Mark Garrison profile picture

Mark Garrison

You punch one chick in the face and all of a sudden you're an asshole.

About Me


I'm Mark Garrison. I write both general and comedic fiction as well as create ridiculous media in various forms. Lately, most of my time is spent working on comic re-captions and super short films. My work has appeared in venues that can be seen over to your left or below.
If you're on my friend's list it's because there's something about you that I admire. However, if we knew eachother ten or more years ago, chances are we won't or can't fucking stand eachother now. I don't know why but that's just how it generally works out. There are very few exceptions to this rule and I love them dearly. If you want to know more, feel free to call me anytime at (310) 574-2461.
My work has been featured at....

and many more.

My Interests

Writing , writing , writing , drinking diet soda's, booty , booty, drinking energy drinks and then tying myself to a chair, playing tennis with big breasted females, writing letters to senators, congressmen and the president asking them to install condom dispensers in all church bathrooms to prevent alter boy pregnancy, giving people the chance to see things differently, charity, clicking every day at The Hunger Site , booty.

Note: I finally got one.
Charity: One small way to do something big is to go to these sites every day and click on a button. Those little buttons really do make a difference. It's a small, simple way to help this fucked up world.
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I'd like to meet:

You, you, and you! Lisa Loeb, Sarah Silverman, Richard Condie, Robert Deniro, Al Pacino, Joe Pesci, Ray Liota, Conan O'Brien, Samuel L Jackson, Levi, anyone as ridiculously ridiculous as I am, anyone who likes the stuff I write, a literary agent, and thick females with amazing asses; My wife beat me mercilessly after typing that last sentence.

Music:

Duran Duran, Toadies (singers of my all time favorite song), Depeche Mode, The Pinker Tones, Lady Sovereign, Dick Desert & The Shotgun Country Club , Scott Lanaway , Aterciopelados, Nortec Collective, Andrea Echeverri, Radiohead, M.I.A., Moxy, Joe Tex, Johnny Cash, Silversun Pickups, The Bravery, Pearl Jam, Gorillaz, Fatty Poindexter , The Electro Chemists, Dr Dre, Ice Cube, Easy E, NWA, Lupe Fiasco, TI, George Baker, Foo Fighters, Earlimart, Papa Wood , Bill Withers, Lisa Loeb, MANY more.
Toadies - Possum Kingdom

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Movies:


THE BIG SNIT (the best fucking movie ever made, hands down), Richard Condie's Family Album, Goodfellas, Godfather series (even 3), Casino, Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, Heat, any movie involving vampires, anything by Quentin Tarantino, any non-kid movie directed by Robert Rodriguez, movies that I make at home (wink wink, nudge nudge) and many more.

Television:

The Shield and Family Guy, um, yeah that's about it. "Dancing With the Stars" and "Skating with Celebrities" should be outlawed and it's viewers thrown out of a fast moving, burning bus at extremely high altitude.

Books:

The Torah, The Zohar, The Essential Zohar, Moment's in Time , The Hidden Puzzle , Atlanta Nights.

Heroes:

The Berg Rabbi's, Phil Hendrie, Lisa Loeb.

My Blog

Ladies and gentlemen

I....um....today....um....this.... There are simply no words.... http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24585481/...
Posted by Mark Garrison on Tue, 13 May 2008 10:03:00 PST

Daily dose of inspiration

Next time you see a starving baby, ask it why the fuck it doesn't just get a damn job. 
Posted by Mark Garrison on Tue, 06 May 2008 06:06:00 PST

Daily dose of inspiration

If your plans don't work out, just remember that when Jesus invented glazed donuts, I don't think he knew what I was planning on doing with them....
Posted by Mark Garrison on Sun, 04 May 2008 09:08:00 PST

Daily dose of inspiration

When nothing seems to be going your way, just remember that your family loves you. And when you realize that all of your family is dead, call the police....
Posted by Mark Garrison on Fri, 02 May 2008 10:36:00 PST

Daily dose of inspiration

If someone asks you for the time, tell them to go read a fucking science book because then they'll learn that time is just an illusion. Then tell them the real time and apologize for being bi-polar....
Posted by Mark Garrison on Fri, 02 May 2008 04:15:00 PST

Daily dose of inspiration

No man ever climbed a mountain without determination. And every guy's fucked at least one fat chick in his life time....
Posted by Mark Garrison on Tue, 29 Apr 2008 02:13:00 PST

Carly Smithson - My Hero

I'm about to do something I don't normally do. I'm about to post a blog about pop culture. About something that doesn't have to do with stinky strippers or gay sock monkeys. Of all the things I could ...
Posted by Mark Garrison on Thu, 24 Apr 2008 08:22:00 PST

Daily dose of inspiration

When an old lady asks you to help her cross the street, instead, hold her hand and levitate over the traffic together. Because that's safer and a lot more impressive....
Posted by Mark Garrison on Thu, 17 Apr 2008 09:37:00 PST

Daily dose of inspiration

Everyone should take two pictures of themselves. One to keep, and one for that stalker guy that's gonna kill you....
Posted by Mark Garrison on Wed, 16 Apr 2008 10:12:00 PST

Daily does of inspiration

If you're walking in the park, and a kid you don't know throws you a frisbee, walk up to the kid and beat them with the frisbee in order to teach them a lesson about strangers....
Posted by Mark Garrison on Tue, 15 Apr 2008 09:12:00 PST