Alberta profile picture

Alberta

BITE IT! CHEW IT! TWIST IT! PULL IT!

About Me

I am a crotchety old white man trapped inside a young asian girls body... for REAL. And i'm also a music video slut. See if you can find me in both of these videos....(tip: in The Thermals video i am literally wearing the same shirt as Where's Waldo).. .. width="324" height="261" ..
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My Interests

money, mayonaise & martha stewart. and whatever else white people like...

I'd like to meet:

Rich, white, Republicans with guns and SUV's .....oh i guess that whole thing was kind of redundant.

Music:

The Cure, Q and not U, Gang of Four, Dismemberment Plan, Aoki Takamasa, Takemura, Blonde Redhead, 31 knots, Menomena, Helio Sequence, The Thermals, The Planet The, Fleetwood Mac, Les Savy Fav, Joy Division, Bauhaus, XTC, Neil Young, Pylon, Joanna Newsom, Pit Er Pat, The Vanishing Kids, Pat Benatar, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Fugazi, The Cure, Swan Island, Television, Talking Heads, Heart, Patti Smith, ....

Movies:

THIS VIDEO IS LIKE PORN TO ME. THE CLIMAX IS AT 20 SECONDS SO PLEASE WATCH THE WHOLE THING TO UNDERSTAND.

Television:

Dexter. This show is the best thing that has ever happened to me...I'm serious.

Books:

the book of mormon.

Heroes:

Scientologists!!! They can do anything they set their minds on! They can impregnate virgins from dawsons creek and save hurricane katrina victims before the government could! Thats right... the government couldn't even have sex with the ugly guy from that show...so sad.....oh i also look up to Christopher Walkens, Ricky Gervais, Karl Pilkington, Steve Merchant, Larry David, Margaret Cho, Dave Chapelle, Stephen Colbert & Conan Obrian even though they are unfortunately NOT scientologists.

My Blog

Susan Kuhnhausen is my hero!

If you haven't heard in the news already.....we have a new hero to look up to. Her name is Susan Kuhnhausen and she is an Emergency room nurse here is our wonderful Portland Oregon. For tho...
Posted by Alberta on Sun, 17 Sep 2006 01:35:00 PST

The Tony Danza Show?!

uhhhh....seriously how has the tony danza show not been canceled? i keep hearing its going to get canceled but day after day it weasles it way back on the airwaves. Have you seen the show? There are m...
Posted by Alberta on Fri, 14 Jul 2006 06:19:00 PST

garnier fructis commericials

okay seriously has anyone but me noticed that they have remade the same garnier fructis commercial like 24 times! every commercial involves the same 6 things. 1. beautiful young men and women with lo...
Posted by Alberta on Sun, 26 Mar 2006 02:56:00 PST

I am going to go to prison very soon!!!

thats right....i am going to kill the next MIDDLE AGED BITCH that fucks with me. Yesterday at fred meyer i was doing some shopping. i needed to get some toothpaste but the aisle was jam packed with pe...
Posted by Alberta on Tue, 21 Feb 2006 03:10:00 PST