take my weight for much longer...We've been watched and manipulated...I feel nauseous and outraged..Why didn't They warn my mother? Why didn't They stop Mahael?Is what my mother did such a terrible sin? Is love ever a sin? Is love a crime punishable with death?.Did They let my mother die because of her love for me and my father? .. I feel dazed, my mind reeling...
I hear my father moan softly. I turn my attention to him.
"What's gonna happen to my father?"
"He's going to wake up soon.He won't remember anything".
"Not even me?"
"No".
Brilliant.
"And what about me? Don't you have some other preposterous celestial plan for me? Some other raving lunatic to redeem?" Rage is better than desperation..I'll have time for that later.
Lixyan just stares at me...I can see he's not entirely enjoying this.
"You can decide your own fate,Lilaeth"
Oh can I, now?
"I'll stay then".. There's defiance in my voice...I can feel my father's blood rushing fiercely through my veins..Heaven is no place for me..Not anymore.
I stare for a long moment into Mahael's frozen face...How could such beauty conceal such a rotten core? I'll never know what was behind her savage hatred...Nor what she intended to do with me and my father.. .I guess I'll never know what is going to happen to her either..Not that I care...
I turn to Lixyan, my back straight, my chin up...I look at him with unspoken challenge,the absurdity of my tragedy clearly showing in my face..He slowly bows his head in acknowledgment..
"Don't pass on hasty judgements,Lilaeth..Your mother was never condemned or punished.Mahael had far more power than we thought and she used it unwisely. We had no control over her until the moment she showed you what she did. Admitting her guilt was her downfall,Lilaeth..We shall deal with her now".
"Just take the wretched thing out of my sight,will you?"
Lixyan holds my gaze for a long moment."Your mother will be sadly missed,Lilaeth"
I find nothing to say...I feel drained...I quickly look away to hide my tears...When I finally turn around, Lixyan and Mahael have gone.
I hear my father softly moaning in his sleep. I kneel down and gently cradle him in my arms.
My heart knows this is time to take my leave."You won't remember me, father..nor your heart
will recall that it was once brushed by the soft touch of angels' wings..But I won't forget nor fail you,father..Our hearts beat as one".
Silent tears fall like silver rain down on my arms,as I open my mind and let pain wash over me,unrestrained...and it's like falling down a flaming spiral of blistering fire...
I welcome that fire..I wallow in it, while my innermost prayer reaches my mother and stays with her with the incandescent radiance of the most luminous star.
My father is stirring...I must leave before he wakens...
I hug him fiercely to me, my eyes blinded by tears,my heart so full of grief I can hardly breathe...
I straighten up,slightly shivering,clearing tears from my eyes...The sun has reached its peak in the sky...I look around me, wondering fleetingly about my future in a place I hardly know....
I shrug....I guess any direction will do.
I turn South and start to walk.
I guess I've figured out a way you could help me.
You could be my friend.