Jessica Aspinall profile picture

Jessica Aspinall

jessicaaspinall

About Me

She is adept at sport – she can ice skate backwards at great speed and make grown men dribble without a football. On Mondays she moonlights as a transvestite cabaret singer in Vegas. She ducks, dives, bobs and weaves, she occasionally wears ladies underwear. On her occasional days off she bakes prize-winning éclairs and helps rebuild schools in Outer Mongolia. She’s a joker, a smoker and a midnight toker, she reads the Economist in her sleep. She speaks Japanese for fun, French for love and English if she has to. She once taught a group of five year olds quantum physics in under an hour, whilst single-handedly dismantling a plutonium bomb. She has few possessions, but many friends, her ability to act is world renowned and her self-deprecating nature is legendary.

My Interests

Gin, Fags, Catnip, Fun, Boys that look like Car Thieves or Eastern European Rent Boys, Cooking, Mushrooms, Afternoon Matinees at the Cinema Midweek, Dresses, Weird Animals like Sloths, Sashimi, First Kisses, Roast Dinners + Sunday supplements, Summer Wedding Invites, Boozy Lunches that sail into evening, Driving, Pranks, Raving, Juicing, Sunshine, Dogs, Hotels, NY Supermarkets, Boxset Series Marathons, Salt & Chilli Squid, Margaritas, The Jerky Boys, My Gold Casio...........................Small businesses (usually of the food or hair variety) with really bad but good punned names, here's my top 10 (all real):1. Halal Is It Meat You're Looking For (Leed's kebab shop) 2. Wok This Way (Sheffield Chinese) 3. Curl Up and Dye (Hairdresser) 4. The Codfather (Wapping Fish & Chips) 5. A Salt and Battered (Sheffield Fish & Chips) 6. Woodfellas (Carpenters) 7. Melon Cauli (Greengrocer) 8. A Pizza The Action 9. Dahl Nan Nan Nan (Indian) 10.Abra-Kebabra ( Kebab shop, Loughborough)

I'd like to meet:

Anyone with a pulse. As long as they're not one of those fuckwits that works in the HSBC call centre. Wentworth Miller, Vincent Cassel, James Gandolfini, David LaChapelle, Pam Anderson...

Music:

Christian Jams and Soft Rock.

Movies:

Saw, Wolf Creek basically any of that teenage horror shit, Leon, La Haine, Abigails Party, Bugsy Malone, The Party, Dead Man's Shoes, Hairspray, Swimming Pool, Summer Things and anything else with Charlotte Rampling in it, Tootsie, From Dusk Till Dawn, Dirty Dancing, Irreversible, True Romance, Rita, Sue and Bob Too, Lilya 4 Ever, Rear Window, Beetlejuice, The Birds, Belle de Jour, Eating Raoul, Garden State, Life is Sweet, 28 Days Later, The Goonies, Working Girl, Shooters.

Television:

Boxsets and re-runs of Prime Suspect.

Books:

Plague, Dead Air, Flowers in the attic, The Cocaine Wars, Memoirs of a Geisha, The Jigsaw Man, Hotel La Chapelle, Flossie Teacake strikes again.

Heroes:

Angelica Rugrat, Tracy Turnblad