I was raised by circus folk in the wilds of Africa until I was about ten. We moved to the states in April of 1991, and I was a belligerent little child. My mother and father would take turns beating me with socks filled with quarters until I would either pass out or tell them what they wanted to hear which was usually some affirmation of how Toad was the greatest character in the Super Mario Brothers line of games.
I ran away from home at the age of 13, and I haven't looked back. I've tried to make a life for myself that revolves around a steady diet of fine Irish Brandy, Cottage Cheese, and Tuna Casserole. I enjoy the sunsets in Florida, and the winters in Berlin. For enjoyment, I go next door to the Lunderguards' house and stuff their son Chucky in a burlap sack, and then hang him upside down while taunting him about being rotund.
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