ummm...ash? profile picture

ummm...ash?

There's one born every minute. Sucker.

About Me

I have a permanent case of foot-in-mouth syndrome. I brake for suicidal butterflies and birds. I live in my head. I'm not so great at talking about how I feel. Internet jukeboxes in redneck bars are just begging for me to play some metal. I have a thing for guys with nice eyebrows. I cuss. A lot. I'm constantly confused.

My Interests

Friends, loud music, laughing, my turtles, my dogs, random crap with skulls on it, shoes, makeup, ruthlessly beating men in pool, sarcasm, free alcohol, guitar hero, cooking, quoting movies, offensive jokes, liter-a-cola, italian food, chuck palahniuk books, tattoos, bad television...

I'd like to meet:

My dentist looks like Mr. Peepers.

BAH!!

Warning: If you are reading this then this warning is for you. Every word you read of this useless fine print is another second off your life. Don't you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly can't think of a better way to spend these moments? Or are you so impressed with authority that you give respect and credence to all that claim it? Do you read everything you're supposed to read? Do you think every thing you're supposed to think? Buy what you're told to want? Get out of your apartment. Meet a member of the opposite sex. Stop the excessive shopping and masturbation. Quit your job. Start a fight. Prove you're alive. If you don't claim your humanity you will become a statistic. You have been warned

Music:

THE DILLINGER ESCAPE PLAN, norma jean/luti-kriss, CALIBAN, throwdown, DETHKLOK!!!, portishead, cKy, FROM GRAVES OF VALOR, coldplay, skycamefalling, nuclear rabbit, zao, human waste project, mindless self indulgence, nine inch nails, the used, dead poetic, a static lullaby, remembering never, EVERGREEN TERRACE, EVERY TIME I DIE, thursday, calico system, silverstein, THE BLED, murder by death, captured! by robots, enable kain, deftones, johnny cash, primus, elvis, avenged sevenfold, end of all, LAMB OF GOD, sublime, dead to fall, few left standing, my chemical romance, BETWEEN THE BURIED AND ME, HIM, bleeding through, albert react, nora, hopesfall, WALLS OF JERICHO, society's finest, bad religion, saul williams, bloodjinn, killswitch engage, emery, guns n roses, poison, mr bungle, faith no more, peeping tom, fantomas, tomahawk, anything to do with mike patton!!! damien rice, denali, cave in, canderia, CONVERGE, blindside, incubus, sara mclachlan, bjork, tori amos, kelly clarkson, christina aguilera, orgy, method man, wu-tang, justin timberlake, sheryl crow, lake trout, panic! at the disco, snow patrol, tenacious d, dieselboy, omar santana, george acosta, aphrodite, chemical brothers, the crystal method...

Movies:

Gone With the Wind, The Sting, High Fidelity, Human Traffic, Big Fish, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, The Big Lebowski, The Dark Crystal, Evil Dead 1 & 2, Army of Darkness, Kung Pow: Enter the Fist, Fight Club, Kill Bill, Kill Bill 2, cKy3, Boondock Saints, Training Day, Orgazmo, any MST3K, Girl, Old School, Office Space, Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs, Vanilla Sky, Shaun of the Dead, Party Monster, Amelie, Garden State, Closer, House of Flying Daggers, Waiting..., It's All Gone Pete Tong, Walk The Line, Little Shop of Horrors, Reefer Madness: The Musical, RENT, Phantom of the Opera, Labyrinth, Anchorman, The 40 Year Old Virgin, Blades of Glory, Grandma's Boy.

Television:

Metalocolypse. Scrubs. ATHF. MST3K. Sex and the City. MADTV. SNL. The Sarah Silverman Show. Top Chef. Hell's Kitchen. Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmare. Iron Chef. Robot Chicken. Family Guy. South Park.Mostly anything offensive, random, rude, and involving food can usually keep me entertained.

Books:

Other than that...Life After God by Douglas Coupland is probably one of my favorite books ever. Choke by Chuck Palahniuk. Pretty much anything he writes is pretty good stuff. I'm in the middle of Fight Club right now. Yeah, I've seen the movie, but the book is always better.
But pretty much scratch n sniffs are my favorite. :)

Heroes:

My big brudder.

And my mom. And my dad. All my family is pretty badass. And my friends are all heroes to me in one way or another.

My Blog

Procrastination. It starts with PRO for a reason, right? It cant be all bad.

I'm supposed to be in the shower washing off dead fleas and dog hair and dirt and whatever other yucky stuff is on me from work. But I am writing on my blog instead cause I want to, that's why.I just ...
Posted by ummm...ash? on Sun, 01 Jun 2008 04:56:00 PST

So I guess this is growing up...

I'm actually looking forward to finally moving up from peon dog washer, to actual prep groomer. That means I'll start off learning to shave poodle feet and faces, the little bridge of shih-tzu noses, ...
Posted by ummm...ash? on Tue, 20 May 2008 09:49:00 PST

Just tell me I’m crazy.

Saw this on someone else's blog, and I actually read the whole thing. Malachi Ritscher (Mark David Ritscher; January 13th, 1954 - November 3rd, 2006) was a musician, recording engineer, and anti-war p...
Posted by ummm...ash? on Mon, 05 May 2008 08:18:00 PST

bitch bitch bitch. i hate people.

i go to craigslist a lot, in hopes of finding my brother's dog that we lost the day before valentine's day. we miss him, still no luck. :(but every time i'm on there, i find a new posting about an unw...
Posted by ummm...ash? on Thu, 01 May 2008 03:54:00 PST

random ass top friends

so i just saw on someone else's blog (mr p13, thank you) that you can just click a little button on your top friends and make them all random each time your page refreshes. i thought that was neat. i ...
Posted by ummm...ash? on Tue, 15 Apr 2008 10:56:00 PST

USE THIS RECIPE!!!!

Ingredients:-1 bunch broccoli-1/2 cup butter-1 medium onion, chopped-2 stalks celery, chopped-1/2 cup flour-2 cups milk-2 cups Kraft shredded classic melts 4 cheese-2 cans chicken broth-salt and peppe...
Posted by ummm...ash? on Tue, 11 Mar 2008 06:38:00 PST

it’s a beauty blog from your local makeup fiend!!

so i've been frequenting the website makeup alley for the past couple days. it's an awesome site where you can go and see tons and tons of user reviews on different beauty products. last night on the ...
Posted by ummm...ash? on Tue, 04 Mar 2008 10:38:00 PST

wow...i fucking missed it...

so i've been noticing a few of my friends deciding to cut back on the drinking, and i've come to the conclusion that i need to follow suit. i went out the other night, and the last thing i remember is...
Posted by ummm...ash? on Fri, 29 Feb 2008 04:08:00 PST

this sounds about right.

we are all procrastinators and wait until the new year begins to have a reason to start projects we've put off for far too long, make promises to ourselves that we'll most likely break, start exercisi...
Posted by ummm...ash? on Wed, 09 Jan 2008 10:11:00 PST

Something to remember

Before you go pointing fingers, take a closer look at yourself. You may come to realize that the things you dislike about someone else are actually traits you also possess.Just a thought.
Posted by ummm...ash? on Sun, 16 Dec 2007 05:40:00 PST