eLhaine.xtina

I'd like to meet:

***** 2 New Additions to the Periodic Table of Elements: ***** Element name: WOMAN
Symbol: WO
Atomic weight: (don't even go there)
Physical properties:
Generally round in form.
Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time.
Melts whenever treated properly.
Very bitter if mishandled.
Chemical properties:
Very active. Highly unstable.
Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones.
Volatile when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food.
Turns slightly green when placed next to a shinier specimen.
Usage:
Highly ornamental.
An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth.
Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.
Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.
Element Name: MAN
Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: (180+/-50)
Physical properties:
Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky.
Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples.
Chemical properties:
Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get.
Also tends to form strong bonds with itself.
Becomes explosive when mixed with KD (Element: Child) for prolonged periods of time.
Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.
Usage:
None known. Possible good methane source.
Good specimens are able to produce large quantities on command.
Caution:
In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ • A woman worries about the future
until she gets a husband.
• A man never worries about the future
until he gets a wife.
• A successful man is one who makes more money
than his wife can spend.
• A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
***** Longevity ***** Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ ***** Vocabulary Lesson For Men - Words Women Use: ***** • Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. • Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house. • Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with '"Nothing" usually end in "Fine." • Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it. • Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing." • That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake. • Thanks: A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome. • Whatever: It's a woman's way of saying #@*! YOU! *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *****Reasons wHy gUyz & bRainz dont mix.... ***** HE: Can I buy you a drink?
SHE: Actually I'd rather have the money. HE: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours, too. HE: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice. HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must've been given your share. HE: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend. HE: Your face must turn a few heads.
SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs. HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out.
SHE: Okay, get out. HE: I think I could make you very happy.
SHE: Why? Are you leaving? HE: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time. HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why? Don't you already have one? HE: Shall we go see a movie?
SHE: I've already seen it. HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you. HE: Haven't I seen you some place before?
SHE: Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore. HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes and this one will be if you sit down. HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I'm a female impersonator. HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not enter. HE: Your DO-NOT-BLOCK-OUR-ADS body is like a temple
SHE: Sorry, there are no services today. HE: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
SHE: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing. HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Where I'll be the rest of your life... in your wildest dreams. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~