San Fernando Valley profile picture

San Fernando Valley

sanfernandovalley

About Me

I am the Valley. There are many other valleys but when people talk about Thee valley they are usually talking about me.
The people on this site pretty much just drive around in their Hondas & suv's on their way to work or to school or to ask their parents for more money. We stop for Jamba Juice and Starbucks and pay with credit cards. Car insurance is expensive because there are alot of aspiring actors who can fake whatever injury their chiropractors will get paid the most for. Getting rear ended by someone is like winning the lotto. We are the most ethnically diverse place in the world. The only color that matters is green. The color of money and weed. This is because we are all stoned. Which is also why we have more 24 hour Taco Bells than the rest of California combined. We love to go to the gym but usually just to watch cable. It's always sunny, yet we go to sunless tanning salons as not to damage our skin. However, it is obligatory for 17 yr old girls to get a Flower or butterfly above their ass. Men get theirs at 19 must choose something dumb and get it at Venice that comes out so bad that you must get another tattoo to cover up the original. Regardles, I am your home. You may party over the hill, gamble in the desert, or go to the beach for a day but you can never leave me. If you do attempt to leave you will come back in 2 years or less. Everywhere else is boring, the weather sucks and/or harder to get good weed.

My Interests

Drinking, smoking, chillin, kicking it, fighting, racing, sports, driving, working, talking smack, property values, getting it on, networking, earthquake prepareness, dying, and all types of ill shit

I'd like to meet:

I want you. My people, to consumate and multply, no need to go over the hill. There is plenty of booty right here in your backyard. With close to 1000 members there should be someone as bored and awake as you less than a 10 minute drive away. Don't be shy! I have hand picked the cream of the crop! Only the most beautiful and the popular were invited to be a part of my group. They all said no, so I just gave up and let these weirds join. Who cares? Send a message to anything with a pulse and hope at least one bites.

Music:

Bumping from 2 12"s in the back of a Civic

Movies:

Magnolia, Boogie Nights, Safe, One Eight Seven, Blast From the Past, The Two Jakes, Two Days in the Valley, La Bamba, E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial, Lost Highway, Foxes, Postman Always Rings Twice, Encino Man, Earth Girls Are Easy, Bells of San Fernando, Escape From L.A., The Vals

Television:

Yeah, we do that. You watch network televison? Cable TV? It's all made in the SFV.

Books:

we are all about the Blue Book and being below it. We used to have black books where we kept girls numbers, now we put them in our cell phones under names with cousin or uncle before their names so our girlfriends don't suspect anything. There used to be these things called check books, you were supposed to balance them before over draft was invented. There's a Redbook. It's like Cosmo for menopausal women. It blows. Books were assigned to us to read in school, but we sold them for drugs. It didn't matter because the teacher would never touch the paper. It didn't matter because the Teachers had their Teacher's Aide grade the papers. The same teachers aide that you bought the acid off of. Most books about the Valley are of the true crime genre.

Heroes:

Um, yeah. Logan who has exiled himself to the (951) wrote all this shit, but now it's pretty much just Keith who maintains shit, and responds to messages at this point. Jon and Evan Ames don't really post anything anymore, but they're interesting guys none the less.

My Blog

Aftershock

Yo dudes, OG Valley Boi here.One night way back in 2004 I was strung out at 3:30 in the morning and Tom suggested I start a group. So I did. I now live in Riverside. I still love the Valley and I sti...
Posted by San Fernando Valley on Tue, 20 Feb 2007 03:00:00 PST

3 million cities in a 20 mile radius

If you live in Lake Balboa, you live in Van Nuys. Get over it you pricks. The rest of Van Nuys hates you now more than Encino. HA! sorry. I had to vent. -ev
Posted by San Fernando Valley on Tue, 06 Dec 2005 09:39:00 PST

X-MAS IN THE SFV (Holy Shit an new Article!!!)

Tommorow starts december which is the first official day of X-Mas hell for me. Most people become assholes after thanksgiving, but I wait it out a few extra days. For some reason christmas lights ...
Posted by San Fernando Valley on Thu, 01 Dec 2005 11:33:00 PST

Myspace: Two years later

Has it been 2 years? Almost. For two years I have been a myspace user. Two years ago I created this profile. It all started with Freindser. That sucked. Then I found myspace. Wow. My writing suddenly ...
Posted by San Fernando Valley on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

San Fernandus Classificatus Part 1

Work is boring and I'm in the mood to write stupid shit that no one cares about. I'm classifying the most prominent subcultures here in our lovely little city that has yet to cesceed from Los Angeles ...
Posted by San Fernando Valley on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

ALCOHOL INDUCED BULIMIA AND OTHER GREAT HOBBIES

No this isn't a Valley boy/girl of the week post. That's logan's thing. I think... And he's too hung over to give a damn about how cool you are. I think... I don't know what Logan thinks, and that...
Posted by San Fernando Valley on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Everything you should know about getting arrested

Hello my valley bretheren! The Valley Boi can't sleep and has the writing bug so here's a ditty about crime and punishment. pt 1: Why am I being arrested? People can get arrested for thousands...
Posted by San Fernando Valley on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

My Name is Evan Ames, and I'm an Alcoholic. 6/23

Hey these guys at SFV liked my post about Rules to follow on Myspace so much they asked me to write for them! I thought "Like Whoa, people think i'm funny?" Then they told me how I would probably ge...
Posted by San Fernando Valley on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Valley fact of the week..... I rocked first.

Just about everyone who grew up in the valley has some sort of story about Northridge Skateland. First kiss, first broken heart, first fight.....stabbing.......arrest??? Back in the 60's on Friday nig...
Posted by San Fernando Valley on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Valley fact of the week....Entertainers.

Sure it's hotter than hell here during the summer, and the dominant forms of cultural stimulation come in the guise of movie theatres, malls, house party's, and ultimately dive bars. But enough cultur...
Posted by San Fernando Valley on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST